One of my biggest problems with women is never breaking it off when I should, and then I let shit drag on and on and on until way past the breaking point and make it ten times worse when I finally do split.
I feel guilty as fuck leaving a girl I'm in a long-term relationships with. Yes, I know it's stupid, and yes, I know it is a misguided weakness in some major ways, but nevertheless, it's something I struggle with to this day and perhaps always will to an extent. I attribute it to being raised by a single mother, in part, as well as the more introverted side of my nature - introverts are known to be especially emotional and over-empathetic.
Currently in the process of breaking it off with a girl I've been living with for the past year, and I turned to Harry Browne's "How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World" for some wisdom I knew I'd find there (if you haven't read the book, you really should).
I turned to this particular book because it speaks to me more than demonizing other people, which is a tempting way to grow cold on someone, and only looking at the negative aspects of relationships in an effort to assauge my feelings.
(Shout out to bacon for reminding me this book had some great shit to say about relationship issues when we met the other night.)
Anyhow, I know there are other guys on the forum who struggle with this same issue so I thought I'd share this choice quote:
I feel guilty as fuck leaving a girl I'm in a long-term relationships with. Yes, I know it's stupid, and yes, I know it is a misguided weakness in some major ways, but nevertheless, it's something I struggle with to this day and perhaps always will to an extent. I attribute it to being raised by a single mother, in part, as well as the more introverted side of my nature - introverts are known to be especially emotional and over-empathetic.
Currently in the process of breaking it off with a girl I've been living with for the past year, and I turned to Harry Browne's "How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World" for some wisdom I knew I'd find there (if you haven't read the book, you really should).
I turned to this particular book because it speaks to me more than demonizing other people, which is a tempting way to grow cold on someone, and only looking at the negative aspects of relationships in an effort to assauge my feelings.
(Shout out to bacon for reminding me this book had some great shit to say about relationship issues when we met the other night.)
Anyhow, I know there are other guys on the forum who struggle with this same issue so I thought I'd share this choice quote:
Quote:Quote:
It’s easy to be influenced by the apparent needs of others — your spouse, children, employer, employees, friends, parents, relatives. They may seem to be dependent upon you. What will happen to them if you put your own freedom first?
Let’s put your imagination to work one more time. This time take a few moments to imagine that you’re going to die tonight. Yes — die. Pretend that you’ll no longer be here to satisfy the needs of those who have been your responsibility.
After you think about it for a while, you’ll probably come to a depressing conclusion — somehow, some way, by some miracle, the world will survive without you.
Somehow your relatives will find someone else to borrow money from; the church will get someone else to arrange the flowers on the altar every Sunday; your friends will find new people to do favors for them. And your spouse may mourn for a suitable period — and then marry your best friend.
Your political crusades will succeed or fail — just as they would if you were around to help. Your club will find someone else to do its fund-raising. And those who’ve leaned so heavily upon you for advice and sympathy will find other shoulders (and probably follow the new advice as infrequently as they did yours).
I’m not saying you won’t be missed; that isn’t the point. The significance is that these people will find ways to survive without you. You’re not as indispensable to others as you may have believed.
If they can survive without you, why couldn’t you just disappear tonight without a trace, move a thousand miles away, and have a fresh start in an environment where no one knows you and depends upon you?
But why even do that? You don’t have to move away. If others can survive if you died or moved away, why can’t they survive without you while you stay here? Just remove yourself from the relationships and complications that don’t add to your well-being.
In many ways, you’ll be giving others their freedom, too. You might be surprised if you knew the discomforts others are suffering in their relationships with you. If a relationship is wrong for you, you can’t possibly give to it everything a willing person would. Why not get out of the way and let others find better situations, too?
Even if they seem content with you, it may be that they, too, are afraid to speak up.
You can’t know what’s best for everyone else. Let nature take its course; let each person find his own place in the world — in accordance with his identity, his resources, and his desires.
You can’t see inside of someone else. You can’t decide what’s good or bad for others. You can only decide for yourself.
Beyond All Seas
"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling
"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling
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