[soup]

I went on a date last night and this girl kept talking about her exs..

Eventually I said "Ok.. new rule: no more talking about exs (or ex-boyfriends"

Is that ok?

I know that if I had more game she wouldn't bring it up.. but I don't yet, and I couldn't figure out a way to get her to shut-up.

Any strategies?

[MiXX]

It is widely understood that talking about ex's on a first (or any) date is about as conducive to sex as talking about politics, religion or America's foreign trade policy with China. YAAAAAWWWWWWNNNNN!!!

You were actually too nice IMO. I would of straight up up left her, and told her to call me when she is ovulating and craving sex.

Yeah, but I'm an asshole like that. I really am.

Mix

[soup]

(08-04-2011 03:07 PM)MiXX Wrote:  

It is widely understood that talking about ex's on a first (or any) date is about as conducive to sex as talking about politics, religion or America's foreign trade policy with China. YAAAAAWWWWWWNNNNN!!!

You were actually too nice IMO. I would of straight up up left her, and told her to call me when she is ovulating and craving sex.

Yeah, but I'm an asshole like that. I really am.

Mix

You've actually done that and had good results?
Also, we were talking about her ex at one point because I used to sleep with her exs ex. So it was kind of funny that I was inheriting all his refuse.

But she kept talking about others.

So, is that just common sense rude... is that something that even the civilians /non-game people think is bad manners?

[MiXX]

[quote='soup' pid='78528' dateline=
You've actually done that and had good results?
[/quote]

Nope. I've actually done that and had SEXUAL results!

I'm sure others have doing the same. Don't let a woman INSULT you by having you pay for a date so she can talk about her ex!!

Another move would have been to start talking to another (more beautiful) woman in front of her.

[pitt]

Great players are also great listeners (remember being a player is part of a good relationship, everybody needs a friend that listens to them). I had two or three girls before that talked to me about their exs and next minute we were fucking. Just listen to what she has to say, advise her if you can and then change the subject.

Your goal is to fuck her so you may want to avoid going on dates and you may prefer to bring her to your house next time.

[soup]

(08-04-2011 03:30 PM)pitt Wrote:  

Great players are also great listeners (remember being a player is part of a good relationship, everybody needs a friend that listens to them). I had two or three girls before that talked to me about their exs and next minute we were fucking. Just listen to what she has to say, advise her if you can and then change the subject.

Your goal is to fuck her so you may want to avoid going on dates and you may prefer to bring her to your house next time.

got her off of okcupid, so little likely hood of having her come to my house from onset.

[MiXX]

Hummm. It's one thing to be a good listener, I'm all for it, but I draw the line at ex's. You are dangerously hovering near the "friend zone" who can be an emotional tampon to take her out and listen to her bitch about how she secretly still gets wet over her ex.


Especially on first dates!!!

Mixx

[Amour Fou]

The rare instances when they give me that crap, I look firmly and gravely at them (as if a father teaching their kid a lesson) and say:

"I didn't ask for the story of your life"

I give an intentional awkward pause, look away a bit and restart a new thread, switching to a new, more upbeat mood.

If you do it the right way, this can be really powerful, as you show contrast and depth, and the ability to take charge of the situation elegantly but sternly.

[soup]

So is it officially rude- like a social faux pas? Can I act as if she's out of line and reprimand her?

Would that show social intelligence or does it seem whiney ?

[Amour Fou]

ok...

You can be stern and firm without necessarly being "rude".

Imagine if you were a father and your young daugther said a bad word, in what tone would you talk to her to teach that what she is doing is wrong?

You can tell her straight and firmly, you reprimand her without sounding rude, because there is no agression, not necessarily.

The whole point is to broadcast that you are more knowledgable and in control of the whole interaction.

And then switch tones and change subject.

If she falls back to the topic, you can be more energic. If she still keeps on, then you can skold her and put her in detention after class, or suspend her from school straight out.

[soup]

(08-04-2011 05:18 PM)Amour Fou Wrote:  

ok...

You can be stern and firm without necessarly being "rude".

Imagine if you were a father and your young daugther said a bad word, in what tone would you talk to her to teach that what she is doing is wrong?

You can tell her straight and firmly, you reprimand her without sounding rude, because there is no agression, not necessarily.

The whole point is to broadcast that you are more knowledgable and in control of the whole interaction.

And then switch tones and change subject.

If she falls back to the topic, you can be more energic. If she still keeps on, then you can skold her and put her in detention after class, or suspend her from school straight out.

I mean- is she being rude.

[boxwino]

you could either cut thread to something else or say something like 'I thought it was kinda cute that you kept bringing up your ex, but now I really gotta wonder what you keep bringing it up."

or ignore it cause she's not being entertaining *yawn* or just ask her opinion on something else. women can't help but cut any thread when their opinion is asked for.

