[Anabasis to Desta]

Last Friday night i was at a club posted at the bar area with an old friend. A group of 4 girls were smiling and waving from across the bar motioning us to come over. We both grabbed our drinks and immediately & quickly joined them.

In retrospect, i felt like were were being herded like cattle or a loyal dog and i think the girls felt it too. We had a drink with them but were not able to close or even dance.

How would you guys have approached the situation?

[Beyond Borders]

As usual, there are no clearcut answers to random shit like this, but as I've spent way more than my share of nights out on the town in my life, it has come up quite a few times in various forms, and there are multiple ways I've dealt with it.

First off, let me precede by saying something about my approach to going out and meeting women because I know a lot of guys here go out to hard charge girls, and that's not really how I do it. So, this advice may not mesh with your style.

I go out to have a good time, or at least make it seem that way as much as possible, and then I hit on the women in my vicinity or who I've got some eye contact with across the room accordingly. I try to make flirting with and approaching women more just my personality and part of who I am rather than an endeavour with an end goal in mind. Women seem to vibe with this, and if I go home alone I don't lose much sleep over it.

Anyhow, back to the question.

One way to handle it is to laugh good-naturedly and hold your glass up to them and then go back to what you're doing. This may or may not produce results but you keep your pride and it sends a clear message - that you're not a dog to be ordered around. It will be remembered if you encounter one or more of the girls again later on in the night, especially if you seem to be having a fun time with other people around you.

Another I've done is shake my head in protest and beckon them over in return. Put an amused look on your face and make it fun.

You may have to do it a few times and be stubborn, but sometimes the girl will seem to realize she has put you in a tricky position and come over to you - with four girls this probably won't happen unless one of them happens to be extremely bold and confident (oh yay) - or buzzed up. Even if you're talking about one or two girls, you will generally have to be pretty high-value or really owning some attention in the room, or dealing with a low-value woman, for her to get on board, but this has worked for me in the past. Or have more people in your own group.

I've especially had success "calling women over" when with a group where I was one of the main center's of my group's attention.

Finally, a great way to deal with it is go over to the table and introduce yourself but in a non-committal fashion, as in "Okay, I'll play along or a sec." Then go back to your table (not sure if you guys even had a table) after a few polite minutes.

How long you stay really depends on how the interaction goes, but you can get one of their numbers during your brief stay if she's making it obvious she called you over because she finds you intriguing - recommended you do this early on in case the interaction doesn't last.

Then send her a goofy text from across the bar, and whether you got the number or not, you've at least established a base of familiarity without coming across as attached to their attention. Depending on how things pan out, you may be able to join with them for some more drinking later in the night.

I'd say you guys packing up your drinks and both running over to them definitely came across as eager. You probably should have sent the best lead man over first, and then decided depending on how things went whether to stick around. At that point, even if you were having a good conversation and joined the group, I'd say sticking with them should have been an option rather than an absolute, as in you're ready to leave any minute if it stops being fun.

I'd almost always rather approach a new group alone anyways. I hate it when I'm out with someone and I shuffle over to a new table to introduce myself, as I often do on a whim, and turn around to find a friend who was there with me tagging along. It throws off the whole dynamic, especially given I usually lone wolf. It makes it seem we're there just to find women rather than to have a good time and women being a secondary distraction.

So I'd rather wander over to talk with someone if she "just happens to catch my eye," alone, and then if things are going well I can call my friend over or go get him and bring him back.

They threw you guys off by waving you over both at once, of course, but I think the same general mindset applies. You're there to have a good time, and you don't just throw that out the window because a group of women opened the door to you to come into their world.

Finally, the dynamic changes yet again if you roll out alone. For example, moving over to a new table is definitely a huge part of my game while abroad, but it's a different animal - just being alone provides good "motive" to accept an invitation. People often send someone over to formally invite me (much different than just waving you over), even just a table of guys, and sure, in these situations I jump on it without losing face - and that makes a lot more sense to Southeast Asians, who don't really go out or travel or even eat alone.

It also helps to have some kind of rapport built by the time it happens, even if that's just some prolonged across the room flirting with one of the girls at the table.

The important thing is even if you're alone is you're not sitting there bored waiting for someone's attention. If I'm out alone, I'm engaged in the music, playing around with people at other tables around me, or even doing some writing. I don't need an invitation, in other words, but sure, I'll "play ball" if I can do so in a non-supplicating fashion.

I think in the right situation with strong game on your side, you can make the logistics in your particular situation work, but it definitely puts you at a slight disadvantage the way it unfolded. I know this was all over the place but hopefully at least provides some extra food for thought from a different gaming mindset.

I'm pretty sure I've made this same exact mistake before in the past too, as I'm sure have many others, so you can't feel too bad about it.

