[duedue]

Being beta (or not alpha) has several components but the one I'm concerned with now is being subservient. Since taking the red pill more than a year ago I've tried not to put other people's needs before mine but I've not been so successful. A good test of whether you are putting on an attitude or you've absorbed it into your personality is what you do when for some reasons your cognition is not at optimal level. For me this often happens because of insomnia.

Here are 3 examples:

1-I was at a sports shop trying on a pair of boots. A hot girl came with her parents and sat at the same bench as me. They headed off after she tried a pair. I swear to god she turned and took a look at the bench before leaving. As soon as they left I notices a big cellphone left on the bench. Without thinking I picked it up and ran to them; it was like she was waiting for it.


2-I'm into photography and there was a street fair in town a few months ago. One of the stands had a funny sign on it and I was taking photos of it from behind the stand when the woman in charge came and looked at me. "I'm taking photos of this sign....Is that OK?" She didn't even bother to respond. (An alpha act would've been to point the camera at her and take a pic.)

3-This morning I went to the dollar shop to buy just one thing. When going toward the cashier I saw a woman standing about 3 feet from the counter sorting out her stuff. As soon as I reached her she turned toward me, silently telling me "let me go first". I thought "She's been waiting here man!" so I let her go ahead. Well she had several items that had to be wrapped individually and I had to listen to her girl talk with the cashier.

I don't know how to kill the beta in me.

[SuperBock]

I know what you're trying to say, but in those examples you gave, I think you're over thinking things. How old are you?

[bike0369]

Some of us have inherent nature to be helpful and/or kind, and in two of those examples, you're just being that. I agree with SuperBock you're probably over thinking.

Alpha is not being 'not helpful', so don't bother too much. But if it does bother you (and it seems so), take a pause before you act. And let the person come to you and speak before you speak.

[RouteBackwards]

(10-23-2015 09:16 AM)duedue Wrote:  

Being beta (or not alpha) has several components but the one I'm concerned with now is being subservient. Since taking the red pill more than a year ago I've tried not to put other people's needs before mine but I've not been so successful. A good test of whether you are putting on an attitude or you've absorbed it into your personality is what you do when for some reasons your cognition is not at optimal level. For me this often happens because of insomnia.

Here are 3 examples:

1-I was at a sports shop trying on a pair of boots. A hot girl came with her parents and sat at the same bench as me. They headed off after she tried a pair. I swear to god she turned and took a look at the bench before leaving. As soon as they left I notices a big cellphone left on the bench. Without thinking I picked it up and ran to them; it was like she was waiting for it.


2-I'm into photography and there was a street fair in town a few months ago. One of the stands had a funny sign on it and I was taking photos of it from behind the stand when the woman in charge came and looked at me. "I'm taking photos of this sign....Is that OK?" She didn't even bother to respond. (An alpha act would've been to point the camera at her and take a pic.)

3-This morning I went to the dollar shop to buy just one thing. When going toward the cashier I saw a woman standing about 3 feet from the counter sorting out her stuff. As soon as I reached her she turned toward me, silently telling me "let me go first". I thought "She's been waiting here man!" so I let her go ahead. Well she had several items that had to be wrapped individually and I had to listen to her girl talk with the cashier.

I don't know how to kill the beta in me.

Next time you take a photo, before you even say a word, say "Is me walking towards this sign, saying nothing and taking a photo going to kill me?"

Conclusively you will reach the answer no, and so, even if it makes you anxious as fuck, keep asking yourself the question and reaffirm yourself that there is no existential danger in doing this, so move forward and try it.

What you realize is that most people don't even really give a fuck if you're rude or essentially "Do what you want." Once you realize that, the times that people do care will seem minuscule since the world has not shown you itself as being a scary place in terms of social approaches.

[Alexandrian]

I think only example 3 was kind of beta. The other two not necessarily. In my opinion your betaness is not that bad. Also as a recovering beta myself I can tell you that knowing which beta behavior you have is the first step to recovery.

[Lizard King]

It's been said many times here, and it's an absolute truth, worrying about the alpha/beta dichotomy is beta!

And leads you nowhere.

[PapayaTapper]

A better question to ask is "What EXACTLY do I want out of life and what EXACTLY am I doing to get EXACTLY that? If you can answer that question truthfully you will be the most Alpha motherfucker you will ever need to be

[eatthishomie]

Pretend that each act of betatude has dire consequences that will affect the rest of your life.

Some of them actually will.

[duedue]

(10-23-2015 09:57 AM)RouteBackwards Wrote:  

(10-23-2015 09:16 AM)duedue Wrote:  

Being beta (or not alpha) has several components but the one I'm concerned with now is being subservient. Since taking the red pill more than a year ago I've tried not to put other people's needs before mine but I've not been so successful. A good test of whether you are putting on an attitude or you've absorbed it into your personality is what you do when for some reasons your cognition is not at optimal level. For me this often happens because of insomnia.

