[RexImperator]

I don't suppose many here can relate to a situation like that, but I'm curious who else has experienced this. How did you get out of it?

I think most "game" advice that gets thrown around probably applies more to guys who are doing mediocre to OK and just want to get better.

[AWright]

I grew up with really bad social anxiety issues and BDD stemming from childhood, girls would show interest in me because I was an athlete but I would ignore I was so uncomfortable, saw a therapist which helped me get over it along with game. I got layed for the first time at age 23 2 1/2 years ago after being in game for a few months and now I get a couple new girls a month. It can be done but you have to be driven, I went home crying the first few weekends going out because of the rejection I got, I now laugh off blow outs. I think it is why I am so driven and push myself because of my self image issues growing up. It's why when I fail with women now I just think to where I was and view it as me gaining xp so I can get more in the future.

[Mess O.]

Right here. And that's why I'm on the RVF.

[Windom Earle]

Hard to believe looking back now, but between the ages of 22 and 25, I was a sexless incel. Actually incel probably isn't an apt description, since I did next to nothing in the pursuit of pussy.

Smoking grass didn't help things either - MJ was my girlfriend essentially.

Like AWright, at 6'4" and athletic, I didn't have a shortage of IOI's, just didn't act on them for fear of being emotionally compromised (I saw the inherent man eating nature of sloots and wanted to distance myself from that).

Now I welcome it, and see game as the emotionally fortifying panacea that it is.

[LongDongSilver]

I was in prison two years, got out and got on heroin out of depression and hopelesness for 1.5 years. Only banged 3 girls a 3.5 year period.

Before prison i was living with a girlfriend and would cheat constantly, sex was no big deal. It actually didnt stress me out not having sex much that three and a half years. I had no real sex drive on opiates and it was actually cathartic to live like a monk for a while.


Now im clean and back on the horse, sex drive came back with a vengeance. That period of time in my case was healthy and helped me to get my head screwed back together. I also owe a big thanks to this forum, lurking while i was getting clean helped out a ton.

Now in in great shape, eat well, dont use opiates, back in school, dressing better, dope car,smashing pussy, got back into snowboarding ( i have had season passes since i was ten, up until drugs/prison), and am actually happy.

[The_e_man]

(03-10-2016 07:24 PM)LongDongSilver Wrote:  

I was in prison two years, got out and got on heroin out of depression and hopelesness for 1.5 years. Only banged 3 girls a 3.5 year period.

Before prison i was living with a girlfriend and would cheat constantly, sex was no big deal. It actually didnt stress me out not having sex much that three and a half years. I had no real sex drive on opiates and it was actually cathartic to live like a monk for a while.


Now im clean and back on the horse, sex drive came back with a vengeance. That period of time in my case was healthy and helped me to get my head screwed back together. I also owe a big thanks to this forum, lurking while i was getting clean helped out a ton.

Now in in great shape, eat well, dont use opiates, back in school, dressing better, dope car,smashing pussy, got back into snowboarding ( i have had season passes since i was ten, up until drugs/prison), and am actually happy.

Happy to hear your story. Wishing you the best of luck brother.

[Anabasis to Desta]

(03-10-2016 07:24 PM)LongDongSilver Wrote:  

I was in prison two years, got out and got on heroin out of depression and hopelesness for 1.5 years. Only banged 3 girls a 3.5 year period.

Before prison i was living with a girlfriend and would cheat constantly, sex was no big deal. It actually didnt stress me out not having sex much that three and a half years. I had no real sex drive on opiates and it was actually cathartic to live like a monk for a while.


Now im clean and back on the horse, sex drive came back with a vengeance. That period of time in my case was healthy and helped me to get my head screwed back together. I also owe a big thanks to this forum, lurking while i was getting clean helped out a ton.

Now in in great shape, eat well, dont use opiates, back in school, dressing better, dope car,smashing pussy, got back into snowboarding ( i have had season passes since i was ten, up until drugs/prison), and am actually happy.

Respect.

Glad to hear that man.

[Phazlenut]

17-21 was pretty rough. I learned game after, and though I've had dry spells, I haven't felt disconsolate ever since.

