[Stack Thornehawk]

As someone new(er) to the redpill lifestyle, I've posted quite a bit about some silly shit on here, but I know I'm not the only other man whose done this, but I need to make a statement because I'm ready for criticism on this.

It's been plaguing me for a long time, and if I can talk about it then I believe it can help other guys too. I first started gaming girls in high school when I hit that awkward phase of puberty where there was no more innocent attraction like in grade school, girls went for assholes and showy and pretentious guys so I made bold moves to emulate the alpha. I never went to strip clubs but I slowly was lured into the escort world where for a quick buck, I could have the prize without the work. I had my first escort at 19. I was not a virgin, but I never got laid with enough girls to satisfy me or make me feel like I was equal or above other players out there, and I've also never been in a long term relationship with a woman because I only saw them for sex and every time I felt something more than lust for one I would make the classic beta mistakes and fuck my chances up.

So I continued in this spiral, I would occasionally pull girls from nights out or online dating apps, but I would always go back to backpages and find some local whore to go get a quick fix from. I've had few satisfying pulls in my life with some very beautiful girls, but my interactions were getting deeper with the whores too, to the point where more of them were me being a swindler and bargaining with actual prostitutes and feeling happy about getting discounts.

I had a few STD scares, and the last one was today, the one time I went in without a condom and could barely fit in the girl because she was so tight, so I was only able to get the tip in pretty much. I made the classic mistake, and it could have gone a lot worse. Worrying and frantic, I just got checked out with the doctor and he says it doesn't look like anything serious, probably just skin irritation, but the stress inside me has burst and I can't do this anymore. It's running me into the ground, so I'm just putting this out there for all you guys out there who may be into this on the side: stop doing it. The girls say they are clean but they are not, they are all in it together and it is a very lucrative and tightly (albeit poorly) run business.

I saw a girl two days ago, friday in the afternoon. I am still completely asymptomatic except for a small red bump I had on the tip of my dick, it had a white center last night but today it calmed down to just a smaller red bump, after I used Defense Soap, tea tree oil, and took like 3 cold showers + 1000's of milligrams of vitamin C. I went to the hospital and saw a screener and doc, they took urine samples and told me at this point theres no need to do a blood test but just watch for changes, as I have no lymphatic problems or soreness and no cold/flu-like symptoms. I tried to track down the girl who I thought infected me from her backpages ad, and found out that the number was gone, she no longer had it. Some new escort in houston TX picked it up as a text-mail subscriber only. So then I went back to her escort page and google-searched her image, only to find out that it came up on other profiles with many other numbers and fake names.

So here's where it got dangerous, I went to the motel where I met her on friday and told the desk guy (didn't care at this point about the legality of what I was doing, I had to find this girl), that I just had some tests done at the doctor and I needed to make sure this girl didn't have an STD, but they couldn't give me her name when I told him about the phone number being gone. I asked if the client that was there friday was still there today (sunday) and he said yes, so I went to the door to see if she was there.

Excuse my french my fellows of color here, but the first thing I see is this big fat fucking black thug go into the room, and I ask him if the short girl is in there, and another girl peeks her head out of the room, the same room I was two days ago, who I had never seen before. Standing behind her was another black thug with a do-rag, and another white girl escort in a towel in the back. I previously asked the motel manager to come with me because I had expected it to be standoffish.

The negros did not take kindly to me being there, I even told them straight up I wasn't a cop and just wanted to talk to the girl to make sure she was clean, they said she was, and I asked if she was in the room and they said yes but in the shower. Everytime I kept asking to see her they were getting more and more antsy until the fat one said have a good day. As I was explaining the situation to the motel manager, and yes I confessed to seeing the girl and paying for the sex, he knew what was going on at his motel, but he said he didn't partake in it he just ignored them, but that every day and night there are three to five girls coming and going in and out of each room.

Before I left, I saw another escort that I banged two weeks ago walk by, I waved to her, she smiled then suddenly turned into a scared look and didn't say anything.

So I dropped it. I first thought that if I do have an STD, I'm turning myself in to the cops and bringing their whole fucking ring down, I'd rather be in jail than have a bum dick.

I also thought about going punisher mode and just annihilating the entire prostitution ring myself, because it is filth, and I am a filthy piece of shit for even calling those girls to begin with.