Here are 3 examples:

1-I was at a sports shop trying on a pair of boots. A hot girl came with her parents and sat at the same bench as me. They headed off after she tried a pair. I swear to god she turned and took a look at the bench before leaving. As soon as they left I notices a big cellphone left on the bench. Without thinking I picked it up and ran to them; it was like she was waiting for it.


2-I'm into photography and there was a street fair in town a few months ago. One of the stands had a funny sign on it and I was taking photos of it from behind the stand when the woman in charge came and looked at me. "I'm taking photos of this sign....Is that OK?" She didn't even bother to respond. (An alpha act would've been to point the camera at her and take a pic.)

3-This morning I went to the dollar shop to buy just one thing. When going toward the cashier I saw a woman standing about 3 feet from the counter sorting out her stuff. As soon as I reached her she turned toward me, silently telling me "let me go first". I thought "She's been waiting here man!" so I let her go ahead. Well she had several items that had to be wrapped individually and I had to listen to her girl talk with the cashier.

I don't know how to kill the beta in me.

Next time you take a photo, before you even say a word, say "Is me walking towards this sign, saying nothing and taking a photo going to kill me?"

Conclusively you will reach the answer no, and so, even if it makes you anxious as fuck, keep asking yourself the question and reaffirm yourself that there is no existential danger in doing this, so move forward and try it.

What you realize is that most people don't even really give a fuck if you're rude or essentially "Do what you want." Once you realize that, the times that people do care will seem minuscule since the world has not shown you itself as being a scary place in terms of social approaches.

I guess my problem is that I've not internalized this yet. I tend to take other people's reactions very serious. I think I have Hyperthymesia; I can't forget anything.

[americanInEurope]

(10-23-2015 09:16 AM)duedue Wrote:  

Being beta (or not alpha) has several components but the one I'm concerned with now is being subservient. Since taking the red pill more than a year ago I've tried not to put other people's needs before mine but I've not been so successful. A good test of whether you are putting on an attitude or you've absorbed it into your personality is what you do when for some reasons your cognition is not at optimal level. For me this often happens because of insomnia.

Here are 3 examples:

1-I was at a sports shop trying on a pair of boots. A hot girl came with her parents and sat at the same bench as me. They headed off after she tried a pair. I swear to god she turned and took a look at the bench before leaving. As soon as they left I notices a big cellphone left on the bench. Without thinking I picked it up and ran to them; it was like she was waiting for it.


2-I'm into photography and there was a street fair in town a few months ago. One of the stands had a funny sign on it and I was taking photos of it from behind the stand when the woman in charge came and looked at me. "I'm taking photos of this sign....Is that OK?" She didn't even bother to respond. (An alpha act would've been to point the camera at her and take a pic.)

3-This morning I went to the dollar shop to buy just one thing. When going toward the cashier I saw a woman standing about 3 feet from the counter sorting out her stuff. As soon as I reached her she turned toward me, silently telling me "let me go first". I thought "She's been waiting here man!" so I let her go ahead. Well she had several items that had to be wrapped individually and I had to listen to her girl talk with the cashier.

I don't know how to kill the beta in me.

1) Start approaching every situation where you wanna talk to a girl as just talking. Don't put pressure on yourself to get contact info. Just tell yourself that you're a normal social guy and just want to make innocent convo. You don't want anything from her. I'm really shy when a girl's friends or parents are around, but if it's just her I see nothing wrong in starting to talk to her about something innocent. I think in your mind you're imagining yourself stuffing your salami in her mouth and you're afraid this will come out in verbal form lol. Just be normal and ask her the time, ask her about her phone, ask her what time the places closes, ask her where'd she get that hat from, ask her anything. I think in that game theory shit that's called a non-direct opening or something, but to me it's jus being a social human being. It's not a crime (yet) to talk to a hot girl about whatever, even if you're not a popular good looking dude.

2) Don't say anything until she speaks first. It is kinda beta to just assume she wanted to kinda punk you into stop taking the pics, but shit who knows. She actually might have just wanted to ask you about the cam/phone or just wanted to know if you got the pic ok. It's not illegal to take pictures of stuff.

3) Nothing wrong with being a gentleman bro. But let it be known that you're behind them waiting too (put your shit on the counter to be rung up, clear your throat loudly, or fuggit just say excuse me i'm kinda in a hurry).

[duedue]

(10-23-2015 11:20 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  

A better question to ask is "What EXACTLY do I want out of life and what EXACTLY am I doing to get EXACTLY that? If you can answer that question truthfully you will be the most Alpha motherfucker you will ever need to be

Exactly this! When I was in high school and early college I was very ambitious and more or less knew the answers to those questions. But then later due to happenings which were partly out of my control I lost the thread. I was depressed for quite a long time. I emerged out of that but still don't know what I really want to do. I just try to get by. I've been reading parts of "Think and grow reach" and one important lesson is that you must have emotions for your goals. But I hardly feel any such emotions now. It's the same problem in my career and with women; I don't really know what I'm doing. If you think about the anecdotes that I mentioned you see that self doubt is behind all of them.