[boxwino]

Also works (for girls with boyfriends and girls that talk about ex boyfriends): "thats cool, I have an ex-girlfriend I can introduce him to."

[Sh0t]

If a girl talks about her ex a lot, I recommend listening because she is basically telling you how to seduce her. If she talks about what an asshole he was, this that and a third, she's describing exactly how the last guy fucking her behaved. You can probably take that and turn it into a few fucks/dates.

I wouldn't take it personal on a first date, some chicks just have bad manners. Especially girls on the rebound that were formerly in a relationship comfort zone. Why throw a fit and walk off, you already drove down there, might as well see how you can work it.

If you date a lot of girls, you have to quickly get used to bad behavior from women on first dates. Often it's not meant to be malicious or disrespectful, they often just don't know any better, same way many guys are also social klutzes.

[CJ]

(08-04-2011 04:04 PM)MiXX Wrote:  

Hummm. It's one thing to be a good listener, I'm all for it, but I draw the line at ex's. You are dangerously hovering near the "friend zone" who can be an emotional tampon to take her out and listen to her bitch about how she secretly still gets wet over her ex.


Especially on first dates!!!

Mixx

Ya, I'm of the same mindset as Mixx here.

If it were me, next time she was talking about her "exes" I'd put my arm around her, smile and say, "Yep, and if you play your cards right, someday you can talk about me the same way!"

If she gets playfully offended, and comes back with the "Oh so we're gonna be breaking up" bullshit, you can spin it into a playful routine that puts her in a fantasy world where she's been dating you for years already, and in theory subconsciously becomes more comfortable with you in the real world.

If she gets bitchy offended, I'd stick to my guns and tell her, "Well your exes sound like a lot more fun than you, so if you don't mind could you give me their number so I can go hang out with them? Maybe we could go pick up girls together!" Remember, she's an internet chick, they're not even a dime a dozen, more like a peso a dozen.

[MiXX]

(08-05-2011 09:07 PM)Sh0t Wrote:  

If a girl talks about her ex a lot, I recommend listening because she is basically telling you how to seduce her. If she talks about what an asshole he was, this that and a third, she's describing exactly how the last guy fucking her behaved. You can probably take that and turn it into a few fucks/dates.

I wouldn't take it personal on a first date, some chicks just have bad manners. Especially girls on the rebound that were formerly in a relationship comfort zone. Why throw a fit and walk off, you already drove down there, might as well see how you can work it.

If you date a lot of girls, you have to quickly get used to bad behavior from women on first dates. Often it's not meant to be malicious or disrespectful, they often just don't know any better, same way many guys are also social klutzes.

Dude. You don't know women very well do you? That's OK, you've come to the right place.

I'm sure other players here will agree with me; I've never seen or heard of a scenario where a woman is emphasizing her EX as the topic of conversation with a man she views sexually.

If she does this, it's simple: she sees you as someone who is not a threat, and non-sexual - in other words, you are a "good friend" who will not ever know what her vagina smells like, but is happy to have you pay for her meals! Congrats...

If a woman wants to have sex with you, or so much as want you to seduce her, the last thing on her mind is her ex. If it's not, do like CJ on the post above, and MAKE IT SO!!

Mixx

[Samseau]

Quote:

I'm sure other players here will agree with me; I've never seen or heard of a scenario where a woman is emphasizing her EX as the topic of conversation with a man she views sexually.

In general, what you say is true MiXX, but there are exceptions.

I've fucked a girl who wouldn't stop talking about her ex of 6 years. Dumped her by the second date, she was soooo fucked up. A girl who doesn't shut up about her ex has serious baggage.

The rule is: If she talks about her ex-boyfriend before you've done anything sexual with her, such as kiss her, then you're wasting your time. If she brings it up after you've done something sexual, treat it like a shit-test of sorts and change topic.

If I'm with a girl who talks about her ex, I just agree and switch topics. Sometimes it's natural for this kind of conversation to come up, especially for girls in their late 20's who have already had a long-term relationship that's failed. It's annoying, but what can you do about it?

[MiXX]

(08-06-2011 12:19 PM)Samseau Wrote:  

If I'm with a girl who talks about her ex, I just agree and switch topics. Sometimes it's natural for this kind of conversation to come up, especially for girls in their late 20's who have already had a long-term relationship that's failed. It's annoying, but what can you do about it?

What can you do about it?

See CJ's post #15 right above mine for the answer.

Mixx

[boxwino]

(08-06-2011 10:32 AM)MiXX Wrote:  

(08-05-2011 09:07 PM)Sh0t Wrote:  

If a girl talks about her ex a lot, I recommend listening because she is basically telling you how to seduce her. If she talks about what an asshole he was, this that and a third, she's describing exactly how the last guy fucking her behaved. You can probably take that and turn it into a few fucks/dates.

