[VeryNewtotheGame]

Hey Guys,

So as my username suggests, I'm completely new to "The Game" and I was very intrigued to find that an underground culture of PUA exists- so intrigued that I actually decided to check out Roosh's book "Bang"- I just finished reading it, and while I feel more knowledgeable about the dating "game" I still don't feel confident enough to actually go about doing the things that Roosh suggests. I guess I'll start by introducing myself and telling you about some experiences.

I've always been a reserved person, especially when it comes to new social settings. I don't drink, smoke or do anything illegal like drugs, and I hate loud music and pretentious people, and as such, settings like bars and clubs are a turn-off and off limits for me. I'm not a prude, but whenever I'm around females, especially those my age, I tend to avoid looking at them for fear of making them uncomfortable (I tend to believe that they will think I am rudely staring at them). Of course, I do the occasional glance and look away routine, but never extended eye contact and rarely do I ever speak with them.

Some more background: I was born in the U.S but spent an extended amount of time in another country, and came back to the U.S for higher education. I don't have an accent per se, but I do have a mix of a British-American accent (hard to tell- when others talk to me they dont comment on it, so I guess its barely noticeable) Anyhow, its safe to say that my accent has never been a barrier for me. However, the culture shock I received when I first moved back to the U.S after an extended time in a foreign country was severe, and needless to say, I was very behind on the social scene for many years due to being severely maladjusted to the new social environment in the U.S (which tends to be much more crass and open than in other countries)

I had a few friends growing up, and eventually I adjusted to American culture and the social scene over the course of a decade or so. I was never really in great shape ever since I landed in the U.S, but I'm quite large (over 6 ft) and carry my weight well. Over the past few years, I got more involved in fitness related activities, (having been a bookworm for most of my life- I am in dental school currently) slimming down to a normal BMI and participating in club sports and the like
and only recently did I become conscious about the fact that I've never really had a girlfriend.

I've had female "Friends" in the sense that I knew/know girls who I talked to only for serious matters, like school related stuff, but never someone who I could go watch a movie with, or do something non-school related with (aren't those things that you do with a gf anyway?) To be quite honest, I've had a few encounters with girls where I thought they were flirting with me, but I never really made much of it. I think it had to do with the fact that I felt like I just wasn't up to it- I thought I was too young, or not in excellent shape, or not good looking, etc. I wasn't confident enough to go in and close. Some examples:

1) In one of my classes, there was this girl who kept smiling at me and laughing at my jokes (it was during introductions and I cracked some funny ones) and after class, while I was conversing with a friend in the parking lot, she came up behind me and slapped me on my ass really hard, saying "Hey cutie"- I was too shocked to say anything but I turned around and smiled, and said "Can I help you?" Needless to say I got to know the girl quite well, but it turned out to be a "friend zone" relationship and nothing more.

2) I was working with another girl, who was from a European country (Italy) and she happened to be quite smoking- we used to work in a fairly cramped room, for long hours at a time and so we talked about work quite frequently. This girl was very touchy-feely with me- always coming within like 2 inches of my face when talking to me, laughing, touching me whenever she got the chance and really was unnervingly friendly with me- however I never really made a move, because I wasnt sure what to make of it (European women can be quite touchy feely for no reason) She was also in the "friend zone."

3) I went skiing once, and this older looking, but smoking blonde came up to me while I was staring away at the mountains in the distance and asked me a random question- something along the lines of- is this place good for beginners? She smiled and seemed like she wanted to continue talking but I cut the conversation short by making up an excuse regarding the ski lift line. She smiled and simply said thanks. I got so nervous that I didn't know how to hold conversation for a long period of time.

4) In college, I've had to do projects and the like with some really gorgeous women, and all of them have been very open with me; I find that I simply go up to them and ask them how they did on a test or a practical and they enthusiastically make conversation and often end on a positive note. I end by asking them if they want to meet up sometime to study and hand them my phone, while asking for their number. I've never gotten a negative response while doing this- but again, I only talked about work related stuff, nothing more.

This leads me to the final question: Do I have potential? Is it too early for me to worry about "The game" and the dating scene (I'm still in professional school) Do my experiences corroborate the notion that I seem to have some ability with women? What should I do to improve myself? And finally, do looks really matter? A pic to give you guys an idea http://i.imgur.com/Z9hid.jpg Thanks.

