I’m putting it out there because that’s a situation that isn't remotely similar to what I've experienced meeting girls so far. Alas, some experienced posters could shed some light and this could help others in a similar situation in the future. You can treat it as a case study.
Met a girl through dg, 20yo, went on a couple dates, she was keen but I got cockblocked by… her parents. They seemed obsessed about controlling her and didn’t trust her decisions. You’d be amazed what a smartphone can do even if you live thousands miles away from home. The girl needed to have her GPS on at all times and was barraged with messages/texts/calls almost every few minutes. if she wouldn't reply quickly then she'd have to show on a video call where she was - saw this in action. Made her see shrink and insisted shrink would debrief them (shrink refused) She couldn’t walk into city areas where she’s got ‘no business to be in’. She wouldn’t have it but they threaten they'd stop funding her degree if she didn’t comply. So, she did. I hope you get the picture.
Here’s a little background. The girl was born in US, half white, half Asian. Her attitude is more US than Asian like and she appears to be very liberal. Parents divorced early, mother remarried to an Asian dude when the girl was a teenager. She applied to study in US and UK and chose UK. In the meantime, just before she left for UK she’d met a guy over twice her age (she admitted she prefers older guys) but had to leave for UK and was supposed to have sex with him when back for Christmas. Apparently, parents found out what she was up to (the old guy had girls in rotation and was into kinky stuff - I suspect they made her believe some of it) so they got a much firmer grip and, essentially, imposed embargo on doing what girls her age allowed to do - meet guys, have sex and relationships.
Enter me. Of course, I haven’t learnt the full story until far down the road. She claimed she hasn’t done anything sex related (surprising, I know, but read on). Parents were against the idea of her meeting me but she somehow persuaded them to pull back and trust her so things got a bit better, apparently. Because she had to go back for the summer after exams, there was little time for anything. Thus, we met some 10-12 times (last few times were secretive).
Here’s the funny part. She couldn’t have had sex. Basically, the girl was so tight (vaginismus?) I couldn’t get it in over a few nights despite all my expertise and working it slowly up to two fingers. There was no time to book a visit with a gynecologist, though she had first appointment to talk about contraceptives. And, anyway, she was supposed to be back so thought there was no rush. Now, I’ll admit I got to like the girl. For her age, she’s very smart, got great looks, emotionally stable-ish (so far) and seemed like a very high T girl. We parted in expectation to restart shortly.
After she came back to US the hell broke loose. Her parents brainwashed her, I believe, she can’t be meeting me because I would mentor her and it would lead to unhealthy relationship. Well, I’m older than she is but it’s less than 10 years. They made her to agree not to contact me or reply to me through any means of communication. She made it crystal clear she wants (wanted?) to be with me but has to follow with her parents orders and be honest with them so she can’t be in touch with me. The key reason she caved in is because of stress to keep fighting with her parents everyday over me and for her basic, dear I say, human rights. The last time we had video call she was resigned, looked pitifully sad and helpless. After a few weeks, things, thanks to irregular interaction died down.
She will be back in a month's time. Here’s the thing - she’s moving into all girls flat where all of them have normal parents and let them do what adults can do. She will be a social outcast and will face big social pressure to conform to live a life of girl her age, I think. Apparently, girls made a bet who'd have sex first in a flat (of course, it was her to win) and I think all other girls have had sex by now (ironically, her best friend, who is a couple years younger than her, lost her V card some months ago). She badly wanted to lose her V card. She will frequent same places I do and we,willingly or not, will bump into each other on a weekly basis. She’d also live some 10 minutes walk away from me. Her parents, though controlling as they were, will be far away. Here are the questions:
1. Is it a dysfunctional family and are her stepdad and mother inflicting damage?
2. Why is stepdad so fiercely (emotionally?) engaged depsite the fact he isn't a biological father at all?
3. Shall I consider reaching out to her parents and ask them to meet so they’d see I’m a cool guy?
4. Shall I keep her in the background and see if her emotions will rekindle and she’ll contact me?
5. Shall I acknowledge her when seeing her or ignore?
6. Any other ideas?
No need to tell me I should move on, forget, or get another girl - I have emotionally divested by now (but no to a null point - I wouldn't write it then, I think) and it's more of a case study for intelectual entertaintment as well as how to avoid or prevent unsuspecting cockblocking (is it typical for Asian parents to guard their kids as much?). Has anyone had to deal with something similar and what was the result?
k.
