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After the last edition of Real Talk Sessions, several members of our community contacted me privately and asked me to go deeper into Convenience Game, the preferred game of most men, and one that often produces more fruitful long-term results.
While I plan on doing that sometime in the near future so that we can have a more in-depth conversation about that facet of the game as it pertains to picking up women, I was just in a moment where I felt strongly about talking about sex, in a real, adult-like, and unfiltered manner.
Why Do We Want Sex?
It is in our nature as human beings to desire physical intimacy. Sex is the most extreme level of physical intimacy that we can share with others. Additionally, it's the most intense and best physical feeling that we can experience. It allows us to remind ourselves that we're alive, and that we have something to give to someone else that they want from us. For men, sex can be the most dramatic way that we can show a woman how we feel about her. As we get deeper into this piece, I'll revisit some of the statements from this introduction.
Fucking vs. Making Love
We fuck a lot of women who we don't really want to fuck. That doesn't mean that they don't pass our boner test, it just means that we have needs, and sometimes we get our needs met with what's available to us. You probably don't even like your fuck buddy. But she's ready to lie on her back, spread her legs as wide open as she possibly can, grab her pussy lips, and spread them open, and look you dead in the eyes, and that's your cue: ENTER. So of course in the moment you're witnessing this, and in that moment, you want her. In that moment, she's "sexy", and you're hard as hell. Let's do this. But afterwards, you want her as far away from you as possible.
When men talk about "poking something", they're just talking about getting their needs met with some pussy, it's not about the pussy, it's not about the person with the pussy, it's about the fact that you want to get your dick into something.
Some women just do it for us on a primal level. You see a woman, she's walking around with a slim waist, a gang of ass, nice, round titties, a pretty face and dick-sucking lips. You're drooling, and your loins are aching. You want to hit that.
Anything else in the moment is immaterial.
That may sound shitty, like women are just sex objects, but I've been to Queen of Spades parties, we can just be sex objects to them as well, so since it goes both ways, we have nothing to feel bad about.
In the end, fucking is either about getting your dick wet with available pussy -- how you feel about that person is irrelevant -- and about satisfying your primal urges to conquer a woman's pussy that you really want.
Making love is another level of sex. Women don't really want to make love anymore, because they don't want to connect. That's why you have all these thirsty girls talking about how they want to be whipped, choked, and a bunch of other non-lovemaking shit.
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I'll take this a step further, a lot of these women have a history of depression, self-mutilation, etc. they want to take a beating because they hate themselves, as far as they are concerned, they deserve to have their asses kicked and having it done during sex re-frames the act, since sex is involved, it's erotic, instead of you just coming through the door swinging like Buster Douglas and knocking them the fuck out, then it's physical assault.
Fuck them hoes.
Making love isn't just about poking something nor it is about just conquering some pussy of a woman who meets your standards for attractiveness. When we make love, we connect physically with someone whom we've established a mental and emotional bond with. You can make love to a chick who doesn't have the biggest ass, because you love her. You can make love to a chick who doesn't have the biggest titties, because you love her.
When love is involved, you have the best sex, because you're connecting with someone on all levels.
The differences in the two acts are in the nature of the relationship and the inherent mindset that comes along for the ride.
When you're really into a girl, you make a conscious decision to know what really turns her on, what really gets her off. You're actually going to put in effort. You don't eat every girl's pussy and ass. You don't fuck every chick until the sun comes up. Hell, you might not even cum for every chick you fuck. When you're just getting it in, there's an understanding and attentiveness that is just completely absent from the act, because it's not about them and there is no us.
Cheating In A Relationship
Cheating is an "ugly" word that I just don't give a damn about. When you're just dealing with jump-offs and fuck buddies, you're not cheating. There's no relationship to betray. Do be responsible and make sure you're not passing shit around, but do not worry about the fact that she may find out you're fucking other women.
When you're in a relationship, it's "different". Women think that because we start dating, which somehow translates to we're now in an exclusive, monogamous relationship, we're supposed to automatically kill all desire to fuck other women.
Wrong.
It is imperative that you make women understand that exclusivity is earned, and that it takes time and effort to earn it. We're not exclusive because we've gone out salsa dancing a couple of times. We're not exclusive because we finally fucked and it was aight. It's possible that we could become exclusive if you've proven to me that you're down for me, down for our relationship, and you're putting it down in the bedroom the way I like and when I like.
Once we're established, cheating comes with two terms: opportunity and desire.
Most guys are not David Duchovny. He's an exception, not the rule. If we're with a woman, and we're happy, then we don't really have the desire, even if we have the opportunity. The desire comes when we're being neglected either physically, mentally, and/or emotionally.
Let's rewind, when you first enter into a relationship, the beginning is the best time. Each party is trying to put its best foot forward. When the sex goes down, you'll notice that the woman is going HAM on your dick. She's using her sex game to manipulate you into believing certain things about the connection that you two have because she's trying to lock you down. Why do I call it manipulation? Because over time, that going HAM tails off. She used fucking your toenails off to get you into a relationship, and now that she's there, she figures she's cemented her place in your life and she can ease up on effort.
