[Eddie Winslow]

A guy recently posted in the newbie forum about feeling inferior to other men at a bar. I have a similar issue to what this guy is talking about, but I have it with women too. Figured I'd share it here and ask for advice.

Definitely not trying to brag - but when I look in the mirror, I see a good-looking, fit, funny, and charismatic guy. I think my friends and the girls in my life would agree. But for whatever reason, I just feel below the majority of people I interact with. I naturally put the wants and needs of other people ahead of my own. If I put myself first, I often feel guilty and wrong. This obviously goes against inner-game beliefs that I've been implementing for the past 3 or so years, and has filled me with an insane amount of inner conflict.

When I first hit puberty, I decided that some girls (and for friendship, some guys) would always be off limits to me. I kept these beliefs till I discovered the forum. As my confidence and game improved, I said 'fuck it.' I started approaching, dating, and fucking girls way higher than I believed I should be. I got more respect from dudes I thought were cool. I accomplished this by completely dehumanizing hot girls. I physically cannot invest any emotion into a pretty girl because I feel like she is just a validation tool, a piece of expendable arm candy. Even when all signs point to them genuinely being into me, I barely enjoy dating or even fucking them. It feels fraudulent; almost as if I'm cheating and I'll get caught at any second. I don't feel like I really deserve it. However, with an average chick, I'll enjoy their company and happily bang her multiple times a day. I can also connect emotionally because it feels real.

Like I said, I see myself as a high-value guy, so I don't think it is low self-esteem. I just don't believe anyone else is capable of seeing me in this light. I feel doomed to forever underselling myself with women, business, everything. Since learning game has shown me glimpses of my own potential, it makes the idea of settling for less feel even shittier.

Anyone else understand where I'm coming from??

[evilbuttmunch]

I don't have any real game success as I'm a newbie, but I do have experience with anxiety, depression, and in a lack of both self-confidence and self-esteem. It sounds like you can logically value yourself but it doesn't hit emotionally. You are explicitly describing a lack of self-esteem, with high self-confidence. The two are interrelated, with confidence building when successes ramp up and are weighed realistically against failures as your experience increases. It's hard to be confident with no experience; you essentially have to lie to yourself and others about it. Esteem comes from confidence; you feel in your core that you are worthy based on the positive feedback you get. It sounds like you don't feel worthy of an attractive woman either because you feel like you tricked her; you think that she doesn't actually like you, she likes who she thinks you are; or because since you don't value her, then you can't possibly value her opinion of you. In reality, no one sees you exactly as you see yourself. Unfortunately, for many men, denying your being, including whole sets of feelings of vulnerability, sadness, anger, and jealousy, is important to deny or at least mold in positive ways in order to get and maintain high status, and attract women.

I have a similar problem. I logically have confidence in my value, highly intelligent, average to above average looks, fit, great career, I can make people laugh; but I have no self-confidence in my ability to broadcast my value to women or do anything about fixing it, and I have little self-esteem in general because the confidence I do have is fragile and doesn't hit emotionally. I can lead a business meeting, impress my boss, lightly flirt with my female coworkers, but if I stand next to a cute girl at the coffee shop on the way home, my mind blanks and my heart sinks, and instantly my day becomes terrible.

You can't easily use logic to escape from your emotions. Your ego does, however, use logic to explain your emotions through rationalization. This is where you begin to rationalize your feelings through the lens of guilt, shame, blame, etc. In my case, I would get anxiety from social interactions, doubt my ability to maintain basic interactions, and this would deepen into long term depression, and finally into a panic attacks and a real fear of committing suicide over self-worth with women when the reality was that I barely even tried with women out of a fear of performance anxiety. I pulled myself out of depression through therapy, and in my day to day life I can be relaxed, assertive, and funny with plenty of friends and coworkers, but still unable to date because I haven't learned that specific skill yet.

[lowhead360]

delete

[heavy]

(01-25-2015 03:41 AM)evilbuttmunch Wrote:  

I don't have any real game success as I'm a newbie, but I do have experience with anxiety, depression, and in a lack of both self-confidence and self-esteem. It sounds like you can logically value yourself but it doesn't hit emotionally. You are explicitly describing a lack of self-esteem, with high self-confidence. The two are interrelated, with confidence building when successes ramp up and are weighed realistically against failures as your experience increases. It's hard to be confident with no experience; you essentially have to lie to yourself and others about it. Esteem comes from confidence; you feel in your core that you are worthy based on the positive feedback you get. It sounds like you don't feel worthy of an attractive woman either because you feel like you tricked her; you think that she doesn't actually like you, she likes who she thinks you are; or because since you don't value her, then you can't possibly value her opinion of you. In reality, no one sees you exactly as you see yourself. Unfortunately, for many men, denying your being, including whole sets of feelings of vulnerability, sadness, anger, and jealousy, is important to deny or at least mold in positive ways in order to get and maintain high status, and attract women.

I have a similar problem. I logically have confidence in my value, highly intelligent, average to above average looks, fit, great career, I can make people laugh; but I have no self-confidence in my ability to broadcast my value to women or do anything about fixing it, and I have little self-esteem in general because the confidence I do have is fragile and doesn't hit emotionally. I can lead a business meeting, impress my boss, lightly flirt with my female coworkers, but if I stand next to a cute girl at the coffee shop on the way home, my mind blanks and my heart sinks, and instantly my day becomes terrible.

You can't easily use logic to escape from your emotions. Your ego does, however, use logic to explain your emotions through rationalization. This is where you begin to rationalize your feelings through the lens of guilt, shame, blame, etc. In my case, I would get anxiety from social interactions, doubt my ability to maintain basic interactions, and this would deepen into long term depression, and finally into a panic attacks and a real fear of committing suicide over self-worth with women when the reality was that I barely even tried with women out of a fear of performance anxiety. I pulled myself out of depression through therapy, and in my day to day life I can be relaxed, assertive, and funny with plenty of friends and coworkers, but still unable to date because I haven't learned that specific skill yet.

I missed this because I don't often check the forum on the weekends, but...


So succinct and well articulated. I'm going to keep this to go back to and read as a great explanation of what I, and I'm sure many here, can relate to. There's a lot of Id <--> Ego <-->Superego going on here.

Keep posting brutha.

[Dusty]

You might to check out this thread:

http://www.rooshvforum.network/thread-28873.html

It describes methods for altering your thinking, thought processes and philosophies of life to put your head in a better place in dealing with women and in life in general.