[davidvs]

(05-11-2014 12:48 PM)Checkmat Wrote:  

Forty-three is NOT too old to join a BJJ gym

I started Gracie Jiu-Jitsu last year, at age 41, and am loving it.

There is a 65-year-old guy often there when I am.

From what I have seen, being forty just means that I more often use some arnica cream after working my muscles sore, so they are no longer sore by the next morning.

[sheesh]

Most guys I know don't have many friends, so I think your problem is pretty common.

Once people get to a certain age in the western hemisphere their lives start to solely revolve around their jobs and family/partners. While women usually maintain their friendships, friendships go down hill for most men and they are totally dependent on their gfs/wives to organize their social lifes, it often makes me sick to the bone to oberve this phenomenon around me.

[jamaicabound]

Not criticizing you as I think we've all been in a funk before but I think the biggest hurdle to get out of a funk is having a negative mindset. Right now you're feeling like nobody wants to be my friend, my life sucks,etc. It's kinda like a catch 22 because that feeling peopel pickup on and nobody wants to be around a person like that. I'd suggest doing the fake it til you make it thing. Force yourself to go out, act like your having a goodtime, soon enough you will be and you'll meet some friends and snap out of it.

Also, if your friends cut you out of your life just because you dont drink you needed some new friends anyway. I went through something simliar as you a few years back. I noticed none of my friends were really true friends, more just acquantances so I pretty much cut most of them out of my life. Looking back I maybe should took them for what htey are, not counted on them just kept them around as someone to grab a beer with if I dont have anything else going on but not really as true friends I invest any time energy or effort in as they didn't recepricate that.

I think you'll notice a lot of guys on here are kinda lone wolves and don't really have or need a social circle. I'm kinda strange myself I guess, sometimes I wish I had more friends or a social circle but when it really comes down to it I'd rather go out on my own or do my own thing and am always busy with work and my business I really don't have time to be hanging out with dudes couple times a week.

[Georges89]

I am 26, and my set of circumstances are different but I can relate. I have been making changes lifestyle recently. Namely, spending my weekend 'out' in the evening just drinking for the sake of it has kind of got boring for me, especially as you lose saturday/sunday during the day recovering.

I am finding since leaving the bar life behind somewhat that it is opening up a lot more time for myself now on the weekends, and whilst I do have a set of friends that I can chill with, kick a ball around with, play some pool, go for a bike ride, its a fairly small inner circle and its not always easy to find someone to hang out with every weekend.

The rest of my social circle is bigger but I only really know the others through the medium of drinking and going out. So once I decided that I want to get more serious about self improvement and taking better care of myself: my health, fitness, brain and appearance, and didn't want to spend weekends drinking, its like a large swathe of people I used to meet whilst drinking are no now longer people I want to meet with on a regular basis, so my social circle has become a lot tighter.

I have recently taken part in a football (soccer in the US) meet up group in London which has been good, its just dudes getting together playing some football and that's a great way to let of some steam and have fun. Outside of that, I am looking at taking language classes in Italian, and also learning to play an instrument in a group setting. So the opportunities are definitely there. Its just a question of being very patient as it takes a while to build new hobbies, meet new people, build new connections. Its not going to happen overnight but its something you have to work towards.

For me, I would like to get to the point where I am taking part in 3-4 hobbies over the weekend, like playing football, learning a musical instrument, and perhaps another group activity also. When you are not hungover the whole time you realise how much time you have over the weekends.

[lovejoy]

(06-21-2015 03:59 AM)Georges89 Wrote:  

I am 26, and my set of circumstances are different but I can relate. I have been making changes lifestyle recently. Namely, spending my weekend 'out' in the evening just drinking for the sake of it has kind of got boring for me, especially as you lose saturday/sunday during the day recovering.

I am finding since leaving the bar life behind somewhat that it is opening up a lot more time for myself now on the weekends, and whilst I do have a set of friends that I can chill with, kick a ball around with, play some pool, go for a bike ride, its a fairly small inner circle and its not always easy to find someone to hang out with every weekend.

The rest of my social circle is bigger but I only really know the others through the medium of drinking and going out. So once I decided that I want to get more serious about self improvement and taking better care of myself: my health, fitness, brain and appearance, and didn't want to spend weekends drinking, its like a large swathe of people I used to meet whilst drinking are no now longer people I want to meet with on a regular basis, so my social circle has become a lot tighter.

I have recently taken part in a football (soccer in the US) meet up group in London which has been good, its just dudes getting together playing some football and that's a great way to let of some steam and have fun. Outside of that, I am looking at taking language classes in Italian, and also learning to play an instrument in a group setting. So the opportunities are definitely there. Its just a question of being very patient as it takes a while to build new hobbies, meet new people, build new connections. Its not going to happen overnight but its something you have to work towards.

For me, I would like to get to the point where I am taking part in 3-4 hobbies over the weekend, like playing football, learning a musical instrument, and perhaps another group activity also. When you are not hungover the whole time you realise how much time you have over the weekends.

Very good advice, one pretty much has to put together a new tribe after a marriage goes south. Mine did at 56 and like most most guys I had no social safety net, only that related to my job and family.

I rebuilt via a bucket list of things I always wanted to try, or used to do, but married life got in the way. I took up acting in local theater, did volunteer work, which got me a lot of social invites, got a motorcycle, dragged out my guitar from the closet and joined a cycling club. I could be busy every night of the week if I wanted to.

I'm now 60 and now have a new band of brothers I meet up with regularly to play pool, listen to the local music and entertainment scene. Women are secondary in all this, if they are available fine, if not I can have a good time without them...The older you get, the more you realize most women simply are not worth much of your time that you will never get back.