In the middle of a friendly divorce...make sure you don't get sucked back in
01-14-2017, 04:49 PM
TLDR: If you are in the middle of a divorce, PLEASE take time out of your life to travel. Especially if it's with a girl that you still have some LOVE for. If not, you risk being pulled back into the relationship. I didn't get pulled back in, but I'm still not out of the line of fire yet.
I am currently in the middle of a divorce. I was married for about to 2.5 years, however it was with a girl that I had been with for a little bit over 11 years. We were not together in the same country for all those years (it was a long-distance thing, but I would spend long stretches over there (Japan) and she would spend long stretches in the US. We are doing an uncontested divorce since we had no property, no kids, no savings, etc. We were pretty much a glorified boyfriend and girlfriend couple that just so happened to be married because we were tired of doing the long-distance traveling, and I wanted her to be in my home country.
I still have a lot of feelings for her and she still has a lot of feelings for me, but we kind of concluded on the whole "this is the best move for both of us because we are both headed in different paths in our life" right now. One thing that I do regret is that right now my funds are very low and I am unable to travel anywhere. The reason this is important is because she knows where I'm staying and I still have contact with her a couple of times a week. It's a risky thing, just because I could be sucked into that sense of love and relationship again. My health is not the best and that also is a huge factor, but besides that, a trip somewhere would have really helped. I still may try to go somewhere to visit family for one to two weeks in the beginning of February, but I need to come back to the US because I have things to deal with financially and with my health.
Before our divorce we had fights so many times and the the divorce topic had been coming up so much more that it's kind of like a non-shock event that occurred. This is a good thing, because we already know what to expect from each other if we did get back together (this will hopefully keep us from re-uniting). I can't really say that I'll never try to get back with her again in the future, 3-5 years from now. I know that nobody wants to hear it, or read those kind of things on this forum, and I also don't even want to say it, because I'd rather just keep her eventually as my once or twice a year fuck-friend.
One issue is that I'm still helping her with legal stuff (health insurance, Green card stuff, etc.). I could be a total asshole about it and just leave her high and dry, and possibly deported, but that is not the kind of person that I am, and she deserves better than that. Also, if I try to make things difficult for her, she may make things difficult for me by complicating or slowing down the divorce. I was her main lifeline here in the US and she was super dependent on me, so the thing that is happening now is that I communicate with her via text every 3-4 days. After her Green Card renewal paperwork is sent, I will fall back because I can't be too involved in her life, because now it's time for me to do my things. That's one reason we're getting divorced.
But yeah... that is the main thing I wanted to say. It seems like a common sense thing but I just wanted to make a topic about it to remind anyone that may be in a similar situation. This really only applies to you if you guys are teetering on "maybe you'll be sucked back into the relationship" mode. If you guys are clearly hateful of each other and lawyers are involved in all of this, then that is a different story and I wish you good luck.
I am currently in the middle of a divorce. I was married for about to 2.5 years, however it was with a girl that I had been with for a little bit over 11 years. We were not together in the same country for all those years (it was a long-distance thing, but I would spend long stretches over there (Japan) and she would spend long stretches in the US. We are doing an uncontested divorce since we had no property, no kids, no savings, etc. We were pretty much a glorified boyfriend and girlfriend couple that just so happened to be married because we were tired of doing the long-distance traveling, and I wanted her to be in my home country.
I still have a lot of feelings for her and she still has a lot of feelings for me, but we kind of concluded on the whole "this is the best move for both of us because we are both headed in different paths in our life" right now. One thing that I do regret is that right now my funds are very low and I am unable to travel anywhere. The reason this is important is because she knows where I'm staying and I still have contact with her a couple of times a week. It's a risky thing, just because I could be sucked into that sense of love and relationship again. My health is not the best and that also is a huge factor, but besides that, a trip somewhere would have really helped. I still may try to go somewhere to visit family for one to two weeks in the beginning of February, but I need to come back to the US because I have things to deal with financially and with my health.
Before our divorce we had fights so many times and the the divorce topic had been coming up so much more that it's kind of like a non-shock event that occurred. This is a good thing, because we already know what to expect from each other if we did get back together (this will hopefully keep us from re-uniting). I can't really say that I'll never try to get back with her again in the future, 3-5 years from now. I know that nobody wants to hear it, or read those kind of things on this forum, and I also don't even want to say it, because I'd rather just keep her eventually as my once or twice a year fuck-friend.
One issue is that I'm still helping her with legal stuff (health insurance, Green card stuff, etc.). I could be a total asshole about it and just leave her high and dry, and possibly deported, but that is not the kind of person that I am, and she deserves better than that. Also, if I try to make things difficult for her, she may make things difficult for me by complicating or slowing down the divorce. I was her main lifeline here in the US and she was super dependent on me, so the thing that is happening now is that I communicate with her via text every 3-4 days. After her Green Card renewal paperwork is sent, I will fall back because I can't be too involved in her life, because now it's time for me to do my things. That's one reason we're getting divorced.
But yeah... that is the main thing I wanted to say. It seems like a common sense thing but I just wanted to make a topic about it to remind anyone that may be in a similar situation. This really only applies to you if you guys are teetering on "maybe you'll be sucked back into the relationship" mode. If you guys are clearly hateful of each other and lawyers are involved in all of this, then that is a different story and I wish you good luck.
![[Image: lol.gif]](https://rooshvforum.network/images/smilies/new/lol.gif)