[Dash Global]

Sorry I sorta skipped down to the last paragraph lol

But in short,

There is hope for every guy, well as long as you dont have any serious cosmetic issues. You can start with working out, dressing fly, and smelling good.

From there you can work on your interactions with women. Understand what works and what doesnt work. A great way is to watch and take notes from dudes that do well with women.

The physical and outer appearance is the easiest thing to fix. After that is on to tackle the inner self.

Well, hope u can take some of that and apply it to your self.

[OGNorCal707]

Wow, that was a long post, I tried to read most of it, but skipped a bunch of stuff at the end. Dude, you have potential don't worry about that, but you got a lot of issues you need to work out, in other words your "inner game". It sounds like you have a lot of social and sexual anxiety, you get overly nervous, and psyche yourself out. It also sounds like you are "cock blocking" yourself, with your "self limiting" beliefs.

"To be quite honest, I've had a few encounters with girls where I thought they were flirting with me, but I never really made much of it. I think it had to do with the fact that I felt like I just wasn't up to it- I thought I was too young, or not in excellent shape, or not good looking, etc. I wasn't confident enough to go in and close." That quote from you, sums it up, you're engaging in "self sabotage". You're so used to being an introverted guy that has guy friends, but no intimacy with women, and the thought of intimacy or the opportunity for it causes you anxiety, and you revert back to the self limiting beliefs, which keeps you in the stagnant situation you're in.

I would recommend a few things, first off it sounds like you can use some therapy. Second, read this book called "The 4 Agreements" it will break a lot of stuff down for you, cause you to challenge your belief system, and change your behaviors. Third, you need to push yourself out of your comfort zone, and face your fears and anxieties head on, in order to overcome them.

I know from personal experience because I was exactly where you were at, not just but a few years ago. I suffered from so much anxiety around women, that I could barely muster up the courage to make eye contact with a woman I found attractive and say hello. It sounds like you're coming from a similar place: "whenever I'm around females, especially those my age, I tend to avoid looking at them for fear of making them uncomfortable (I tend to believe that they will think I am rudely staring at them). Of course, I do the occasional glance and look away routine, but never extended eye contact and rarely do I ever speak with them."

Let me tell you, that you need to get over that shit. Eye contact is one of the number one IOI's that women will give you, and it is necessary to maintain strong eye contact when conversing with and seducing a women. Push yourself out of your comfort zone, start working on making eye contact, smiling, and saying hello to women. It's not that hard, and if they don't return the same: eye contact, smile, hello, than that's because they're weird, having a bad day, or just a bitch, so don't take it personally. Once you start to break out of your shell, then work on approaching women, and starting conversation.

Basically all most all of this shit it in your own head. You're creating invisible walls and barriers that don't exist, once you start to break them down, you will see incredible growth and development. Opening your mouth and saying hello to women, complimenting their hat/scarf/etc., commenting on the weather, etc., these aren't risky, scary, life threatening things. Keep in that in mind, next time you psyche yourself out when you see a cute girl you want to approach.

[megaframe]

this was a long and redundant post so i'll just answer a couple key points

Quote:

I'm not a prude, but whenever I'm around females, especially those my age, I tend to avoid looking at them for fear of making them uncomfortable (I tend to believe that they will think I am rudely staring at them).

STOP IT. most people really don't and won't ever give a fuck about you unless you do something outrageous.

Quote:

Do I have potential?

yes. every man can benefit from game.

Quote:

Do my experiences corroborate the notion that I seem to have some ability with women?

maybe. that being said, even people whom haven't been approached by hot women much if at all can benefit from game.

Quote:

What should I do to improve myself?

stop questioning yourself. stop caring about insulting women. be bold.

Quote:

And finally, do looks really matter?

yes. a better looking man will usually have longer before getting shut out by women. they may even get approached by women. however, an average guy with game can often win over another guy that is more attractive. also, there are many things you can do to tip the scales in your favor. for example, are you flabby? work out. if you aren't, then do it anyways. wear better clothes. try a different hair style. does the type of girls you like have a thing for tattoos? get a couple if you decide to. some things are temporary, some are permanent, but guys thankfully have more options in improving their looks than girls do.

[Screwston]

I would say work out, dress good (ask around here if you're not sure what style go with), have good hygeine and talk to and approach girls EVERY DAY. I didn't lose my virginity until after high school so I feel you about being somewhat nervous and feeling awkward around girls. I was very, very shy around girls and guys. You have to stop giving a fuck what anyone thinks.

