NOTE: This is a drunk(en) post. Take it as you will.
![[Image: stand+by+me+1986+.jpg]](https://2.bp.blogspot.com/__MR1JLtPauA/TLCpsXIvCAI/AAAAAAAAI2A/QFwzqbJgXyU/s1600/stand+by+me+1986+.jpg)
"Stand By Me" is a humorous, wistful look at some young boys who come of age in the movie. It is based on the novella "The Body" by Stephen King, released in 1982 in a compilation called "Different Seasons." The compilation also included "Hope Springs Eternal," also known in cinematic form as "The Shawshank Redemption."
The story opens up with a narrator reading the newspaper one day, only to find out his best friend from his childhood had been knifed to death in a fast-food chicken joint. He recalls his most vivid memory of his best friend that comprises 95% of the story.
The story is set in the 1950's in a small town called Castle Rock. It is about four young boys, around 12 to 13, all good friends, who learn of a dead body by some train-tracks way outside of town. One the boy had been eavesdropping on his older brother, who is involved in a gang, and his brother was discussing the body with a fellow gang member.
All four decide to make the trip to see the body. It is sometimes very funny, sometimes sad as the four boys talk about and come to grips with problems in their young lives. They manage to get to the body the next day, only to encounter the local gang there, as well. The two groups hassle over who gets to report the body to the police in order to get the reward. The gang leader whips out a knife and threatens the boys. The main character (the narrator) pulls out a gun and says nobody will get the reward because the police will get an anonymous tip. The gang decides to leave as the young protagonist clearly means business.
I will wrap up with the book's ending, as the movie's was too saccharine. In the book, two of the friends die in their 20's, one a victim of his recklessness driving a car, the other passed out drunk in house fire.
However, the narrator relates the story of his best friend, as he helped him overcome his poverty & poor home-life in high school by mentoring him and helping him get good grades. Eventually, his best friend gets into college and then manages to get into law school.
He was murdered during his second year of law school. The protagonist recounts that, at the time, he was married with a child on the way, teaching English. The story ends with him recounting how he became a blockbuster writer, now wealthy & privileged. He concludes him revisiting his home town of Castle Rock, finding the former gang leader, once young & handsome, now a fat drunk. He notes how radically different arcs of life can go from childhood.
One things I have observed in my short time on this planet is how radically different people's lives are over time. This past summer, I have seen many, many friends get engaged and move across the country. Personally, every single friend I made in school has been scattered across the country, not one staying where I am at right now.
I have talked before about how the past is best left in the past, but this is more about how the future collides with the past.
I have talked before about my personal growth from being raised by a narcissistic mother and the long, slow journey from overcoming that. However, I am young and still have much room to grow. Still, this is a summer for me that is very much a bridge to a completely life away from academia and into the workforce & real life in a way I haven't experienced before.
I have always worked through school. I worked over 20 hours a week in high school, and sometimes went right against 40 hours a week in college. I didn't have a job first year of law school, but got a part-time one my second year - one I still work at.
I would like to think that trepidation around taking on much more responsibility as a professional is weighing on my mind, but it isn't really. It is understanding the arc of my life, the people in it & what it means going forward.
First, consider that I only really have worked to improve myself psychologically since law school. I have a constellation of friends from childhood, high school & college that I interacted with as a garden-variety codependent with paranoid traits. Of course, many were not people with serious complexes, but a good bit were.
My exes? All clinical narcissists. One of my best friends? Another clinical narcissist. One of the most difficult issues when healing yourself isn't just healing yourself, but understanding that many people you have in your social life are there because you both need to drain each other emotionally. Had I written this a year ago, this article would be much more depressing. That being said, now it is more a melancholy reflection than anything else.
Sometimes, there are periods of time in your life when you are at a crossroads. I know I have many friends that I need distance myself from - and I have been. I also know I need to make new ones that are more of a reflection of the man I have become, not the man I once was. For the moment, it isn't all that doable, as I have much more important short-term issues to deal with. Still, it is an issue that presses on the heart. Even if said relationship isn't healthy, it is tough to wind down a long-term friendship with anybody. Part of that is the fact that any relationship cannot be completely negative - there has to high points. I have much more important things to do in my life these days than wait around for some narcissist put on an amazing displays of charisma or brilliance.
Building on that, one the worst draining relationships I have ever experienced was with a narcissistic female. She recently got engaged - something nobody in our social circle expected. When I saw it, I was surprised but just went on scrolling down the newsfeed on Facebook without a second thought.
It was one of the those moments where you realize just how far you have come. This woman had a serious hold on me just years prior and now I just think, "Damn!" and move on. It might be a flashbulb memory for me, as it encapsulated where I am at now. I got a litany of messages about it; asking what I thought, felt, etc. The tinge I felt was slight and not what I expected it would be. That is the trick thought - I hadn't though of her in so long it was like she was little more than a footnote on Facebook.
