[americanInEurope]

One of my new years resolutions is to constantly put myself in situations where I was happy and comfortable. In the long run, that just makes me a happier and more fun person to be around.

I live in Germany, and one of my honeys is a cute German college girl. She's mad cool, and I really like hanging out with her. We laugh, we make fun of people, we have great sex, we go on vacations together. Thing are great. But to be honest, her friends aren't that hip on the fact that she dates me. And I don't know how to handle this fellas. I could get into mad detail about the Germany psyche and why German girls like hip hop music and club booty bouncin but cringe whenever they're around actual black people, or why after 8 years of formal English study in school still most can barely say "thank you," but I think the bigger problem for me is getting along with her friends. I just don't have the energy for it anymore lol. Because German education is pretty much the same country wide, I run into the same lame fucking questions at parties with her friends, if at all, and I'm afraid my boredom is starting to show. And because I talk to everyone in English, her friends now are at the point where they just don't talk to me when we all go out cause they just don't fucking understand English. They can ask basic questions but anything deeper than a drunken convo is impossible. Here's a lesson for all you kats in the states who wanna visit Germany. THEY DON'T SPEAK A WORD OF ENGLISH here, or they do and just don't want to. And I understand that. Its their country and they shouldn't have to change just for one dude, not even for the night. So now her peeps avoid me and if my girl leaves the room they follow her. I mean its cool with me, but pretty soon, due to my resolution this year, I'm going to have to suggest she goes out with her friends without me. But this might disrupt the harmony we have in our relationship, or worst. Shes a young girl and her friends are everything to her. How do i diffuse this little situation before it becomes a problem?

Just FYI, I don't normally hang out with Germans. I don't speak well enough German to do so, so usually I'm in the UK or somewhere where most people speak English. So this just isn't my scene to begin with. But I try for my girl.

[Tommy]

Just want to know this: how old is your girl?

So basicly, when your girlfriend goes out they will go out with her but won't speak to you? Sounds pretty childish to me.

I speak basic German. Most Germans i've met far away outside of Germany who speak fluent English will quickly transfer to speak German to me all of a sudden, even if I didn't tell them I speak German.

Germany is one of those countries where everything foreign-related like movies, cartoons and video games are duped/translated in to German language (sames as in France) instead of keeping the original language. This is one of the reasons why they might not be as well English speaking as Dutch people for example who most of them grew up with TV series and cartoons in English with only Dutch subtitles. This is one of the reasons why I was able to maintain a serious conversation with someone in English at the age of 9 without ever learning it in school before I was 10 years old.

[americanInEurope]

(03-03-2011 08:11 PM)Tommy Wrote:  

Just want to know this: how old is your girl?

So basicly, when your girlfriend goes out they will go out with her but won't speak to you? Sounds pretty childish to me.

I speak basic German. Most Germans i've met far away outside of Germany who speak fluent English will quickly transfer to speak German to me all of a sudden, even if I didn't tell them I speak German.

Germany is one of those countries where everything foreign-related like movies, cartoons and video games are duped/translated in to German language (sames as in France) instead of keeping the original language. This is one of the reasons why they might not be as well English speaking as Dutch people for example who most of them grew up with TV series and cartoons in English with only Dutch subtitles. This is one of the reasons why I was able to maintain a serious conversation with someone in English at the age of 9 without ever learning it in school before I was 10 years old.

Are you Dutch? My girl is 20 and all of her friends are either 19 or 20.

Yeah that's basically what's going on. They are nice people but some of them, especially the young pretty girls, just refuse to speak english out of fear of making one single fucking mistake or something. I tell them it's ok and that I make mistakes all the time in German but it doesn't make them relax. I guess they are not use to being put in that kind of situation where they are at a disadvantage. My girl has told me a few times that they are so jealous that my English is so good and there's isn't (like they're oblivious to the fact that it's supposed to be good). I know It's totally my fault for not being conversational in German but something tells me something ain't right here. What you said is exactly right, and for the longest time I couldn't figure out why German's English was so bad (not only basic English, but also americanism's that everybody knows - like "easy as pie"- gets blank stares), but when I go like 50km to Holland they not only speak perfect English but they've got zero accent. Germans need to stop overdubbing their shit. Not even Americans do that. It's not only aesthetically pleasing to listen to the original version but you also learn something. I've watched movies with German chicks in OV and they're like "I like Brad Pitt's German voice better" lol.