[boxwino]

(08-08-2011 11:21 PM)VeryNewtotheGame Wrote:  

To be quite honest, I've had a few encounters with girls where I thought they were flirting with me, but I never really made much of it. I think it had to do with the fact that I felt like I just wasn't up to it- I thought I was too young, or not in excellent shape, or not good looking, etc.

You seriously need to RE-FRAME how you talk to yourself about everything. You need to be very careful about every single idea you put into your head. You have to be consciously selective on the way you talked to yourself (a learned skill unless you had some badass parents). If you bring a girl over and your apartment is a mess, you're not lazy, you're relaxed...of course she is hitting on me, every where I go women want to fuck me, they can't help it, they just throw their shit at me everywhere in the store, at work, out in the streets...etc etc, ignore crappy examples. The point: Every negative thought you hold in your head you have to shift it to the positive or it will cause suffering. And suffering does not exist in reality, it only exists inside your own head.

[VeryNewtotheGame]

(08-09-2011 12:13 AM)OGNorCal707 Wrote:  

Wow, that was a long post, I tried to read most of it, but skipped a bunch of stuff at the end. Dude, you have potential don't worry about that, but you got a lot of issues you need to work out, in other words your "inner game". It sounds like you have a lot of social and sexual anxiety, you get overly nervous, and psyche yourself out. It also sounds like you are "cock blocking" yourself, with your "self limiting" beliefs.

"To be quite honest, I've had a few encounters with girls where I thought they were flirting with me, but I never really made much of it. I think it had to do with the fact that I felt like I just wasn't up to it- I thought I was too young, or not in excellent shape, or not good looking, etc. I wasn't confident enough to go in and close." That quote from you, sums it up, you're engaging in "self sabotage". You're so used to being an introverted guy that has guy friends, but no intimacy with women, and the thought of intimacy or the opportunity for it causes you anxiety, and you revert back to the self limiting beliefs, which keeps you in the stagnant situation you're in.

I would recommend a few things, first off it sounds like you can use some therapy. Second, read this book called "The 4 Agreements" it will break a lot of stuff down for you, cause you to challenge your belief system, and change your behaviors. Third, you need to push yourself out of your comfort zone, and face your fears and anxieties head on, in order to overcome them.

I know from personal experience because I was exactly where you were at, not just but a few years ago. I suffered from so much anxiety around women, that I could barely muster up the courage to make eye contact with a woman I found attractive and say hello. It sounds like you're coming from a similar place: "whenever I'm around females, especially those my age, I tend to avoid looking at them for fear of making them uncomfortable (I tend to believe that they will think I am rudely staring at them). Of course, I do the occasional glance and look away routine, but never extended eye contact and rarely do I ever speak with them."

Let me tell you, that you need to get over that shit. Eye contact is one of the number one IOI's that women will give you, and it is necessary to maintain strong eye contact when conversing with and seducing a women. Push yourself out of your comfort zone, start working on making eye contact, smiling, and saying hello to women. It's not that hard, and if they don't return the same: eye contact, smile, hello, than that's because they're weird, having a bad day, or just a bitch, so don't take it personally. Once you start to break out of your shell, then work on approaching women, and starting conversation.

Basically all most all of this shit it in your own head. You're creating invisible walls and barriers that don't exist, once you start to break them down, you will see incredible growth and development. Opening your mouth and saying hello to women, complimenting their hat/scarf/etc., commenting on the weather, etc., these aren't risky, scary, life threatening things. Keep in that in mind, next time you psyche yourself out when you see a cute girl you want to approach.

Wow. Thanks for the amazing pointers. You pretty much hit the nail on the head- I am second guessing myself, and in the process, I am severely limiting my growth and potential. I will look into the book(s) you mentioned and I will now try to crack this shell of anxiety once and for all. As you mentioned, apart from the occasional sour person who will fail to act/respond in a normal manner, making conversation with strangers, whether they be men or women, shouldn't be stressful. I think eye contact is also a biggie, even if some (weirdos) might consider it to be staring. I'll make it a point to say hello and maintain eye contact with one new person, whether I find them attractive or not, everyday. I'll also work to get rid of my limiting beliefs and move on with life. Thanks again.