Honestly I need help, but I can rationally see how wrong I am, its just the impulsiveness of sex, once it becomes easy, it is like a drug, and weighing the options of gaming versus having it for a set price, saving time, but playing russian roulette with your life each time is not worth it. I'd rather be abstinent and suffer beta blue balls and someday get my game great again without this interference.

Well, thats it for now, don't ever trust prostitutes, no matter who they are or what they say. They're all liars, thieves, scandals, criminals, drug addicts, and some have diseases, a lot of them are actually pertinent about using the condom and won't touch you unless there are condoms present and on yourself.

Please don't make the same mistakes I did, those of you who are just starting out, and to you veterans here, do you see any way of mentally salvaging myself out of this to get hard-wired to just game girls and deal with the long periods of no sex until the game is good enough to guarantee a pull most of the times you go out? [quick edit: I have never done drugs in my life other than drinking alcohol]

Thanks for reading,

-Stack

[The Lizard of Oz]

Your problem is that you are obsessed with the idea that whores are "filth" and that you yourself are "filth" for seeing them. So you're locked in a cycle of shame and guilt for using whores, and hatred for them for making you feel that shame and guilt.

You need to break that cycle, because it's a very bad one. And to break it, you need to examine your ideas and see if there is really anything to them.

You should stop thinking about whoring in this mystical, almost religious way. It's a transaction. Whores are not "filth", they're just women trying to make some money. It's their work -- that's why people used to call them "working girls". Some are bad, some are good, most are just trying to get by. And you are not "filth" because you use them. You're just a customer who uses a service, nothing more, nothing less.

There is nothing magical about whoring. It's a simple transaction; you get sex, the whore (and her pimp) get the money.

Once you stop believing that whoring is something mysterious, you'll stop being obsessed with it, and you'll lose interest in it. You'll meet some girls that you don't have to pay, and who will give you better sex than whores do, and you'll just forget about whoring. But if you happen to use a whore, it's not the end of the world, either.

Bottom line: you should stop thinking about whoring as something magical, because it isn't; and you should stop tormenting yourself about it. That torment is the real reason for your obsession, and it's completely useless and unnecessary. Let it go, and you'll feel much better, and probably forget about whoring over time anyway.

[Stack Thornehawk]

Thanks Lizard, shit I have a long way to go. A man should swallow his guilt should he not? The other uncaring ones will always rise above those who are bound by feelings, especially a conscience of guilt and shame.

Is there any other immediate advice you guys have?

[The Lizard of Oz]

It's not a matter of "swallowing" your guilt; it's a matter of letting it go. You should think about the difference between those two concepts.

And the reason to let it go is that it's irrational. You're obsessed with a mystical idea of sexual purity, and you think of whoring as its opposite, as "filth". And you think of yourself as "filth" for being drawn to it. And the intense emotions caused by these thoughts only draw you in further.

For example, you think that you're "filth" and as a result you want to punish yourself by proving that you really are "filthy". So you use whoring to prove it and to punish yourself, which only makes you even more obsessed with this idea. And so on.

What you need to do is to let go of the irrational thinking that is animating your emotions. Realize that whoring is just a business transaction; whores are just women who make money selling sex, and their customers are just men who pay for it. It's not some magical ritual that makes its participants "filthy". It's something very simple, and there is no need to feel about it too strongly one way or another. Whores are not a stain on womanhood, and men who use whores are not a stain on manhood. They're just people trying to satisfy their different needs.

The sooner you let go of the irrational thoughts you have about this subject, the more you will stop feeling about it so strongly. And once you stop feeling about it so strongly, you'll probably lose interest in it. Because it's these irrational thoughts and feelings that draw you to it in the first place.

Something else you might benefit from is reading through Dusty's great REBT thread (you might also consider buying and reading the book it reviews, Albert Ellis' "Guide to Rational Living"):

thread-28873.html

Read through the thread and understand its relevance to you: that your strong emotions of guilt and shame are caused by irrational thoughts, and that you should realize the irrationality and uselessness of these thoughts and just let them go.

[Sonoma]

I have broken my wrists playing sports.

I have had a few STDs playing girls.

Comes with the territory and unless it's HIV it doesnt matter

[captain_shane]

(11-30-2015 05:20 PM)Sonoma Wrote:  

I have broken my wrists playing sports.

I have had a few STDs playing girls.

Comes with the territory and unless it's HIV it doesnt matter