Anyway it might have a little bit to do also with the fact that I'm obviously not German. I'm a black guy with a semi huge Afro speaking American English. So I'm kinda intimidating to them from the beginning. I'd hate to think thats it tho. Germans, being somewhat of a multicultural society, still are shocked to see color in small towns especially in the south. All her friends live in big cities but are from smaller towns so the last thing they expect or want to see is a big black guy in their face speaking English. I know it's up to me to break the ice and talk to them in German first but I just don't have the energy or patience anymore. They're so serious and have like zero sense of humor its almost painful to keep a convo going. And then going to a party where everyone asks you the same questions! Omfg lol, Its like I need a card with the answers to these commonly (100% of the time) asked questions to give out beforehand so they'll at least come with something more original.

[adrian_D]

If I was you - and I was planning on sticking around for a while in Germany - I'd start taking some course to improve your current level of German to a much higher standard so at least then there would be more to talk about when you go out and you would have plenty of people to practice with. I think that being in a foreign country, the locals like to see you are trying to make an effort. From your post it seems they are the ones who are having to make all the effort.

[Tommy]

(03-04-2011 02:41 AM)americanInEurope Wrote:  

Are you Dutch? My girl is 20 and all of her friends are either 19 or 20.

I'd hate to think thats it tho. Germans, being somewhat of a multicultural society, still are shocked to see color in small towns especially in the south.

I'm Belgian and Dutch is my native language but I speak with a Flemish accent.

They try to protect the value of their oh-so beloved German language.

What are you doing there? Why aren't you in the Netherlands, Belgium, Italy, UK?

[Lumiere]

Stop hanging with her when she is with her friends.

Hang with her one on one and give her space and time for her to hang with her friends.

[Chase]

A pity to hear this. Villages, esp. in the south, suck. Even Germans moving there from other parts of the country have a hard time getting accepted. If you could move to a larger city like Munich, things will be different. You can focus on students or educated people with better language skills.

My Irish and American friends actually use their English as an advantage. They are doing very well in groups that include both Germans and international people. Only when they are out with exclusively German groups, it is harder for them to socialize.

[americanInEurope]

@Adrian_D

I've been to fochhochschule before and learned quite a bit. I can get around, I can pay my bills, I can order pizza delivery, etc. But you probably know what mean, when I just can't express my personality properly thru the language. I end up boring myself just speaking it. I work with nothing but Americans and live around Americans so I'm not really immersed in the culture. Plus their dialects are hard to keep up with. Everybody's got their own way of talking, I don't know how they understand each other. And a lot of Germans I met don't have the patience to talk to a person that can't keep up quick. For some reason they think we have 8 years of German in America like they have 8 years of English here. So i dont get a lot of practice.

@Tommy

I'm in Flemish Belgium all the time. I use to have a gf there (Antwerp) and now that it's getting warmer I'm sooooo gonna be there fest hopping every month this summer. Believe me I tried to work in BeNeLux and the UK but I'm here without a EU visa working as a US gov't contractor. I'm not a normal American worker here. If I leave my system and go out into the real world, I'll have to pay taxes and get a lot less money. There's a small job market for guys like us. Only a few jobs here and there, with most of them being in Germany. Thankfully I live close enough to the border to get away when I need to. I don't wanna bash my few German friends, but some people here live their life like theres no consequences for being a douchebag or something. It's a love and hate thing. Just when I think German guys can't get any more dickheaded, you meet a really cool one that makes you feel bad for talking shit. It's a country trying to come to terms with a tradition of douchebagerry and the modern standards of respecting people even tho they are "beneath you."

Munich is a cool city and is very international. I think most big cities in Germany are welcoming to English and foreigners, but like in every country you always get those people in small towns who don't have any interest in life outside of it. I think in order to be happy I need to not hang out at my girls place. She lives with a roommate who is a sweet girl but doesn't speak English either and they have partys all the time there. It's impossible to be there without her friends being there. Its like ordinarily I wouldn't hang out with those people and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't hang out with me. So it's like forced when I'm there. There's tension and that's not cool or sexy

[Gavin1234]

In fact, I often hear people saying how well Germans can speak English on average (and would go on as to rank us to be among the best non-native speakers on average in Europe, after Scandinavia and the Netherlands).
Many people use it rarely, however, and are afraid/too subconscious to use it. Concerning americanineurope, maybe it is your accent. If you talk very fast or in a very American accent, people might simply not understand you even if they can speak English. I would suggest to tone that down accordingly.

[Invictus]

Dude, you're in Germany and you're bitching about them not speaking ENGLISH?

What the fuck?

Learn German, you twat. If you bothered to demonstrate genuine interest in their culture by learning their language, you'd earn their respect and friendship.

Take responsibility, man.

[Agent_GQ]

(03-04-2011 01:23 PM)Invictus Wrote:  

Dude, you're in Germany and you're bitching about them not speaking ENGLISH?

What the fuck?

Learn German, you twat. If you bothered to demonstrate genuine interest in their culture by learning their language, you'd earn their respect and friendship.

Take responsibility, man.

What Invictus said.

