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Dealing with Flakey Girls
#26

Dealing with Flakey Girls

Roissy has addressed this question:

Should You Call Out A Girl's Bad Behavior?

The question of whether to call out, or confront, a girl over any behavior of hers that is disrespectful to you is less cut-and-dried than it sounds. For instance, what do you do when you ask a girl out through text and she replies a day later? The he-man, tough guy traditionalists would say you don’t put up with shit from women, you be a man, and that means reprimanding women when they get out of line. Ok, great, but will that get you any closer to getting laid, which, remember, is your primary goal?

(He-men will say to that “Getting laid is less important than sticking up for your principles.” I’d tell them that having principles is fine up until the point those principles become recurring obstacles getting in the way of enjoying a satisfying love life. After which point it’s time to reevaluate your principles so that they’re geared to your personal advantage.)

Back to the scenario of the girl who texts a day late. It just so happens that I put the “calling out” theory to the test about four years ago when I went through a string of dates and flings with about fifteen girls in two months. Three of the girls totally flaked on me: two cancelled a first date at the last minute and one stood me up. A fourth girl took forever to reply to my texts. I was pissed at these flakes and was searching for a fail-safe method to deal with them and bolster my dignity in the process. At that time, I had been hearing a lot from a couple of naturals I knew who claimed that they never hesitated to call girls out on their shitty behavior. They recommended I do the same. Up till then, I was fairly content to just ignore or tease girls when they acted out their female flake algorithm.

To the two girls who cancelled at the last minute, I texted one and left a voicemail with the other expressing my displeasure along the lines of (paraphrasing) “My time is valuable. Last minute blow-offs are not cool.” To the girl who stood me up, I left an angrier text telling her not to make plans if she wasn’t going to see them through. The fourth girl who waited forever to reply to my texts got this in response: “I don’t hang with girls who can’t be bothered to text back in a reasonable time frame.”

The idea here was to rattle the girls with a strong, but non-needy, alpha display that they normally didn’t experience from most men they flaked on. In theory, it sounded plausible. However, in practice it was a total failure. None of the girls ever replied to my stern rebukes.

Conclusion: disciplining prospects = failed game.

Early in the seduction process, before you have cemented the bond with a few nights of fuckfare, stern paternal rebukes, however much delivered from a position of non-neediness, will turn girls off. A girl will never — I mean NEVER — accept that she bears responsiblity for her poor behavior. I don’t care if her fucking life is on the line, she’ll find a way to excuse her actions. Calling an inconsiderate girl out will only add pellets to her hamster’s food dish, and she’ll happily rationalize your scolding so that her decision to flake seems like a good one to her: “Wow, that guy is weird. Good thing we didn’t meet up.”

If you want to blow up any bridges to sex for the thrill of chastising a girl when she’s acting like a bitch, and for helping other guys out who might have to deal with her in the future, I say go for it. I suggest brutally dressing a girl down in front of a group of her friends, or in a public place. “Did your parents raise you to be this way?” is a good line that’ll shut most shrikes up.

But I wouldn’t make a habit of it. The best way to handle misbehaving, flaky girls that most consistently results in furthering positive interactions with the girls (should you choose to further them) is to do the following, in no specific order of effectiveness:

- Ignore
- Tease
- Misdirect
- Demote

Here are some examples of the above methods.

Ignore:
Self-explanatory. A girl texts you a day later, you don’t immediately reply, and you don’t let her know that her tardiness even registered in your consciousness. You act like this is just how girls are, and they deserve no better in return. Proceed as if nothing is wrong.

Tease:
“-10 points for lack of prompt reply. you’re losing me. you got ground to make up.” Also see this post for more examples of teasing a girl to reverse her flaking.

Misdirect:
“What was this about?” Forces girl to explain the context of her reply, which reframes back in your favor. Another good misdirection involves answering as if you were talking to a different girl, which will compel her to figure out what you mean: “Ok, i’ll drop my stuff off at your place later”, to which she will likely ask “what?” and then you reply “my mistake. what’s up?” (credit: Lara).

Demote:
(credit: YaReally) I wouldn’t call her out I’d just act as if I have 10 playboy models on the go and simply reply “sorry too slow lol made other plans. Next time” and then not respond for a few days. That teaches the lesson of “don’t dick around” without coming off insecure and angry.

I can say with a good degree of assurance that calling girls out for crappy behavior is counter-productive in the early stages of a seduction or dating trajectory. It might make you feel better, but it won’t pry open many vaginas. It’s a different story once you’ve been sexing a girl or are in a relationship; at that stage of the fuck cycle, you should establish your dominance when she starts pulling shit on you to test your alpha mettle. Bemused mastery is the alpha attitude women love, and there isn’t much room for indignant anger in that attitude. Especially at the beginning, when neither of you knows each other very well.