Exhibit A: married couples.
Has a married man ever told you that typical story about how their wives used to deep-throat them on the ride home from Carrabba's when they were dating, and now that she has his last name, he can barely get has balls fondled?
I remember going to a friend's house once, and he and his brother were chillin' on the couch watching some DVD about how to get the sex back in their marriages; both had been married for less than a year.
What the fuck?
Some of us have women out there who look at us and get 'gina tingles. They want our bodies. So the opportunity to fuck these women is there, all we have to do is lead the interaction into a comfort zone where it can discreetly go down. However, we often don't get to desire to do so until we find our needs being neglected.
The worst thing a woman can get do is push you into a corner -- in other words, forcing you to make a decision -- and you end up having sex with another woman. Once you connect with another woman physically, and you like it, and she likes it, how mad your main chick may get over it is completely fucking irrelevant. And even if you get caught, you're going to keep fucking. Guys don't apologize until they get caught because they're not really sorry that they found someone who they can have guilt-free, unattached pleasure with that they're chick isn't providing, they're sorry that someone they care about found out about it, and now they're hurt.
But you didn't cheat, she neglected your needs. As I stated before, your needs are not just physical. Sometimes women do things and act in certain ways that just murder the vibe. When the vibe is bad, then you don't really want to fuck her. For example, your chick has been nagging you non-stop because you've been busy with work and unable to concentrate solely on her. You're out there in the world working your ass off and getting your ass kicked, and when you get home, she's not there to be supportive, she's there to air grievances about irrelevant bullshit. In the course of doing so, she's crossing the line with certain things that she's saying and doing, and when you finally get a break and can take a load off, you're supposed to get with her and devour her body?
No.
You'd be better off going out and seeing if your path crosses with someone else's who also needs to blow off some steam. Better yet, you might hit up that one chick from work who's sensed your vulnerability and suddenly become someone that you've made a mental connection with -- an indication that the opportunity is there. That connection leads to you and her getting involved physically -- that particular facet of female seduction deserves its own conversation.
Look, we're adults. We have to make adult decisions. They're not easy, and sometimes people get hurt. But sometimes people are responsible for the decisions that had to be made. Accept that, don't accept manufactured guilt.
I Want To Fuck A Lot of Women
If you say you want to have more sex, then I don't assume you mean more of it with the same person. I mean sex with more women. If that's your desire, I'm going to tell you the "easiest" way to get there.
First, get as physically attractive as you possibly can -- good looks and look good.
If you're above-average in physical attractiveness, you'll be able to put in some work and fuck above-average attractive women. You likely won't be swimming in them, but you'll have fucked some 7s-8s here and there. Let's be real, really attractive women fuck men who look like them, attractive as well -- of course there are exceptions, but those are special cases in which there may be something else that she wants to extract from that man, and she's using sex to do it.
When women want to have casual sex, they're just as superficial about it as we are. If you're above-average attractive, then you can fuck all the below-average women that you want because you're what they find desirable, not the men on their level. Real talk, a lot of guys who have fucked a high number of chicks, have fucked mostly chicks who are underneath their level -- that doesn't mean below-average, it just means below them. It takes a certain type of guy to be swimming in dimes, but when it just comes to casual sex, players are more in it for the sex than the women, so they take the fact that the 5 is a layup for them, and if there's something there about the woman that turns him on -- her sex drive, body, etc. -- it's going down, and they don't feel about bad it.
In casual sex, the woman doesn't care about how intelligent you are, that you're well-rounded, that your credit is good, etc. That shit matters to a girl who's interested in locking you down. But if it's about fucking, you either make her pussy wet or you don't. It'll be easier to get there if she finds you physically attractive.
Secondly, when the opportunity presents itself, you have to take the interaction as far as it possibly can go.
Think about it like fishing. There's a calmness that's intrinsic to the act, the tranquility of the water, the connection we're making with our hunter-gatherer ancestors, it's man and nature, how can we not love it? But with women, we sometimes make fishing mistakes. We put our bait our there, attract them to our hook, reel them in, and then for whatever reason throw them back.
Let's translate that into a real-life interaction.
You meet a girl at a club. She's all over you, you can touch her anywhere you want, she's shoving her tongue down your throat, and then when the night comes to an end and her friends are doing everything possible to whisk her away, all you do is get her number.
That's you throwing her back into the water.
There's nothing wrong with getting the number, but that shouldn't be done until after it has been established there's no way you two are fucking tonight.
Lastly, you can't just depend on her being horny and you being attractive to her. You have to be able to establish a connection and make her feel comfortable about where the interaction is going. A woman knows when sex is in the air. She has that extra drink because she's trying to get those last inhibitions out of her system for the moment, because she knows what's up. She wants you, you want her, this can happen. Now.
But you have to make her feel comfortable about it, and you have to lead it to where the both of you want it to go, it's rare that a woman will actively serve up pussy and lead like, "you're coming home with me". Most guys will tell you that's only happened to them when fat girls have thrown themselves at them.
Those of us who know how to make that connection and lead the interaction have what we all call "game".
Real talk.
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