[twigman]

Went out tonight. 1st date. Fairly shy girl. Went to a bar. We had a few drinks. I told a few interesting stories, and she was asking questions. Our conversation got going, it was a good interaction. I got body language - knee pointing at me. Some sort of indicators for me of attraction. We went to see a movie. I didn't touch her there, except for leaning over a couple of times, touched her leg, touch her arm briefly as I asked a question or made a comment.

We went to a bar after that and it was crowded, we ended up with almost full contact on one side of our bodies. Its funny, but I intuited we had contact long enough to get us ready perhaps for the next level.

Walked her to the car, ( I don't like to linger at this stage - I've learnt its either in for the kill or nothing), I went for the kiss, she turned her head - landed on the cheek. At this point I just reaffirmed with her we'd be seeing each other soon and left.

She's agreed to meet again in the next 3 days, and then on th e weekend for a party at her place.

Any advice on touching? THis is my big obstacle. I came from a family that wasn't touchy feely at all and its all been a huge learning experience even with previous girlfriends. With a new person I tend to under-touch perhaps.

Can I also say : Much of the cold reading techniques come across as lame for these intelligent PHD types.

How important is hand holding? I felt perhaps, the touching was impersonal like if you sat next to a person on a bus. Anyway, this area is so fraught for me -any comments welcome.

I would have liked to kiss her properly tonight. I'm sure I will soon, probably on her terms though on the 5th date or something ?!!

[Basil Ransom]

Put an arm around her waist instead of holding her hand.

My usual progression, if the circumstances are suitable: I approach, introduce myself and shake her hand rather soon, start touching her upper back and shoulder as she starts laughing. As her interest develops I move my hand to her lower back, and eventually to around her waist, where it stays. If it's at a party, I might ask her to dance.

When you're talking to multiple girls, you should touch multiple girls, but not heavy touching. And you should do the heavy touching with the girl you're talking most to, not the indifferent hot babe. Usually you get to decide anyway.

This is all for night venues. Day game requires much more finesse, but is much more potent with less touching. You want to focus much more on light touching, the sort a charismatic alpha does to everyone while talking, like touching your shoulder to emphasize a point. Imagine you're Bill Clinton, and touching is just a part of your charming demeanor.

In retrospect, I feel like I must've looked like a creep while gaming girls in class, but it can be done.

Say you're on a date with a girl, sit next to her rather than across; across makes for an interview dynamic and makes touching hard. Rather sit next to her, where you can touch her more easily, and look at her over your shoulder, indicating disinterest (esp. if you're noticeably taller than her while sitting - she'll love that). Go upper back/shoulder, and then above her knee to coincide with a joke or something. If her seat has no back or she's leaning forward, you might then put your arm around her waist. Bonus: Find an excuse to touch her face. Not long ago, I was with this cheeky, feisty chick, and her eyes were widest when I turned her face around to face mine. Manhandle.

And do not touch while not talking or talking about serious stuff. I've done the latter, and it just feels weird and incongruous.

[zorgon]

(09-30-2008 09:08 AM)twigman Wrote:  

Can I also say : Much of the cold reading techniques come across as lame for these intelligent PHD types.

Yeah, I'm not sure I can do those sorts of routines. They don't really fit me. There are a few I've seen that sound OK, but most of them, I just think: "wow, if crap like this works on a majority of women, can we please just repeal women's suffrage, now?"

Quote:

I came from a family that wasn't touchy feely at all

I'm exactly the same. Good old repressed German Catholics.

basilransom covered a lot of the basics already. I only have a little to add.

1. Just go for it. I find that the shoulder touch is a really easy way to start. It will become natural, even if it doesn't feel natural today.

2. Running your fingers through her hair. Not at the beginning, but if you can do this later on with no resistance, a kiss is inevitable. In general, face touches are gold.

3. I've found it highly entertaining to get girls to *think* you're about to kiss them, then back off. Of course this doesn't work for your end-of-date situation, but if you have the time... After doing this several times with one she actually asked me, "Well, are you going to kiss me or what?" You can't always just give them what they want. You have to offer it, then take it away, then eventually let them have it back.

[twigman]

I'm sure she would be fine with touching, the trick is for me to do in a natural way for me.

Thanks for the advice on shoulder touching, I think I would have gone straight for hair or hand, feeling 'I must do it' but feeling perhaps incongruous.

By the way I think to naturally ramp up the touching is going to be a real key to advancement to a better game - thanks for the input.

[Trotter]

Grab her ass and see what that gets you.

[Chick]

Go for her lower back. Her reaction will tell you everything. If she lets your hand linger there she's not against body contact and you can do what you want from there. Within reason of course.

[Trotter]

Do the 'kiss test'.

Something I've learned from reading David d'Angelo. I've tried it a total of three times and it's not something that's supposed to work or not work. It's supposed to be a guide to let you know how close you are to the kiss.

What you do is when you're in a comfortable environment with the girl you move your hand to the back of her neck and start to caress and play with her hair. If she likes it and starts to change her breathing pattern a bit, smiles, closes her eyes, and possibly even purr that may mean that she is ready for the kiss.

I've tried it 3 times that I remember. 2 girls responded favourably and I moved in for the kiss. 1 girl looked at me like what the hell are you doing and I didn't move in for the kiss. It's just an indicator to help make a decision.

[Thug Muffin]

I kinda have an order in which I touch.

1. shoulder, upper arm, elbow
2. lower back, waist, side of waist, hands

I'll hold on to her side while I'm talking to her and kinda judge from there. If my hand can stay there a while I'm good to go.

I'll always do little games to help kino along like fake palm reading. Or I'll hi-five and web our hands together as we bring them down so that we're holding hands.

I don't like going for the kiss at the end of the date because it seems forced to me.
At a high point in the conversation I'll look in her eyes and with my hand I'll fix her hair by kinda tucking her hair behind her ear. I'll even just fake fixing her hair too.
If I can do that without her flinching then I'm golden and I'll just go in for the kiss.