[cubanlinx]

I feel like they were creating their social proof through you.

I'd have languidly got up, approached a few other girls, then made it over there showing no sign that I saw their signalling.

It depends actually. If you're an energetic type of guy, you could have gone over there and had a ball. I run with how I'm feeling that day. If I feel high energy, I go high energy.

Edit: BB has done a really great breakdown.

[Anabasis to Desta]

Thanks for that detailed post Beyond Borders.

[Travesty]

I am not one of these good vibes out to have a good time guys. I enjoy seeing it as warfare and never want that to change.

Give them the give me a minute signal like a boss on an important phone call. Joke with your buddy look like you are discussing if it is even worth going over. Don't even be making eye contact be looking at your buddy.

Tell the bartender to tell them to send who they think is the cutest over to introduce themselves.

They will send the girl that is either the leader or the girl that is most
available for sex.

Break them down from within their own group.

[RatInTheWoods]

Beyond has nailed it as usual.

I would run with the raise your glass and carry on where you are, but approach at a later time.

[WeekendCasanova]

Order her a glass of fresh water. Tell the bartender to give her the drink, with a message on a napkin saying "chill hoe, you thirsty".

Watch, as her jaw drops and panties wet.

[XXL]

I'd gesture her to come to me, I'd wave to her flirt from distance, I'd go up to her, whatever I'd feel at a time. It doesn't matter and say nothing good or bad about you really. It's just one spontaneous thing a girl did.

If someone views her gesture as some kind of a bait or a trick and feels like it could lower his value to go up to her then it's self image issue most probably. Cool guys have no problem with that, they view it more like a confirmation of their coolness [pff of course she wants me to talk to her] and nothing else.

[WestIndianArchie]

Picture this
- office park
- cubicle farm
- a group of cackling girls and boys calling themselves men
- queen bee is directing the action
- she beckons Archie over to be in the discussion

Archie, " Sorry babe that the child support check was a little light this month. How is little Tywaneisha?"

The entire group falls over with laughter.

Queen Bee regains her composure and plays along.
I flew out that Wednesday for a client meeting, but she was sexting me throughout my trip. By Friday I was inside of her.

During the debrief, what did you think of me?
Bee - I thought you were a nice guy, then a jerk.
_______________

She wants to play with a puppy, but you give her a pitbull.

When it comes to banging women,
- understand the social dynamics of a situation
- use that knowledge to your advantage

So in my story, I'd already seen the social dynamic of the little office clique. The queen wanted me to be one of her loyal subjects. I start out as the jester, the joker, and become the king.

In your scenario, the girls wanted some socializing. But on their terms, with their rules. You and your boy should not come in like "How are you ladies doing tonight?"

You and your wing should see this as an opportunity to get some real shit going.

I would SPRINT over in that situation. I would go in hard and heavy. This is her stopping for lunch at a diner and getting the best meal she's ever had.

So if onlookers thought you were beta when you ran over there, they should see those chicks in the palm of your hands as you get them to react and then comply.

Then the outsiders rewrite their memory.

The chicks readjust to who's on the throne.

But you can't do any of this, you can't think like this until you start killing off your blue pill beliefs.

WIA

[AneroidOcean]

Lot of great knowledge dropped by BeyondBorders and WestIndianArchie.

How you deal with it will ultimately depend on the rest of the details in the scenario as well as your personality.

Myself if I was with a friend having a good time, there's nothing (short of Emily Ratajkowski) that would make me take notice and change what I'm doing quickly.

A sly grin, a wink, and a head turn back to my buddy is about all I'd give them. Maybe wag my finger and beckon them over but definitely not approach them with my buddy.

[WestIndianArchie]

(05-11-2016 06:37 PM)AneroidOcean Wrote:  

Lot of great knowledge dropped by BeyondBorders and WestIndianArchie.

How you deal with it will ultimately depend on the rest of the details in the scenario as well as your personality.

Myself if I was with a friend having a good time, there's nothing (short of Emily Ratajkowski) that would make me take notice and change what I'm doing quickly.

A sly grin, a wink, and a head turn back to my buddy is about all I'd give them. Maybe wag my finger and beckon them over but definitely not approach them with my buddy.

Totally agree AO.

Whether you come at the situation with high energy or a magnetic style approach where you draw chicks in - the key thing that I picked up on was the internal battle for OP.

He "felt some type of way".

That unease is the undoing of a lot of players.

I commit to a style, don't commit to a style - but the real key is to not be unnerved by those things.

You second guess yourself.

Better to be confidently wrong, than to be weakly right.

WIA

[DimeBait]

I'd have the bar tender send her an ice water on me . . . to calm her thirsty ass down. Sorry, but I do the selecting, lol.