I recall a line from the movie "Swingers," when Rob Livingston's character remarks that sometimes you miss the pain of heartbreak once it is gone. I can't relate to that specific sentiment, but I can relate to fact you thought that there was going to be pain, but there wasn't. I had shed some the worst aspects of my psychology and it felt a little barren. That is not unexpected, as your psychological issues are there for a reason - to carry you through your untoward childhood. Still, it is quite the realization that you have moved past that part of your life.
But it isn't everything.
Another woman recently got engaged. She was always attractive, but there was no psychological pull for me as she didn't fit my need for a narcissistic female. I know there a good bit of atheists on the forum and probably even fewer who identify with any religion, but she always was a good Christian and if I was going to get married to a woman, it would be to a woman like her. As much as I liked her in theory and in person, she represents something else - that is I haven't been the man I have wanted to be.
For many guys, the man who they want to be is often reflected in the women they like. They pick up on the men those women want, then try (often failing) to become those men. For men like me who are products of narcissistic mothers, that was your only choice as a boy. As an adult, you get to determine who you are as a man. It can be very tough to work through some issues, but there is always hope it can be done. That being said, when it comes to women, sometimes it is about who you want to be.
![[Image: 20110901-125641.jpg]](http://thequestfor50.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/20110901-125641.jpg)
I purchased Roosh's "Day Bang" and his other books long before I had any presence on this forum. However, one thing I noticed was that I was more interested in developing relationships with women - although purely informally. Initially, I tentatively chalked that up my residual desire to please my narcissistic mother. Over time, however, I realized that wasn't it. I considering many theories before I realized that, given my growth & my room to grow, I wanted to be the man my father couldn't be.
I love my father, but I understand his supreme limitations. I didn't grow up in a single-mother household, just one ruled with an iron-fisted woman who refused him any say in my raising. It is depressing for any young boy.
Maybe it isn't psychologically healthy, in the end, but Lord have mercy if I don't want to do it. Part of me could not leave this world, in the end, if I didn't become a father and do my damnest to be the best father I could. It isn't a permanent feeling for me, one that comes and goes with more regularity the more I learn about myself & psychology.
These are heady issues that cannot be explained fully or understood fully with one post on RVF. Maybe they don't need to be.
The ending to "Stand By Me" showed how radically different lives can be after childhood. I have seen this first hand. As always, it is how you handle your life once it is in your hands. This is nothing new.
However, I used to wonder who the hell stayed up for late night programming on TV like I did - who couldn't go to sleep? I mean, come on, who stays up for a show at 1 AM? I realized, though, that it is only the heartless bastards of the world who never miss wink of sleep. It is the people who give a damn about the world around them that lose sleep.
Maybe, I'm just searching for a perfect world I will never find.
"Stand By Me" is a humorous, wistful look at some young boys who come of age in the movie. It is based on the novella "The Body" by Stephen King, released in 1982 in a compilation called "Different Seasons." The compilation also included "Hope Springs Eternal," also known in cinematic form as "The Shawshank Redemption."
The story opens up with a narrator reading the newspaper one day, only to find out his best friend from his childhood had been knifed to death in a fast-food chicken joint. He recalls his most vivid memory of his best friend that comprises 95% of the story.
The story is set in the 1950's in a small town called Castle Rock. It is about four young boys, around 12 to 13, all good friends, who learn of a dead body by some train-tracks way outside of town. One the boy had been eavesdropping on his older brother, who is involved in a gang, and his brother was discussing the body with a fellow gang member.
All four decide to make the trip to see the body. It is sometimes very funny, sometimes sad as the four boys talk about and come to grips with problems in their young lives. They manage to get to the body the next day, only to encounter the local gang there, as well. The two groups hassle over who gets to report the body to the police in order to get the reward. The gang leader whips out a knife and threatens the boys. The main character (the narrator) pulls out a gun and says nobody will get the reward because the police will get an anonymous tip. The gang decides to leave as the young protagonist clearly means business.
I will wrap up with the book's ending, as the movie's was too saccharine. In the book, two of the friends die in their 20's, one a victim of his recklessness driving a car, the other passed out drunk in house fire.
However, the narrator relates the story of his best friend, as he helped him overcome his poverty & poor home-life in high school by mentoring him and helping him get good grades. Eventually, his best friend gets into college and then manages to get into law school.
He was murdered during his second year of law school. The protagonist recounts that, at the time, he was married with a child on the way, teaching English. The story ends with him recounting how he became a blockbuster writer, now wealthy & privileged. He concludes him revisiting his home town of Castle Rock, finding the former gang leader, once young & handsome, now a fat drunk. He notes how radically different arcs of life can go from childhood.
One things I have observed in my short time on this planet is how radically different people's lives are over time. This past summer, I have seen many, many friends get engaged and move across the country. Personally, every single friend I made in school has been scattered across the country, not one staying where I am at right now.
I have talked before about how the past is best left in the past, but this is more about how the future collides with the past.