If you act like the typical shit that girls pull gets to you, then she’ll think (rightly) that you don’t have much experience with women.

http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2012/04/0...-behavior/

..............

Now that I re-read this article, I remember I have repeated this line to myself countless times. I totally forgot it was from this article. There is an important lesson to be learned from this sentence:

Quote:Quote:

...having principles is fine up until the point those principles become recurring obstacles getting in the way of enjoying a satisfying love life. After which point it’s time to reevaluate your principles so that they’re geared to your personal advantage.
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#27

Dealing with Flakey Girls

As many of guys have already pointed out. Flaking is really about value, more specifically your value to her. The ONLY way to prevent flaking is to be of HIGH value to a girl. Now, you could be of very high value to one girl and almost nothing to another. What you are worth to any specific person is a product of a lot of different factors. The more men a woman has to chose from, the less valuable each one becomes. At any given point in time she will be rating all the men at her disposable and seeing who comes out on top. Since there is no way for you to know who and how many of these men she has access at any given point in time you cannot know who your competition is and how you rate against them.

The only thing you can do, is to seek out women that value you highly enough not to flake. Why they value you is not important and that can change. What matters is that they do and the No.1 way they show this is by wanting to be with you.

And as other guys have pointed out already, in America, it is best to expect the worse and hope for the best. I assume ALL women will flake UNTIL they prove otherwise.
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#28

Dealing with Flakey Girls

Quote: (04-26-2014 02:47 AM)Farmageddon Wrote:  

If you want to blow up any bridges to sex for the thrill of chastising a girl when she’s acting like a bitch, and for helping other guys out who might have to deal with her in the future, I say go for it. I suggest brutally dressing a girl down in front of a group of her friends, or in a public place. “Did your parents raise you to be this way?” is a good line that’ll shut most shrikes up.

Awesome post Farmageddon. Absolutely see Roissy's point. And Nomad is on the money - if a girl truly values you, she won't flake - I've seen this first-hand with girls flying over from different continents to meet up.

However, if she does flake - that means your value in her eyes was not enough. So what can be done about this? Increasing your value will not happen over-night. Even after the bang, flaking is not unusual. Personally, when a girl flakes numerous times, the last thing I want to do is get into her pants (again). If calling a girl out, has an (albeit small) shot of making her not such a cunt with future men, I'll absolutely consider it.

I suppose the equivalent would be calling out a snarky fat bitch at the bar for being rude - of course you're not getting laid by her friend, but if she shows slightly more restraint next time a guy tries to pick up her friend - mission accomplished in my books.

NB - Clearly the ideal option would be to pack up and leave like Roosh - I'm trying to fight the good fight, but realising how futile all of this is. Just more fuel to work toward a location-independent lifestyle...

If you're not growing, you're dying.
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#29

Dealing with Flakey Girls

Miami has got to be the capital of flakey girls. I have had girls ask me for my number and then not return my text. I have had girls ask me out and then not follow up. Calling a girl out on her bad behavior can only work under two circumstances: (1) she holds you in high regard but if she did she wouldn't be flakey in first place, (2) she doesn't have other options. As long as a girl has other guys willing to put up with their shit calling them out will have almost no impact. Ye, they may feel a little bad for about five seconds before the next Instagram like or text rolls in. My experience with calling girls out, IN MIAMI, mirrors others on here - they just ignore you.

Or as this young, attractive girl I know told me: Why should I be nice? When I act badly, guys still give me whatever I want anyway.

I even did a test today. I asked a girl why did she give me her card if you didn't even want to talk to me. Her answer? No reply [Image: smile.gif]
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#30

Dealing with Flakey Girls

Simply put there will ALWAYS be flakes and there will be MORE as the years go on.

Don't take it personal, just evaluate what you could've done better.

Some girls just want attention but have no intentions with you.

I get flaked on quite a bit from online dating sites. It's quite a bit less if you gamed them in person and got their number face to face.
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#31

Dealing with Flakey Girls

What I am beginning to understand is that more flakey the girls are the more you have to filter heavily from the start. Make it clear what you want and what your intentions are. Before you ask for their number ask them out. Get at least a tentative commitment to meet again before you even waste time getting their numbers. The attention whoring in the US is probably the number one reason girls are so flakey in this country. I just called out a girl and she apologized for leading me on and told me she was married.
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