[XXL]

This is for anyone who gives up and leaves after his approach doesn't hook right away.

Instead of trying your line/shtick once and leaving when it fails I encourage you to view it differently. View approaching as breaking the ice that may be thick so you know you might need to use different tools to actually break it. In other words, be ready to try a few different angles, not just one, before leaving. OK so let's say you open.


"Excuse me is that a good tampon?"


The girl barely acknowledges you. That angle didn't quite make it. But you wanted to meet her. You think maybe that was too random so you try to expand on that little more by trying to say something funny cause you remember that girls love guys with sense of humor:


"No really my periods are killing me can you recommend me one?"


She doesn't really bite it cause she sees you trying to push something that doesn't work and gets a bit annoyed. You see it in her eyes. Shit. It's time to recover. You decide to empathize with her:


"Look, sorry, i didn't mean to be weird, i'm just having a bad day and my charm sucks today, i totally get it why you're bit annoyed at me, i probably would react same way if I was you"


It's OK to say that. She actually fully agrees that you're off today. But at the same time she sees that you're aware how you come across and unlike any other idiot that you're paying attention to her. Good boy. She appreciates that. So that's something. But she's still neutral towards you. So you try different to shake things up:


"yeah and besides I froze a bit when I saw you because a woman with/in [something about her looks/style] is my type that's why I got more stressed, you know how guys are, nothing makes our heart beats faster like women"


Now she might be still neutral but everyone likes a compliment. She's likely to be more flattered and a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittle bit more open. Then you carry on that nice/complimentary road or try different angle like teasing. So you say:


"so yeah so basically what i'm saying is that it's your fault that I got bit anxious, you bring it out of me, I feels like prom in high school again, even now when you're looking at me like that, don't do it, look away"


This is likely to spike her emotions more and provoke some sort of reaction that you can use to your advantage. She's disarmed now cause you handled awkward situation smoothly and took full responsibility for your 'mistake'. You recovered with charm. Good for you. Now of course it can snowball from there or go nowhere due to random reasons. Either way you can congratulate yourself that you didn't leave after bit rough landing like a bitch.


Important: stop teeing up things to say and watch girl's reactions. When you open with X thing and she's not biting it then carrying on that X thing is probably bad idea. Try Y thing, ideally something that deals with her initial skeptic reaction so that she can see you're with her. Then when she's disarmed and neutral again you can try Z thing that 'attacks' her from different angle. IMO it's OK to try up to 5 different angles, after 5 it becomes pushy/needy/weird.


That's how you can be spontaneous and relaxed cause you know you can always take different route to get round too bumpy road. You train you empathy, make it easier for yourself, give the girl a chance to more time to get to know you and give yourself more time to convey your personality.


Good luck!

[XXL]

ADDENDUM:

BTW, I wanted to expand on that 'trying different angles" thing cause it's applicable not only with breaking the ice but also with leading the interaction and moving it forward in general. So approaching, moving around, escalating, pulling, etc.

Examples...

Moving around
Let's say you want to move the girl around to get her to follow you. Good baby stepping move. You can say "let's go there to chill a bit". She doesn't want to maybe because it's too early for her to get one on one with you. Well, it's not over. You can offer her to meet your friends [girls that you met an hour ago] who hang out near smoking area, introduce them and then turn her back to them and boom you got her in mini isolation. You can tell her friends that you're both going to the bar to buy a drink and ask if that's OK with them. You can ask mother hen for her blessings cause you want to marry your girl [silly roleplay but it worked for me a couple of times, my girl instantly felt OK with hanging out with me]. Stuff like that.

Escalating
With physicality it's good to assess how intense was that move that 'failed' and try something less intense, again. If putting her both hands on your neck fails, laugh it off, step back a bit and try to take her hands and hold them saying you like french manicure. Holding is still good and feels nice. Stuff like that.

Pulling
Same as with moving around but it's just you two. It's matter of offering random excuses to end up together in private place again and again and baby stepping it so that you gradually get closer to the love place instead of trying make one big jump from A [Approach spot] to B [Bedroom]. One way is to sell that "afterparty" thing. Another one is to offer free booze. Another one is to offer to chill and show her how you play guitar. Etc etc.

Best thing about this mindset is that it removes your ego from the whole thing. Cause, shit, how many times we get hard on ourselves that we suck. Fuck that. You're fine. If you made some girl a bit uncomfortable [maybe out of your spontaneous excitement] you just messed up your timing. Nothing you do to a girl is wrong per se. It's just too soon or too late [or the girl is messed up but that's beyond your control]. It's not the end. It's not like "getting a request not to touch is a firm rejection". No it's not. Translation: I'm not comfortable with you touching me like that YET. You just have to think "oops, too soon for X, ok cool, let's try Y" after you mess up. Instead of worrying about what's wrong with you and posting about it on forums.

To me personally, it's weird cause I grow colder the older I grow. I'm getting more and more socially intuitive and I know I do nothing wrong socially so when some girl still acts weird I just think "pleeeeeease girl, get a life". I mean, just because I did/said something in wrong place or wrong time it means that it's immediately over and I lose my chance forever with that girl? Give me a break. She just needs to bit more time to see my personality.

Defensiveness/rejection is more like an impulse decision resulting from not enough face time together. It's just that. To me it's never over. Let's say I do some physical move that makes a girl a bit uncomfortable in that moment. How can that be the end? All it takes is to reframe it like "sorry i didn't mean to piss you off, I can understand why you're mad at me, I just grew up with sisters and being very touchy was natural form of affection towards each other, we were constantly fighting with each other, if I something wrong just tell me, ok?" so that it can make sense to her. Or let's say I tell a girl compliment in a mall and she freezes and acts like a frightened penguin. Is that the end? OMG she's lost for words, it's over haha. No, ridiculous. It's just a surprise to her. That's it. That's something that has to be dealt in smart way to take it somewhere.

OK i'm done here

[batmanMNUSA]

Thanks for the advice!