[XPQ22]

Several years in my early 30s due to severe illness, yes.

But the tide eventually came in and brought me a sail.

[Delta]

Didn't lose my virginity until age 23. I wish I could go back and do college again. I had internalized the narrative of losers, that love and sex just happen naturally rather than result from deliberate action.

I believed my main asset was how super duper incredibly nice I was. Once a cute girl blatantly hit on me at a house party. And I mean blatantly. She spent the whole night with me and was super physical the entire time. She even grabbed me by the hand and isolated me to a couch at one point. I didn't make a single move because I was convinced that was the nice thing to do.

I asked her to meet and grab lunch a few days later, and despite the fact that we'd spent an entire alcohol-fueled night together without even so much as a kiss, she actually accepted. So we had this little lunch date, during which we... sat there and ate lunch. That was it. If I'd tried to make a move, I wouldn't have felt so super duper nice.

She didn't respond the next time I contacted her, which surprised me at the time even though now the only thing that surprises me is that she agreed to meet for lunch in the first place.

At least I still had my fantasies, in which I'd dream of magically "just hitting it off" with a girl who was enamored with how nice I was, until eventually chemistry took over and a kiss "just happened," at which point the girl would be hopelessly obsessed with me because I knew kissing wasn't something girls took lightly. To no one's surprise, it would be a few more miserable years before my dick would finally end up where it's supposed to.

If every sentence of this post made you cringe, that's the point.

[CorvusGuardXIX]

I lost my virginity at 28 and then I had 3 year gap where I had nothing at all. I had opportunities when I moved to the DMV, but then I had to pass them up because I suffered from small intestinal bacterial overgrowth for more than a year. I'm now 31, and the only one I've had this year was the deadfish type with a disappointing body.

[Khan]

(03-10-2016 05:39 PM)RexImperator Wrote:  

I don't suppose many here can relate to a situation like that, but I'm curious who else has experienced this. How did you get out of it?

Years? Of course, it was more than a decade in my case!

I lost my v-card at the age of 29, which makes it roughly 15-16 years of involuntary celibacy, counting from the age at which I developed a real interest in girls. I do remember two girls, one in high school and the other in college, that showed an active interest in me. But they were both ugly, and I was too picky to reciprocate the interest and too broken to do anything about them, so nothing came out of it.

I got out of the abyss by learning game and improving myself at every level possible. It was a very hard process that took years to complete its first step (finally getting laid). I was around 21-22 years old when I told myself 'no more' and began to work on improving myself and my social skills, and 27 when I discovered Game and the manosphere. It truly was an immense piece of work; when I compare myself now to what I was 10 years ago, the improvement is massive, even considering I'm currently still a struggling newbie.

I have to say that I've learned something from being a very late bloomer - the older you are, the harder it gets. Not impossible of course, but harder. It's because of two reasons:

1) the older you are when you start learning Game, the harder it becomes to learn new social skills. This has something to do with the way your brain works, and its capability to adapt to new experiences and stimuli.
2) your logistics are a shadow of what they once were. If you're in your late twenties for example, you don't have access to a large social circle you had in college and you probably work 40+ hours a week. This handicaps you in some way for all game types except online. I've only recently got my first number close from nightgame, and I eventually flaked on the girl. When I think of it, if it weren't for online game I'd maybe still be a virgin.

RexImperator Wrote:

I think most "game" advice that gets thrown around probably applies more to guys who are doing mediocre to OK and just want to get better.

In a way, yes. The advice given actually applies to everyone, but it's just that total newbies need some extra guidance and learning tailored to their specific situation. Think of it like learning to drive a fast sports car - it's much easier if you have some driving experience on an old Peugeot, than if you've never seen a car before.

[InsertNameHere]

Did 5 years in the Marines, including 3 nearly back-to-back deployments, during which there were no girls around. During the periods of down-time in between deployments, I did nothing in pursuit of sex (hell, I didn't even know HOW to pursue it) and only stumbled into a 'lucky' hook-up or two each time.