I wouldn't take it personal on a first date, some chicks just have bad manners. Especially girls on the rebound that were formerly in a relationship comfort zone. Why throw a fit and walk off, you already drove down there, might as well see how you can work it.

If you date a lot of girls, you have to quickly get used to bad behavior from women on first dates. Often it's not meant to be malicious or disrespectful, they often just don't know any better, same way many guys are also social klutzes.

Dude. You don't know women very well do you? That's OK, you've come to the right place.

I'm sure other players here will agree with me; I've never seen or heard of a scenario where a woman is emphasizing her EX as the topic of conversation with a man she views sexually.

If she does this, it's simple: she sees you as someone who is not a threat, and non-sexual - in other words, you are a "good friend" who will not ever know what her vagina smells like, but is happy to have you pay for her meals! Congrats...

If a woman wants to have sex with you, or so much as want you to seduce her, the last thing on her mind is her ex. If it's not, do like CJ on the post above, and MAKE IT SO!!

Mixx

This is incredibly true.

An recent ex that left me (think woman in love who felt like I am going to keep being an eternal bachelor) started texting me things like "i cant help but feel I made a mistake" and stuff like "you haven't left my mind, I type texts out to you and delete them all the time"...anyway she hangs out with a group of her guy co-workers, one that while her and I were in a relationship I automatically threw into the group of "nice guy, most likely to be the shoulder to cry on, he definitely has interest in her and shall make his moves when shit goes south"... to the point when we broke up I was like 'hey it's okay I'm sure you'll have a nice guy that will pop out of the woodwork and be there for you that will be your shoulder to cry on, who will treat you nice, they can't resist this stuff." and that is pretty much what happened, except she constantly talks about me "the ex" and through her and her friends they are tell me 'it's like it's like you've never left.' Meanwhile her and I have been hanging out here and there, getting physical, and now she's trying to invite me out to events with her co-workers and girlfriends.

When a girl constantly talks about her ex, the behind the scenes may not be as it is in the above, but I usually keep in mind that it very well may be so because I've been in may situations where I was the ex and it never seemed to work without a headache for the other guy involved. Not to mention I will and would sabotage and hold no respect for any relationship they may have if I know they have interest in me.

In which, I either bounce, get her to introduce me to her cute friends or escalate as quick as possible.

[alaric]

just a naive noob question/suggestion:

couldnt this be an opportunity to sexualize the conversation?

Her: "my ex, blabla..."
You: "you must have had hot sex if you stayed with a dick like this; What sexual positions did you do with him?"

[Excelsior]

(08-22-2011 05:08 PM)alaric Wrote:  

just a naive noob question/suggestion:

couldnt this be an opportunity to sexualize the conversation?

Her: "my ex, blabla..."
You: "you must have had hot sex if you stayed with a dick like this; What sexual positions did you do with him?"

...no. Not under any circumstances...just no.

You need to be changing the subject or moving on as MiXX suggested, not probing for nuggets of sexual advice from her past relationships and asking her to recall the intimate experiences from it. I can't think of a better way to come off as a thirsty beta than so say something like "what sexual positions did your ex use?", as if you yourself have no idea how to turn a girl on in bed and need her to feed you advice from some other dude to guide your own sexual conduct.

What are you planning to do, follow his lead all the way? Why doesn't she just invite him into the bedroom so he can be your fuck-coach? That's effectively what you're tacitly implying when you ask a question like that, serious or not.

Unless you want her to disappear, stay away from this idea.

[Samseau]

(08-22-2011 05:08 PM)alaric Wrote:  

just a naive noob question/suggestion:

couldnt this be an opportunity to sexualize the conversation?

Her: "my ex, blabla..."
You: "you must have had hot sex if you stayed with a dick like this; What sexual positions did you do with him?"

sounds like a bad porno

[Giovonny]

If a girl starts talking about her ex-bf, I usually cut her off and change the subject. But not always, sometimes its ok to let her talk like this. If she is gonna open herself up to you emotionally, don't stop her. It means she trusts you and is comfortable talking to you. Use that to your advantage. Let her talk. Establish that comfort and connection. Use this bonding experience to get closer to her. Now once this happens, you are one step away from banging her. Your next move is to get her drunk and build some kino. Get a bottle of wine and try to bang her.

Maybe she thought you were going to the "friends zone", but little does she know, you have a trick up your sleeve!

We used to call this "catching a girl on the rebound". There are vulnerable in this state. They need comforting. The "shoulder to cry on" often becomes the new fuck buddy, if you play it right.

Use what she says against her. She will give you hints about what she likes and doesn't like. How her ex treated her, etc. Turn ons and turn offs. Use this information to get in her pants.

The "friends zone" is only one bottle of wine away from the "friends with benefits" zone.

