[Mage]

(08-30-2016 03:27 AM)Fathom Wrote:  

(08-30-2016 03:22 AM)Mage Wrote:  

A man who marries a woman who has children under monogamous rules is a loser. I am more certain of this then of the fact that earth is not flat. Don't do it!

Cancel all arrangements and Get her out of your life ASAP - cry in a pillow for a month, bleed your heart out, but after six months you will fell like you are a cool guy who has matrix powers and has dodged a bullet. If you leave her I promise that in six months time after completely sewering all contact with her much more beautiful, more younger and more baggage-less women as well as fortune, luck, more money, sense of fulfillment and wholeness will magically teleport into your life.

Baggageless, yes. Younger, hotter, yep. But what about marriage material? Never mind this chick I am talking about now. What about finding the actual marriage material?

My first wife was an abysmal failure in every way. A vagina on life support. Western women (European, North American, Australian, especially white chicks) are fucking ruined by feminist claptrap. No maternal instinct remains, much less the need to take care of a man or be good mothers. Cock carousel-riding career whores with nasty fucking mouths, especially the American variety. The young, hot ones will only want money.

The Asian chicks are super hot but weak, frail, childish, and only want money.

I'm not going to marry an African or Middle Eastern chick, so that's out.

Where, then, do you find a girl who is young, hot, and worthy of marriage? Never mind the fuck spree, I can take care of that with no problem. Where are the wife types left in this world?

Russia? Eastern Europe?

Where.

I found such a gem in an Eastern European church. I am not a Christian myself anymore, I believe all religious mythology is either invented or symbolic, but I value religion for it's ability to install virtuous values in humans.

Not that any church girl is marriage material of course. You must make sure she actually observes the commandments, goes to church every Sunday, reads church literature, wants to have children, feels guilty about sex with you and begs on quick marriage to escape guilt. My wife begged me to marry faster and was even ready to marry without any ceremony. In the end we did have a very cheap but nice wedding ceremony. The cheaper the wedding the stronger the marriage.

Also I am an Eastern European myself. That means I do not attract golddigers. For an American i would recommend to go live in the country of your wife rather then bringing her with you and accepting lower income.

[Mage]

^^^

A few years before discovering game I was in relationship with a single mother. I got lucky she found a richer beta loser before we started living together although to my credit I did hesitate to make that commitment for quite a time. Looking back at it I cringe for my former beta ways, but having escaped that I feel like I have dodged the bullet, like I am Jon Snow brought back to life and given a second chance in my life to do some great things. So when I say don't do it and you will feel better afterwards I say it from my experience.

After that single mother every girl I dated was slight improvement until eventually the woman that became my wife and mother of my children was several tiers higher in many aspects - more beautiful, longer and thinner, more intelligent, more submissive, less baggage, richer parents, undivorced parents, virgin, gave natural birth instead of c-section, less materialistic, more forgiving. When I was in relationship with that single mother I was not even considering approaching women of such a caliber I thought it out of my league. Commiting to single mothers itself distorts your world view and lower your self esteem.

[Schlep]

@ Fathom

These guys are right on everything they said. I get you man. I understand. I just got out of a LTR with a filipina. Major red flags from the get go. but, I just couldn't help myself because of how beautiful she was.

You and I both know she's going to stop working out as soon as she locks you down. Concentrate on yourself and improving yourself everyday.

Wish you the best

[CJ_W]

(08-30-2016 03:00 AM)Fathom Wrote:  

(08-30-2016 02:45 AM)Cr33pin Wrote:  

seems like this girl already has it in her to let her self go but switched it around to try to find a husband.

I don't mean to seem like I'm arguing against the well-intentioned advice all you guys are giving me.
I'm just explaining.

[/quote]


Then just get married then, why are you wasting your time on the forums? Just do it. either way, it will be a life experience you`ll never forget. You might even learn something from it.

[[email protected]]

People talk about hindsight 20/20 a lot but this is another genuine case where foresight is also 20/20. Don't do it.

[Parzival]

Travellers you have to let go. If OP consider the whole idea to marry an overweight late 30s women with 3 kids already as an option nobody here can proof him otherwise.
OP feels his age and get his balls busted by a charming girl. He don't expect to improve and seems to be not so confident about himself either. I've seen friends that went alone for a long time, till they meet a chubby girl that was sweet. She then lost some pounds till she was acceptable. After they got married, weight was faster back then a light travel.

I consider the whole idea not very smart but some kids you can tell 1 million times to not touch the hot hotplate and they still do. OP want to marry this girl and not hear otherwise because every different argument he ignores.

[king bast]

This thread reads like the internal monologue of a guy trying to convince himself to settle for this broad.

OP, you cant reason yourself into loving a girl, and definitely not to extent of basing the rest of your life around her.

The doubts you have now will not go away. They will only grow with time and ultimately destroy the relationship, you as a man, or both.

Don't sacrifice the best of your years chasing something that you know won't work. It might be unpleasant having to break up with her, but not nearly as unpleasant as the disappointment you will feel for yourself when it eventually blows up - because you instinctually knew it wouldn't satisfy you, but you did it anyway.