Not exactly years without female affection, but I think it weighed more heavily on me combined with the stress from deployments. End result was that when I finally got out, I rushed head-first into a few ill-advised relationships with a super-beta attitude. My standards were also in the gutter, and I was punching way below my weight for a while. Only recently correcting that.

[RoastBeefCurtains4Me]

I did from age 20 to 23. I was a stoner, and had no sense of how to approach. I had dated in high school but didn't go all the way, and each time it just sort of happened. Then for some reason, it didn't the first two years of college. Finally, I started dating a girl I'd already known for a year and a half, and lost my virginity. I dated (banged) another girl a few months later, and for some reason, after that, it just didn't happen.

I can see now that I didn't have my lifestyle or game together, and I'm sure that being a stoner prevented me from mustering the effort to go after it. During this time, I was depressed as well.

Finally, when I was 22, I reached a point where I decided my depression was bullshit, and I wasn't going to settle for this shit, and I was going to go out and get a girlfriend. Once I reached this point, I managed to get laid about two weeks later.

[DJ-Matt]

I've started to think I'm actually an aspie or something along those lines, because my current girl has pointed out how clueless I am that girls are hitting on me and giving IOIs. Thinking back on it I got tons of opportunities starting at age 16 and didn't even attempt a kiss, much less sex. That sort of thing led me to lose V card at 26, and before that I can't really even remember kissing a girl other than pecks.

In a way it's a mixed blessing, I spent those years going to school and working hard instead of noticing girls, so I ended up being successful in life, even if I was alone.

The other part of the curse was that after I lost my virginity, when the relationship ended, I was desperate and hopeless. Roosh and RVF changed that and reminded me once more there's more to life than girls.

[Gorgiass]

(03-10-2016 06:34 PM)Windom Earle Wrote:  

Hard to believe looking back now, but between the ages of 22 and 25, I was a sexless incel. Actually incel probably isn't an apt description, since I did next to nothing in the pursuit of pussy.

Smoking grass didn't help things either - MJ was my girlfriend essentially.

Like AWright, at 6'4" and athletic, I didn't have a shortage of IOI's, just didn't act on them for fear of being emotionally compromised (I saw the inherent man eating nature of sloots and wanted to distance myself from that).

Now I welcome it, and see game as the emotionally fortifying panacea that it is.

Could've written this myself. Had limited success with "drug dealer game" prior but once some close calls made me give that up and I was just a stoner...shit was rough. Dark time of life for sure. Always think back to that Dave Chapelle line,"I love weed, I love it! But not as much as I love pussy." Was that the cause of incelery though, or was it the anxiety I was self-medicating?

Was somewhat fortunate really to avoid getting locked down and knocking up a broad early like so many I knew did. Never wanted that life then. But in small towns you don't lose your girlfriend, just your turn. Kinda unappealing for dating and not conducive to ONSs.

Neil Strauss and Tony Robbins changed my life but the change was made possible by getting over the ideas I had that it was "unmasculine" to ask for help with women, or listen to self-help audio I would've previously written off as cheesy. Basically the discomfort of being lonely and unhappy had to overtake the discomfort of shame at doing something "silly", or "something that men are supposed to be born knowing how to do".

[RatInTheWoods]

Just in my marriage lols

[RexImperator]

These are inspiring stories.

Quote:

the older you are, the harder it gets.

Explains why I'm pretty much fucked. There's a line between self-acceptance/realism and irrational pessimism that can be hard to draw.

[calidude]

I turned 20 not too long ago, and this is my current situation. I have had girls attracted to me in the past but I was too oblivious and never noticed the IOIs coupled with the fact that I have been shy and insecure most of my life. I've also been pretty active with daygame recently, but despite getting a bunch of numbers I have yet to actually go on a date or hookup with a girl. Occasionally, I get hung up about my situation,but i just try to use those emotions to keep on improving myself.

[Handsome Creepy Eel]

Not only was I virgin until 20, but I had also never kissed a girl or received any affection too. That made for a very rude awakening. I'm very thankful that I found some good resources at that point and that I had enough humility to accept them and work on improving myself. Most people who remain stuck for so long are not so lucky.

