[OregonToSoCal]

(10-15-2014 09:57 PM)MrXY Wrote:  

(10-15-2014 07:23 PM)MdWanderer Wrote:  

(10-15-2014 01:09 PM)Nomad77 Wrote:  

Yes, it's always ok to do everything less than them but never more. You can slip up once in awhile if you are already banging her but only once in awhile. I usually try to keep my emotional output at about 80% of theirs. One easy way to do this called mirroring.

http://www.nlp-secrets.com/nlp-technique-mirroring.php

Mirror and throttle back your output by about 20%. It is important to understand that we express emotions primarily subconsciously and we can do this in many different ways.

I think my biggest confusion with this is trying to present a fun vibe with the girl. Often she is usually laid back before the date while I'm like a kid in a candy store. Not because I'm happy to go out with the woman, it's mainly due to trying to create a fun vibe. I'll try next time to be interesting yet mysterious and below her energy level. I was always scared that acting chill on dates would make me seem boring in her eyes.

Go on YouTube and watch some scenes with Daniel Craig as James Bond, Clint Eastwood as The Man with No Name, Mel Gibson as The Road Warrior, or Jack Nicholson in just about any role.

Do those guys act like entertainment monkeys? No- and they are considered sexy masculine icons by women.

What women find exciting and alluring is masculine power. Generate that internally, keep it pent up, let it exude from you, and express it in unpredictable times, places and ways, and no girl will ever call you "boring."

Excellent insight MrXY. Isn't this also just another way of saying not to overgame women on a date? While I'm still having issues with getting the first date pull back to my place I'm much better at building and keeping attraction during the date. Up until recently I had the strong limiting belief that I needed to be almost larger than life on a date, especially with women who I found exceptionally attractive. I would turn into this hand waving, high energy entertainment monkey in the hopes that I would win her over. Unfortunately that's not congruent with my normal personality and I would burn out after an hour or so.

After reading other blogs and watching online videos from various dating coaches I've changed my approach to now being the guy who sits back in his chair, asks deep thought provoking questions and gets the woman to talk 70-80% of the time which is much more inline with my natural personality. I'll throw in a playful tease here and there and briefly relate what she says to a similar experience in my life and then quickly turn the attention back to my date. I was so worried at first that by doing this I would be perceived as "boring" but it's been just the opposite. The dates go much smoother, the woman feels more at ease and it seems like the whole process is just easier and a lot less mentally fatiguing.

[homersheineken]

(10-14-2014 03:06 PM)OregonToSoCal Wrote:  

So the thread title says it all. I've been going on as many first dates as possible, most of them from Tinder and POF. The dates themselves seem to be going well. I've been working on my body language, leaning back, doing light kino and getting the women to talk about 70% of the time. I never go for the public kiss as per Tuth's first date bang recipe and I really try to make the date about comfort and building a connection.

A little bit into the date I'll drop some bait about me being a photographer in order to plant the seed of them coming over to my place later and after around an hour or so I'll casually ask "I don't know if you have anything else going tonight but how about we go to my place and I can show you those photos from xyz that I was telling you about?" About 1/3 of the time they will agree without hesitation but the other 2/3 they will act slightly uncomfortable and say something like "at your house??" I'll casually say yes as if it's the most normal thing in the world and they will answer with something along the lines of "Hmm, maybe next time" or "I'm not comfortable with that yet but I like hanging here with you."

After that it seems to be a lost cause and so far I've never been able to turn a "maybe next time" into a yes. And we all know a "maybe next time" is usually a "not a chance in hell". Has anyone been able to overcome this kind of resistance or am I missing a fundamental element in my first date game? Or is it just part of the numbers game? I approach all first dates with the mindset that I can successfully get the bang 100% of the time, whether it's realistic or not.

Another thing that hasn't been suggested is to say "Come back to my place and checkout the photo of XX" or "We should head to..." instead of "I don't know if you have anything else going on, but if want not come over?". I wouldn't even put that thought in her head.

It just sounds weak. Lead her, expect the sale that she is going to come back to your place. Don't give her the option to say "no" ... but if she does, no big deal, continue on.