Social Theory: The Male Pecking Order
04-09-2016, 06:46 PM
This is a very interesting subject. It's also something I've spent a bit of time on, trying to understand the deeper dynamics at work, when it comes to men on men interaction. Let's face it, for most of us, the extreme damage we do and the extreme damage we have done to us, is propagated by ourselves on each other, brothers, in all but name.
Man is a wolf unto man.
I agree with the findings of the OP, when he says that underlying the vast majority of our interactions, fear is a prime motivating factor, albeit unconscious in most cases. It's in the twitch of the eye, a gaze held for a second longer than usual, a gulp in the throat, body language etc. - these are all signifiers of dominance and submission. Of course there is much more to it than this, as AB pointed out in his retorts. But the OP has done a good job of thinking about a subject and coming to some conclusions, and he seems to be open to having his theory/hypothesis expounded upon.
Who can say what any of our super-motives are. We know that we need to eat and provide for our families. But why do we _really_ do what we do? The reason SJWs signal their virtue, is not for the most part that 'virtue is its own reward' (which it surely is), but more through fear of being ostracized and plain old shunning from the group. That and getting laid for being a sensitive, right thinking leftist male. Silly boys. One example of a 'super-motive' as Freud called it.
Why do I bring the concept of the super-motive up? Well, there's no easy way to say this, but I have been the worst and the weakest of men. In my later years, I have looked back on some of my actions and realised that they were not carried out through altruism, but through fear. Coming back to the OPs original point. I lied to myself. I was weak and a coward. I helped people, gave them my life blood and life time, because at the end of the day I did not have the balls to stand up to them and say NO. I don't know which is worse, being a coward, or lying to myself about it for so long.
So, this is just something to bear in mind with regards to the interaction between men. But as AB so eloquently furthered this discourse, there is so much more to it than fear. There is also virtue which gains a man respect. I think the OP was talking more about immediate reactions as has already been pointed out, but this is a very valid question that deserves a deeper answer.
This is where AB came in and stole the show again. Never afraid to admit a possible weakness in his structure, so he can shore it up and become stronger, never afraid to outright tell it like it is with his extraordinary tales of real life experiences (and be labelled a braggard, and be damned, by the more bitter and resentful), that man is an absolute inspiration to me. For his honesty, his ability to look deep within himself, and face himself, and his wonderful writing and sharing of his experiences. Oh, and for his virtue! I wouldn't like to come across the fella on the proverbial dark night. Then again, I'd probably prefer bumping into him, than his dearly departed 'psycho' friend. Thanks for sharing that story AB. We don't know each other and I hope you won't think me forward to say also, I am sorry for your loss.
I've known the odd person like your friend. Some were big and some were small. But hardly any of it was to do with size. Well, actually, the smaller they are, and the harder they hold that gaze, is directly proportional to the fear they will instill in the average man who is just being a bully, like those chumps that knew what was good for them and buggered off after your mate had a word with them.
Never pick on anyone, never start trouble. Because you lose the high ground in many ways, especially if you are being an arsehole. You might get the shock of your life when said skinny little bespectacled dude, gives you that look, the one that lets you know. Being honest, most people don't start trouble with someone who is almost a foot taller than them, especially if they are 2 foot wider as well.
Lots of good points made about taller guys not being so confrontational, and bigger guys being 'reputation building' magnets. Goes both ways and balances out to an extent. Realise both scenarios exist and adjust accordingly.
I've got a few tales to tell about Bikey 'mates' and experiences I have had. But I don't want to make an overly long post and ramble. I've never been part of that sub-culture, but I've only ever had good experiences with the bikers. Give respect, get it back, don't know your place in the pecking order? get 'learned'. Another day...
I would like to just share one experience I recently had though, in a local pub while I was waiting to get a bus home after having some dentistry done (hour and a half wait).
There was this one guy. He appeared out of nowhere from the other end of the room as I was walking out. I don't know what the hell it was about this guy, but he sent all of my receptors into overload, almost, such was his presence, or 'aura'. He was maybe six inches shorter than me. Not stockily or muscularly built. Not fat. Nothing like that. It was the way he moved. He scared the living shit out of me. Without even trying. One guy you would really not want to mess with. He didn't walk across the room, he _glided_. It was almost like he was floating on air. Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.
Our paths were due to cross as we both entered the same space, as if it was the center of the chessboard where all the action takes place. What did he do? He walked out the way of me, giving me a very wide berth. Now this could be seen as submission if you wanted to read a lot into a probably trivial social situation, but it was anything but. It was sheer dominance, and it scared me even more than when I first put eyes on him. He'd got my measure too, and he knew me, as I knew him. He was not aggressive at all. This man was going to walk where he wanted how he wanted, and if he wanted to walk a wide berth around me, he was damned well going to.
He'd seen enough in his life to not need to prove anything with a guy just coz he was a few inches taller. This was a man that cared not for height. No use for it. He had everything he needed deep inside. Core strength, mental strength and enough anticipative nouse to know when someone was a threat or not. I believe he picked up on my fear, though I gave nothing away with my poker face.
This whole interchange took about 5/6 seconds by the way and shook me to my core. I even turned around when we passed each other to get a look at him (without being obvious of course) - who was that masked man?!
He he. One of the stranger experiences of my life, but totally pertinent to what the OP is trying to address here. And as always, I would be more than enraptured to hear AB's take on this, if any.
I thought about him later that evening, and tried to pin down just what the hell was so menacing about him. No eye contact, no bad smells, no hobo dress sense, no fashion victim dress sense. The guy was the proverbial gray man, totally neutral. He didn't even give off any bad vibes. In fact, if anything went down, he would be the first person in the room I would make a b-line for. I don't know if he served time, was a part time secret hit-man, possibly ex-services, or just someone that 'had it' through the school of hard knocks.
Just thought I'd share. I actually tried to formulate a coherent post to put something like this out there for discussion, but this thread and the answers so far have been very enlightening, so I'll just add this little bit.
I really would like to hear more thoughts on this though. Yes, height has a lot to do with it. Wideness as much again. Reputation, ditto. But this intangible thing - this sheer animal magnetism, be it repulsive or not - also fascinates me. Women go on about how hard done by they are by men, but as I said earlier: Man is a wolf unto man. We take out all our fears and our failed desires on each other. We are far more savage towards our brothers than our sisters (to use the biblical vernacular).
It's one thing to have to eat shit because you are a lowly intern with everything to gain and everything to lose in a new job, but it's another to have a man frighten you half to death in a few seconds by giving you a wide berth and not even deeming to make eye contact with you, apart from the split millisecond he took to sum you up and work you out. This is the avenue I would like to explore here, though that's not to say there couldn't be a lot learned from those that are a pushover in the workplace, but that kind of thing is more easily understood.
Oh and thanks again AB for the Bikeys reference. I found some interesting stuff on the net about the 1 percenters and the ranking within the organisation. Most fascinating. Your point about the sergeant-at-arms was well noted. I'm going to rep the OP and you for starting a quality thread and contributing to it, respectively.
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