Met a girl through dg, 20yo, went on a couple dates, she was keen but I got cockblocked by… her parents. They seemed obsessed about controlling her and didn’t trust her decisions. You’d be amazed what a smartphone can do even if you live thousands miles away from home. The girl needed to have her GPS on at all times and was barraged with messages/texts/calls almost every few minutes. if she wouldn't reply quickly then she'd have to show on a video call where she was - saw this in action. Made her see shrink and insisted shrink would debrief them (shrink refused) She couldn’t walk into city areas where she’s got ‘no business to be in’. She wouldn’t have it but they threaten they'd stop funding her degree if she didn’t comply. So, she did. I hope you get the picture.
Here’s a little background. The girl was born in US, half white, half Asian. Her attitude is more US than Asian like and she appears to be very liberal. Parents divorced early, mother remarried to an Asian dude when the girl was a teenager. She applied to study in US and UK and chose UK. In the meantime, just before she left for UK she’d met a guy over twice her age (she admitted she prefers older guys) but had to leave for UK and was supposed to have sex with him when back for Christmas. Apparently, parents found out what she was up to (the old guy had girls in rotation and was into kinky stuff - I suspect they made her believe some of it) so they got a much firmer grip and, essentially, imposed embargo on doing what girls her age allowed to do - meet guys, have sex and relationships.
Enter me. Of course, I haven’t learnt the full story until far down the road. She claimed she hasn’t done anything sex related (surprising, I know, but read on). Parents were against the idea of her meeting me but she somehow persuaded them to pull back and trust her so things got a bit better, apparently. Because she had to go back for the summer after exams, there was little time for anything. Thus, we met some 10-12 times (last few times were secretive).
Here’s the funny part. She couldn’t have had sex. Basically, the girl was so tight (vaginismus?) I couldn’t get it in over a few nights despite all my expertise and working it slowly up to two fingers. There was no time to book a visit with a gynecologist, though she had first appointment to talk about contraceptives. And, anyway, she was supposed to be back so thought there was no rush. Now, I’ll admit I got to like the girl. For her age, she’s very smart, got great looks, emotionally stable-ish (so far) and seemed like a very high T girl. We parted in expectation to restart shortly.
After she came back to US the hell broke loose. Her parents brainwashed her, I believe, she can’t be meeting me because I would mentor her and it would lead to unhealthy relationship. Well, I’m older than she is but it’s less than 10 years. They made her to agree not to contact me or reply to me through any means of communication. She made it crystal clear she wants (wanted?) to be with me but has to follow with her parents orders and be honest with them so she can’t be in touch with me. The key reason she caved in is because of stress to keep fighting with her parents everyday over me and for her basic, dear I say, human rights. The last time we had video call she was resigned, looked pitifully sad and helpless. After a few weeks, things, thanks to irregular interaction died down.
She will be back in a month's time. Here’s the thing - she’s moving into all girls flat where all of them have normal parents and let them do what adults can do. She will be a social outcast and will face big social pressure to conform to live a life of girl her age, I think. Apparently, girls made a bet who'd have sex first in a flat (of course, it was her to win) and I think all other girls have had sex by now (ironically, her best friend, who is a couple years younger than her, lost her V card some months ago). She badly wanted to lose her V card. She will frequent same places I do and we,willingly or not, will bump into each other on a weekly basis. She’d also live some 10 minutes walk away from me. Her parents, though controlling as they were, will be far away. Here are the questions:
1. Is it a dysfunctional family and are her stepdad and mother inflicting damage?
2. Why is stepdad so fiercely (emotionally?) engaged depsite the fact he isn't a biological father at all?
3. Shall I consider reaching out to her parents and ask them to meet so they’d see I’m a cool guy?
4. Shall I keep her in the background and see if her emotions will rekindle and she’ll contact me?
5. Shall I acknowledge her when seeing her or ignore?
6. Any other ideas?
No need to tell me I should move on, forget, or get another girl - I have emotionally divested by now (but no to a null point - I wouldn't write it then, I think) and it's more of a case study for intelectual entertaintment as well as how to avoid or prevent unsuspecting cockblocking (is it typical for Asian parents to guard their kids as much?). Has anyone had to deal with something similar and what was the result?
k.
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My Adventures in Game updates on the go: twits by Max Detrick
Unbowed. Unbent. Unbroken.
I don’t ever give up. I mean, I’d have to be dead or completely incapacitated.
-- Elon Musk