(08-22-2011 05:08 PM)alaric Wrote:  

couldnt this be an opportunity to sexualize the conversation?

Her: "my ex, blabla..."
You: "you must have had hot sex if you stayed with a dick like this; What sexual positions did you do with him?"

Hey, at least this guy is going for it! But, I wouldn't word it exactly like that. I might say...

"It sounds like he couldn't keep you satisfied" or something less direct like that.

(08-22-2011 11:15 PM)Athlone McGinnis Wrote:  

...no. Not under any circumstances...just no.

You need to be changing the subject or moving on as MiXX suggested, not probing for nuggets of sexual advice from her past relationships and asking her to recall the intimate experiences from it. I can't think of a better way to come off as a thirsty beta than so say something like "what sexual positions did your ex use?", as if you yourself have no idea how to turn a girl on in bed and need her to feed you advice from some other dude to guide your own sexual conduct.

What are you planning to do, follow his lead all the way? Why doesn't she just invite him into the bedroom so he can be your fuck-coach? That's effectively what you're tacitly implying when you ask a question like that, serious or not.

Unless you want her to disappear, stay away from this idea.

Well, actually, if a girl starts talking about sex, DO NOT change the subject. Let her go, she will probably turn herself on. Even if she is talking about her ex-bf, who cares? She might say its her ex but really it could be any guy that used to bang the shit out of her, or even a fantasy that she is making up. If she is opening up to you sexually, then you are gonna have a shot to bang this girl.

[complete]

A few months back, hung out with a chick a handful of times, never closed the deal. we were both in town xxx for work/personal reasons for a few weeks, and then going back to our respective cities.

potential reasons for fail: my lack of game, she is only LTR type, possibly put me in nice,safe,sweet,fun enough,wants a pretend bf category(picture comfort stage of a LTR type thing. we split cost on most dates, so i wasn't showering her with the dolalrs or anything), she very well could be the type who thrives off male attention(at one point admitted abandonment issues) but not in a whorish type way.

Expanding on the "male attention" thing..but first a preface. She is, upper 20's, highly educated, well traveled, introverted socialite, with a warm aura about her who always likes to have something going on whether it's socially or by herself. Thus, she has a lot to talk about in terms of experience(another possible sticking point to escalating attraction is her life experience vastly outweighs mine), and enjoys doing so. Anyway, she always is telling me about her "happenings". So, during our final date(i was leaving town), she talks about the previous night or two, and mentions "hitting her guy friend with her purse five times while they were wrestling" or how she and a guy got tipsy and went and shot guns(we talked guns in our previous date, and this was her first time going.) Never anything beyond the bare facts, or giving off any details about these cats. I just ignored the former, and teased her about her shooting style, etc regarding the latter. But still, would you say this was a shit test of some sort due to the fact that she knew I liked her?(i know, beta).

Another scenario involved me somehow being dumb enough to actually bring up something about an ex of mine, and it turning into her talking about a guy who broke her heart 5 years prior. I don't prod, and she barely elaborates(only says she ran into him recently, and hung out but 3 hours later they were fighting, mentioning that he isn't married), but just sits with the literal puppy dog sad face. what's my playin this scenario? is she just embellishing her reaction to get one out of me, or is it likely she still thinks this dude is the end all be all? I can't imagine probing around to find out which is which is optimal. But since i liked her, i was curious for her to expand, and not knowing the truth bugs me. Alas, I didn't go there but instead said "when we break up(i mockingly made her my city XXX GF previously) then guys in the future can have the pleasure of hearing about me like I am so thoroughly enjoying hearing about other dudes". Think i got a chest slap for that.


Anyway, of all the girls I've met since my last serious relationship, this broad is the only one that has weaseled her way into my thought stream post-dating, And has really been the catalyst for me bettering myself through game as she was a straight up mind ninja. I just can't tell if it's calculated or innate.

In the end just hoping to get to a level of game where, i can handle women like this in a LTR, over having mediocre game and settling for simple,safe chicks(guess i'm a glutton for punishment, plus i hate clinger/suck ups, get bored easily).


ps: is there a glitch in the forums? can't see youtube vids on site, and cursor always jumps to last thing i typed, so impossible to edit within "posting window" while i'm writing. (writing this on notepad

[silent_scope]

Ok. As a general rule it's BAD to talk about exes. Listen to the wisdom here. There is only ONE chick I ever got with where talking about her exes turned into a bang. It played out just as Sh0t said: she was telling me how to seduce her. I picked up on it and used that info to bang for about 6 months. It's clear NOW that she was into me and wanted to make sure I didn't screw up getting into her pants. EVERY other time an ex has come up in conversations with women, it got me a one way ticket to the friend zone. I've yet to flip that into a FWB situation. So if your intent is to bang, change the fucking subject.