I have talked before about my personal growth from being raised by a narcissistic mother and the long, slow journey from overcoming that. However, I am young and still have much room to grow. Still, this is a summer for me that is very much a bridge to a completely life away from academia and into the workforce & real life in a way I haven't experienced before.
I have always worked through school. I worked over 20 hours a week in high school, and sometimes went right against 40 hours a week in college. I didn't have a job first year of law school, but got a part-time one my second year - one I still work at.
I would like to think that trepidation around taking on much more responsibility as a professional is weighing on my mind, but it isn't really. It is understanding the arc of my life, the people in it & what it means going forward.
First, consider that I only really have worked to improve myself psychologically since law school. I have a constellation of friends from childhood, high school & college that I interacted with as a garden-variety codependent with paranoid traits. Of course, many were not people with serious complexes, but a good bit were.
My exes? All clinical narcissists. One of my best friends? Another clinical narcissist. One of the most difficult issues when healing yourself isn't just healing yourself, but understanding that many people you have in your social life are there because you both need to drain each other emotionally. Had I written this a year ago, this article would be much more depressing. That being said, now it is more a melancholy reflection than anything else.
Sometimes, there are periods of time in your life when you are at a crossroads. I know I have many friends that I need distance myself from - and I have been. I also know I need to make new ones that are more of a reflection of the man I have become, not the man I once was. For the moment, it isn't all that doable, as I have much more important short-term issues to deal with. Still, it is an issue that presses on the heart. Even if said relationship isn't healthy, it is tough to wind down a long-term friendship with anybody. Part of that is the fact that any relationship cannot be completely negative - there has to high points. I have much more important things to do in my life these days than wait around for some narcissist put on an amazing displays of charisma or brilliance.
Building on that, one the worst draining relationships I have ever experienced was with a narcissistic female. She recently got engaged - something nobody in our social circle expected. When I saw it, I was surprised but just went on scrolling down the newsfeed on Facebook without a second thought.
It was one of the those moments where you realize just how far you have come. This woman had a serious hold on me just years prior and now I just think, "Damn!" and move on. It might be a flashbulb memory for me, as it encapsulated where I am at now. I got a litany of messages about it; asking what I thought, felt, etc. The tinge I felt was slight and not what I expected it would be. That is the trick thought - I hadn't though of her in so long it was like she was little more than a footnote on Facebook.
I recall a line from the movie "Swingers," when Rob Livingston's character remarks that sometimes you miss the pain of heartbreak once it is gone. I can't relate to that specific sentiment, but I can relate to fact you thought that there was going to be pain, but there wasn't. I had shed some the worst aspects of my psychology and it felt a little barren. That is not unexpected, as your psychological issues are there for a reason - to carry you through your untoward childhood. Still, it is quite the realization that you have moved past that part of your life.
But it isn't everything.
Another woman recently got engaged. She was always attractive, but there was no psychological pull for me as she didn't fit my need for a narcissistic female. I know there a good bit of atheists on the forum and probably even fewer who identify with any religion, but she always was a good Christian and if I was going to get married to a woman, it would be to a woman like her. As much as I liked her in theory and in person, she represents something else - that is I haven't been the man I have wanted to be.
For many guys, the man who they want to be is often reflected in the women they like. They pick up on the men those women want, then try (often failing) to become those men. For men like me who are products of narcissistic mothers, that was your only choice as a boy. As an adult, you get to determine who you are as a man. It can be very tough to work through some issues, but there is always hope it can be done. That being said, when it comes to women, sometimes it is about who you want to be.
I purchased Roosh's "Day Bang" and his other books long before I had any presence on this forum. However, one thing I noticed was that I was more interested in developing relationships with women - although purely informally. Initially, I tentatively chalked that up my residual desire to please my narcissistic mother. Over time, however, I realized that wasn't it. I considering many theories before I realized that, given my growth & my room to grow, I wanted to be the man my father couldn't be.
I love my father, but I understand his supreme limitations. I didn't grow up in a single-mother household, just one ruled with an iron-fisted woman who refused him any say in my raising. It is depressing for any young boy.
Maybe it isn't psychologically healthy, in the end, but Lord have mercy if I don't want to do it. Part of me could not leave this world, in the end, if I didn't become a father and do my damnest to be the best father I could. It isn't a permanent feeling for me, one that comes and goes with more regularity the more I learn about myself & psychology.
These are heady issues that cannot be explained fully or understood fully with one post on RVF. Maybe they don't need to be.
The ending to "Stand By Me" showed how radically different lives can be after childhood. I have seen this first hand. As always, it is how you handle your life once it is in your hands. This is nothing new.
However, I used to wonder who the hell stayed up for late night programming on TV like I did - who couldn't go to sleep? I mean, come on, who stays up for a show at 1 AM? I realized, though, that it is only the heartless bastards of the world who never miss wink of sleep. It is the people who give a damn about the world around them that lose sleep.
Maybe, I'm just searching for a perfect world I will never find.
![[Image: puke.gif]](https://rooshvforum.network/images/smilies/new/puke.gif)