[Dkby]

(08-30-2016 01:34 AM)Fathom Wrote:  

I'm afraid that, if I leave this girl, I will never find anyone like her again.

You won't. You will either find better or worse one. Since you are here, I believe, she will be better.

This is basically why most of the guys want to enter serious relationships. They have a fear, that they will not be able to do better, so they are "better this than nothing".

Quote:

But I feel trapped. I feel I want to fly off and spend a year or two fucking everything I see. And this is exactly what I would have done had I never met her.

Do whatever you were going to do, if you never met her. Don't change your life plans for women.

[ivansirko]

(08-30-2016 01:48 AM)Fathom Wrote:  

Dude passed away. Should have mentioned that. But yes, I originally had the same exact thought. "Those kids are not mine." But they are little, do not need financial support, and just want a male figure around. It's not like I'm being burdened. I do understand what you're saying, though.

Was she divorced before he died or is she a widow?

[ivansirko]

I take a differing opinion here. It seems your family is pressuring you into settling due to your age. I am unsure if you want to get married, period. I think its irrelevant what her situation is.

[Irenicus]

Quote:

Met overweight chick last winter. Divorced, has little kids....

I stopped reading after that. That sentence said everything about her.

[Guitarman]

(08-30-2016 01:55 AM)SamuelBRoberts Wrote:  

If you need advice about doing this, it means you don't think it's a good idea.

If you thought it was a good idea you wouldn't come here asking for advice.

If you don't think it's a good idea, I don't think it's a good idea either.

Don't get married to this chick. It's not a good idea and you know it.

My thoughts exactly. Unless she is a solid 10/10 and quite young. But "overweight" leads me to believe this is not the case here.

[TornadoByProxy]

You never say you love her. Never marry someone you aren't in love with.

[Phoenix]

(08-30-2016 01:34 AM)Fathom Wrote:  

But things have moved fast. A little too fast. I've suddenly found myself engaged with a set ceremony date next year.

Man I hate the passive tense. What happened? God himself came down from the clouds and played you like a puppet?

You moved things fast. You agreed to that set ceremony date.

Maybe that's a good idea, maybe it's not, but it's suspicious when you have to use the passive tense to justify it.

[Buck Wild]

Quote:

"Met overweight chick last winter. Divorced, has little kids. Smart as fuck."

And we're sticking with "not a trolljob", I take it?

[rawbeefcake]

(08-30-2016 01:34 AM)Fathom Wrote:  

I'm afraid that, if I leave this girl, I will never find anyone like her again.

Never make this kind of life-altering decision from a point of desperation.

You will be fine if you do not marry this girl, there will ALWAYS be other girls

Listen to the guys on here. Red flags are for real: they help you make a more objective decision in a situation where you are too close to get a perspective. 99.99999% of the time, red flags are on the money.

Your reasons for marrying this girl are not well thought out (e.g. she's late thirties and you think she's going to pop out a couple more kids???)

Do this: spend time apart, try to get some perspective, then decide... but if you decide to marry this chick, then be a man and stick with your decision. Don't complain if she goes back to being fat, isn't able to have your kids or if she divorces you (in USA, 67-80% of second marriages end in divorce - if she's done it once, she'll do it again)

Best of luck brother

[Mercenary]

(08-30-2016 07:50 AM)Buck Wild Wrote:  

And we're sticking with "not a trolljob", I take it?

[therealpoder]

Based on what you've written, you shouldn't marry this woman.

You seem way too uncertain to make such an important decision. Hell, it does not seem that you even *want* to marry her. You did not mention loving her even once. I don't think you necessarily need to love a woman to marry her but you don't even say she makes you extremely happy either.

It seems like you are doing this based on desperation. You feel like you can't do any better than this woman, she is nice to you and people in you life seem to like her, you have nothing else better going on in your life, so why not?

I don't think she can help you reach your goals either. You say you want kids but she's in her late 30s. She may have one kid of yours at the most if you are lucky. If you want a family you are better off dating a younger woman.

Since you are not going to break up with her based on the comments of a message board (nor should you), I think you should extend the engagement period. You don't have to make a decision now. You don't have to get married right away. Vet this woman more. And if you feel more confident about marrying this woman then do it. And if she does not accept that and give you an ultimatum, you need to walk away. But you seem too unenthusiastic to marry this woman.

[Leonard D Neubache]

Now that I have a moment to sit down and slap out a more thoughtful post, let me explain some things based on my observations of similar arrangements.

1) You might get one child out of her at this point. An "anchor baby" as it were. Understand the following. She will consider herself responsible 100% for her previous children and 50% for your shared child. That means the bio-kid of your paring will receive perhaps 10 percent of her attention. That will leave you to take up the rest of the slack. You and your runt-of-the-litter bio-kid will have a very special bond as a pair of outsiders in your own home.