[LeoneVolpe]

First and foremost, make sure it's actually YOU they're signaling for. Imagine the embarrassment of waltzing on over to their table only to discover they'd been trying to get the guy behind you to come over and talk to them.

If you are certain they're motioning to you, which it sounds like in the OP's situation was obviously the case, then perhaps a good alternative to just walking straight over would've been to motion them to come to you, using a sort of "come hither" motion with your finger whilst having a devilish grin on your face. If they're willing to put some investment into the interaction by getting up and coming to you, it's game on. Otherwise, you've at least kept yourself from potentially looking like a dog who comes when he's called. Who knows? They might even subconsciously respect you for maintaining frame and decide to approach you later on.

[greekgod]

You can play this any which way want. The distant, "man of purpose", I run this shit vibe Travesty mentions. The in your face, high energy, swiftly approach WIA mentions. Or my favorite, the Mutumbo (Who wants to sex Mutumbo?) finger wag and rebuttal "come hither" with a shit eating grin. You're suffering from overthinking.

You're in Boston right? I lived there for 4 years and game is a bitch there. Everyone has this pride wall up where they don't want to be seen as weak. It's crazy and antisocial.

You can either do what everyone else does and play along with the "stone face" out in Boston Night Life Attire. Or, you can say fuck it and be Mr. Anabasis who is out doing his thing whatever the fuck that may be. You stand out a ton more when you embrace whatever you're feeling, especially in a straight laced town like Boston.

My friend in Boston who does the best just has fun. He is a cheeky bastard and never takes anything serious.

I think you've come down with "too much game content, overthinkitis". You know your shit. Just go to Tia's, post up at the Patio bar, and have some fun.

[Rush87]

I do more or less the same thing every time. I've kind of mastered the 'glass raise' like in the below image. It shows that you appreciate the attention. It also shows you aren't desperate. If they don't eventually come over and join you, they will inevitably find you throughout the night. I feel, whenever a girl waves you over, they are giving you an opportunity to raise your status even higher.

[Travesty]

(05-14-2016 06:58 PM)greekgod Wrote:  

You can play this any which way want. The distant, "man of purpose", I run this shit vibe Travesty mentions. The in your face, high energy, swiftly approach WIA mentions. Or my favorite, the Mutumbo (Who wants to sex Mutumbo?) finger wag and rebuttal "come hither" with a shit eating grin. You're suffering from overthinking.

You're in Boston right? I lived there for 4 years and game is a bitch there. Everyone has this pride wall up where they don't want to be seen as weak. It's crazy and antisocial.

You can either do what everyone else does and play along with the "stone face" out in Boston Night Life Attire. Or, you can say fuck it and be Mr. Anabasis who is out doing his thing whatever the fuck that may be. You stand out a ton more when you embrace whatever you're feeling, especially in a straight laced town like Boston.

My friend in Boston who does the best just has fun. He is a cheeky bastard and never takes anything serious.

I think you've come down with "too much game content, overthinkitis". You know your shit. Just go to Tia's, post up at the Patio bar, and have some fun.

I understand this answer, it boils down to "be yourself". If a guy is asking the question he needs directions until he gets to that zen state of "being himself" in a good way.

This is the biggest mistake in giving beginners advice. Telling them to have an advanced mindset when they are not at that point.

Men need instructions and tactics until they have competence and confidence.

It's like telling your 6 year old son in tee-ball to just swing like Derek Jeter and have fun. Sounds good on paper. Won't help that 6 year old hit the game winning hit.

[hydrogonian]

It's hard to say without being there, but in general my gut instinct in social interactions with women that I just met is to never capitulate to a request or demand (other than later meeting for an agreed upon date / picking them up for a date, etc) that involves anything above handing them something that is within my reach, for instance, until later if ever before we're fucking.

It simply sets the wrong psychological tone.

I would have probably looked at them and halfheartedly waved them over in response. Knowing they wouldn't run over, I'd go right back to doing something else.

Then I'd wait as one or two would likely inevitably saunter over after some time passed when they felt like they wouldn't look too anxious. You not being anxious sets the correct tone and makes them more intrigued.

This all assumes they requested you to close a distance that would take several large strides or more. If it was a couple of steps, not walking over would be silly.

If they didn't come over because everyone was being too cool, when we eventually came elbow to elbow I'd simply open with asking one to be my girlfriend or something cocky like that (adjust to the situation). That would sure as heck beat the only situation that you are really in when you walk over at a finger wagging request, which is "Hi, how are you"?, or some cocky line that won't really come off psychologically speaking (seem congruent) after you just capitulated to a significant request of a girl you had not before met.

[greekgod]

Agreed. I just think our mate is more field ready than he believes. Kid flies helicopters. If yoy got enough nerve to do that, you got enough nuts to be "yourself"

Glad you replied. Everyone ha e a kick ass week.