[bucket]

Oh yes, usually have blocks of 4-5 years between flashes of affection.

Was 25 when "broke my duck" (ten years ago). Find most women too much trouble to deal with (drama llamas and the like), so avoid hookups whenever I can.

Just focussing on improving myself , and if a woman comes along who is actually worth it, will pursue.

[Khan]

(03-13-2016 10:30 AM)RexImperator Wrote:  

Explains why I'm pretty much fucked.

Can you give more detail about your situation?

[Mr. D]

(03-10-2016 05:39 PM)RexImperator Wrote:  

I don't suppose many here can relate to a situation like that, but I'm curious who else has experienced this. How did you get out of it?

Sheer determination.

Lost my v-card at 22, only to follow it up with almost 6 years of not getting any. (Bad advice, shyness/awkwardness and small town social circles are a lethal combo. )
Close to my 28th birthday I took stock of my life up until then, found it to verily suck and decided to at least try to end my 20's with more bangs.
Which was relatively easy, given I had moved to another town 18 months prior, due to studies. Not that many people knew me or my background. Tabula Rasa.
Got a new haircut, better clothes and hit the streets/bars with a mission.

[EDantes]

(03-10-2016 05:39 PM)RexImperator Wrote:  

I don't suppose many here can relate to a situation like that, but I'm curious who else has experienced this. How did you get out of it?

I think most "game" advice that gets thrown around probably applies more to guys who are doing mediocre to OK and just want to get better.

In a way I agree; most of the "game" advice on its own won't help you much if you have a bad personality or no ambitions in life.

If you are starting from square one I think you would be better off to read some books on masculinity (ex. The Way of Men by Jack Donovan), and read up on general social skills like conversation, sense of humor, confident body language and posture, etc.

If you're deficient in the fundamentals then advice on "game" will not help you much and just memorizing canned pickup lines will make you look more like you're trying too hard.

And if you are doing nothing with your life and making your sole goal to 'get laid' then most guys will not be able to "fake" genunine confidence. This is why a lot of the "PUA industry" has a bad rap, since the marketing sometimes presents it as some "magic trick" which will allow an overweight, WoW addict to sleep with tons of supermodels if he just learns these simple rules.

(03-13-2016 10:30 AM)RexImperator Wrote:  

Explains why I'm pretty much fucked. There's a line between self-acceptance/realism and irrational pessimism that can be hard to draw.

Age really isn't as big an issue as it's made out to be, neither are "looks" in general unless a guy is seriously out of shape.

If a guy keep himself in good shape and has a good personality and life plan, and doesn't let himself feel self-conscious about his age then he won't have too hard a time meeting girls.

(Historically men dating younger women, even women decades younger than him has been a social norm; one of our Presidents even married a woman 30 years younger than him; only in modern PC culture has it been portrayed as something "creepy", yet a 30-50 year old cougar sleeping with an 18-20 year old guy is no big deal, hence the PC double standard).

[Mr.Conflicted]

(03-13-2016 05:01 PM)EDantes Wrote:  

(03-10-2016 05:39 PM)RexImperator Wrote:  

I don't suppose many here can relate to a situation like that, but I'm curious who else has experienced this. How did you get out of it?

I think most "game" advice that gets thrown around probably applies more to guys who are doing mediocre to OK and just want to get better.

In a way I agree; most of the "game" advice on its own won't help you much if you have a bad personality or no ambitions in life.

If you're deficient in the fundamentals then advice on "game" will not help you much and just memorizing canned pickup lines will make you look more like you're trying too hard.

And if you are doing nothing with your life and making your sole goal to 'get laid' then most guys will not be able to "fake" genunine confidence. This is why a lot of the "PUA industry" has a bad rap, since the marketing sometimes presents it as some "magic trick" which will allow an overweight, WoW addict to sleep with tons of supermodels if he just learns these simple rules.

I've realized that my weak foundation, like you stated, is why I haven't made any major improvements since I discovered the redpill. I've been focusing on all the wrong things. External things. Trying to get laid, increase my SMV, etc. None of that has worked because there is so much inner turmoil and disorder that needs to be fixed.