2) Women are somewhat cluey where emotional commitment is involved. Do you really think you're fooling her? I guarantee you that she's quite aware of your wishy washy attitude towards this new adventure, and yet she's trying to get you on the hook ASAP. Why do you think this is? Surely if she sensed you weren't 100% on this then she'd run a mile, right? Or is it simply that she doesn't particularly give a fuck about finding a committed partner when in actuality she's looking for a beta pack-mule.


3) Just take a shot at imagining the life your child will have if it turns out she's a bitch, she divorces you, and your blood progeny is forced to spend most of his/her young life amongst multiple older siblings who regard him/her as a foreign interloper with an asshole dad who refuses to have the decency to disappear off the face of the planet.

4) Face the fact that if you weren't driven by fear and laziness then this would not even be a situation that would have occurred in the first place. Then face the fact that you are now being driven by fear and laziness down the path that fear and laziness picked for you in the first place. Honestly, how the fuck did you end up in an LTR with a fat single mother of three in the first place? No offence, but are you Quasimodo?

5) Stop taking your life as it is now and assuming that your future options will be as good or worse. You're taking on the mentality that ought to be reserved for bitches. Men grow and succeed and become more valuable in LTR terms as they get older. Only for women is the opposite true. In ten years time you could literally be anywhere in the world fucking beautiful women ten years younger than you, and when you got bored and decided to settle down you could aim for someone even younger still. Some naive, doe eyed, virgin, corn fed farmer's daughter who thinks the fact that you've been to three different countries makes you the most interesting person in the whole fucking world. So you take her to some other hick town, wife her up and sire some kids, and wonder why the fuck you were ever going to settle for this fucking lunacy you've paraded before us.

But all of this is irrelevant if you can't answer one simple question in the positive.

One increasingly clear and obvious hurdle that potentially renders all other issues irrelevant.

If you wanted to bail, do you even have the balls to follow through?

Don't bother fucking with us unless you can answer "yes" to that question.

Sorry if this all sounds a little harsh, but this is literally the decision that will set in motion the destiny of the rest of your fucking life so it's not a time to insulate yourself from cold, hard reality.

[DJ-Matt]

She wants a pre-nup??

[remarkable vigour]

FFS

The ONLY reason to get married is to have kids.

But your bride to be is late 30's already and anything over the age of 33 increases the chance of your kid having something wrong with them exponetally.

Therefore, your "intended" is already passed it.

And as for your mother being all for it, she doesn't have your best interests at heart. Not because she doesn't love you, but because like most people she has no idea what is in your best interests.

But no doubt your mum is looking forward to buying a new hat and outfit and crying at the wedding.

[Cattle Rustler]

Wait she wants a prenup? Lol, OP you're not real in believing that she will help you or your financial situation. She's already telling you that you're not getting shit.

[eradicator]

To the OP, why exactly are you marrying her? Your description of her isn't exactly positive: overweight, has kids, late 30s.

You mention being overweight and having no direction in life. I would suggest you lose the weight and get some direction in life.

You are saying you can't do better and will end up alone? You may end up divorced and alone in 5 years if you are entering into a marriage that you don't want. By all means, if you want to try to spend the rest of your life with this woman and raise her kids, go ahead and do it. You don't even really sound like you like her much though.

edit, probably a troll job

[RedPillUK]

(08-30-2016 07:48 AM)Phoenix Wrote:  

(08-30-2016 01:34 AM)Fathom Wrote:  

But things have moved fast. A little too fast. I've suddenly found myself engaged with a set ceremony date next year.

Man I hate the passive tense. What happened? God himself came down from the clouds and played you like a puppet?

You moved things fast. You agreed to that set ceremony date.

Maybe that's a good idea, maybe it's not, but it's suspicious when you have to use the passive tense to justify it.

I agree, I was going to say the same thing.

When I read this and the rest of your post, I became more concerned about your red flags then the red flags of her.

"I've suddenly found myself engaged with a set ceremony date next year"

Riiiight and how did this happen? Did she get down on one knee and propose? and you were just so overwhelmed by the gesture and romantic evening you said yes even though you weren't sure?

Seriously what? The man has to propose, so how did this happen?

You're just completely omitting important parts of the story, distorting the truth and I wouldn't be suprised if your lying about certain things as well. We can't give you good advice with you bullshitting like this and being defensive.

I don't like breaking up with women and ended up getting attached to women I really shouldn't have before, so I can relate to your situation but once I read that your engaged, I realised that you had taken it way too far. She can nag all she likes about engagement but you were the one to take it that step further.

I agree with the poster who said fear and laziness are the reasons you're in this situation.

Eject.

[Snowplow]

(08-30-2016 03:00 AM)Fathom Wrote:  

Guy was a parasite in every sense of the word. Abusive, passive aggressive, manipulative. He intentionally skewed her self image, made her dislike herself. Many, many, many years later, stuck in a home practically as a slave with this guy, will do a number on you.

I'm just explaining.

Hold up...my Clinton senses are tingling.

She tells you all this, makes him look evil and he can't defend himself. But your "will do a number on you" comment is why I write this. How much of a number? Enough to die mysteriously?

Or was he a soldier? That may explain why she doesn't want you going abroad.