[americanInEurope]

(03-04-2011 01:23 PM)Invictus Wrote:  

Dude, you're in Germany and you're bitching about them not speaking ENGLISH?

What the fuck?

Learn German, you twat. If you bothered to demonstrate genuine interest in their culture by learning their language, you'd earn their respect and friendship.

Take responsibility, man.

lol, how does this help me? time to dig in that ass...

Do you live here? Are you me? No, so shut the fuck up.

Dude, i'm Zertifikat Deutsch. Technically, I "know the language" but that doesn't teach you how to converse rapidly with a bunch of Germans does it? If you're not an American/Brit/Aussie/etc that's actively working here right now, then you're talking about stuff you don't understand, so get off your high horse and stop talking shit. And take responsibility? Look at my post again jackass. I don't know how many times I've said 1) it's totally up to me to learn the language, and 2) because I'm not conversational at it i've pretty much decided to chill in the UK when i'm not working. Just so happens I'm dating a very social chick with lots of German only speaking friends, that tune me out if I don't speak immaculate German. Any dude would be intimidated in that situation.

@ Gavin1234

Point taken. And I don't mean to insult German people. You're right. Compared to other countries Germany is pretty highly ranked in speaking English. And it might be a confidence thing. I think the best way to learn is get out there and make mistakes, like my boy Invictus just did

[Aliblahba]

@AIE- Man I tried several times to grab a contract in Germany. Shit, I almost got a job working on a NATO base in Romania back in '08. I have two close friends that were stationed in Deutschland and later took jobs around Schweinfurt and Baumholder. They loved it and said Germans speak better English than most Americans. I'm jealous bro. Just wear some cheekless leather lederhosen. Her friends will come around. LOL.

[Tommy]

(03-04-2011 01:11 PM)Gavin1234 Wrote:  

I'm German and think it is not a fair statement to say that we cannot speak English. In fact, I often hear foreigners saying how well Germans can speak English on average (and would go on as to rank us to be among the best non-native speakers on average in Europe, after Scandinavia and the Netherlands). But on the other hand, I work in an international area and use English all the time. At least the well educated Germans can speak proper English.
Many people use it rarely, however, and are afraid/too subconscious to use it. Concerning americanineurope, maybe it is your accent. If you talk very fast or in a very American accent, people might simply not understand you even if they can speak English. I would suggest to tone that down accordingly.

More Flemish speaking people in Belgium speak English than Germans in Germany do.

[Invictus]

Learning a new language, especially at an older age, requires patience because you're going to suck for so long. I'm learning Spanish in Latin America, and unless you're willing to get out of your comfort zone, you'll make no progress.

You're complaining about something you're unwilling to change. By your own admission you acknowledge you're unwilling to do what it takes. I don't think any one here can help you.

[rudebwoy]

(03-04-2011 01:23 PM)Invictus Wrote:  

Dude, you're in Germany and you're bitching about them not speaking ENGLISH?

What the fuck?

Learn German, you twat. If you bothered to demonstrate genuine interest in their culture by learning their language, you'd earn their respect and friendship.

Take responsibility, man.

+1

You are in Germany, I believe there language is German. You are living there so you should make the effort to speak it.
You are coming across like a typical american overseas!!
Please refrain from swearing at me, I would love to be in your position as a fellow black man.

[afronoob]

(03-04-2011 07:57 PM)rudebwoy Wrote:  

(03-04-2011 01:23 PM)Invictus Wrote:  

Dude, you're in Germany and you're bitching about them not speaking ENGLISH?

What the fuck?

Learn German, you twat. If you bothered to demonstrate genuine interest in their culture by learning their language, you'd earn their respect and friendship.

Take responsibility, man.

+1

You are in Germany, I believe there language is German. You are living there so you should make the effort to speak it.
You are coming across like a typical american overseas!!
Please refrain from swearing at me, I would love to be in your position as a fellow black man.

AIE,you're at least semi-proficient enough to get good pussy; IMHO thats enough Germanspeak! Don't bend over for her friends' sakes-in so doing you will inadvertently reduce your attraction level which is directly proportional to your black non-German speaking exoticness.
Forget advanced language classes-unless you plan to study original Schopenhauer.

[oldnemesis]

(03-03-2011 05:17 PM)americanInEurope Wrote:  

THEY DON'T SPEAK A WORD OF ENGLISH here, or they do and just don't want to.

Dude, you went to a foreign country, and you not only expected the locals to speak English, but you're also COMPLAINING that they do not?

It is because of jerks like you all Americans have a reputation of being ignorant and dumb.

PS. And no, it will not help you, but there is nothing you can do. Considering your rudeness, you're fitting extremely well into the "dumb ignorant American" stereotype, which is surprisingly not that popular outside the USA. And her friends are treating you exactly like that, and I'm with them on this one.