[traveling boho]

So last week I had this girl over for the first time. I was getting zero resistance most of the way. But when I had down to her panties things started to go wrong in a weird way. She started saying things like, "I'm never going to see you again after this, right?" and started giving off this anxious, sad vibe. But she wasn't going to stop me from doing the deed either.

Her anxiety totally killed the mood for me, though, and I couldn't go through with it. I explained to her that I don't want to be with a girl who doesn't feel totally safe with me. And she got it I think, since I had her over last night and everything went fine.

But there's a lot of insecurity there obviously, so I doubt I'll keep her around for that long.

Has this every happened to any of you guys? How did you deal with it?

[AlphaQup2nite]

This is common in girls who are insecure or unsure of their own sexual desires. I see it alot in girls who i think had some kinda abuse issues, or just problems with sex in general. Chinese girls pull this shit alot when they really fall for you, b/c they know they have to give up sex to keep a guy in a relationship, but they feel like they are giving away too much control. Also, very traditional value girls also will do this. The issue is that they like you, but they dont know how to connect with their own desire.

[sramosobriant]

(04-25-2010 11:58 AM)AlphaQup2nite Wrote:  

This is common in girls who are insecure or unsure of their own sexual desires. I see it alot in girls who i think had some kinda abuse issues, or just problems with sex in general. Chinese girls pull this shit alot when they really fall for you, b/c they know they have to give up sex to keep a guy in a relationship, but they feel like they are giving away too much control. Also, very traditional value girls also will do this. The issue is that they like you, but they dont know how to connect with their own desire.

This seems wise, and yet not so much. If a woman connects with her own desire, that is, wants sex, recognizes that she wants it, then the next step is to get it, but most women want this as part of a relationship. There's nothing wrong with this goal, but it does seem to skew male/female relationships in favor of the male. I don't think these women should trade sex for a relationship because the power balance will forever put them in a one-down position.

In the example above, the woman is signaling her vulnerability, and while she may think she's sending the message of a helpless female who needs to be saved, and "please to hurt me like everyone else has done," what she is really saying is, "take me and do what you want with me because I'm a doormat and don't deserve more."

Sheesh! I wouldn't want to fuck her, either. Too much responsibility.

The only issue for me would be whether the fellow was supplying good sex. It's up to me whether I want to see him again, not the other way around.

It seems that the sexual revolution is all topsy-turvy.

[Quasi]

There is no way you can fix her low self-esteem... and its just a turn off... girls can be mediocre looking and dressed, but it they are charming and secure its alot better then an insecure hotty. Since the sex is always boring and semi-traumatic with those low esteem chicks

[Willy Wonka]

I usually lie to these types of girls, fuck them and then never see them again.

I admit I'm probably adding to the problem, I'm sorry, but why would I want to keep talking to you after you say shit like that? It's just such a fucking turn-off.

[AlphaQup2nite]

(04-25-2010 01:14 PM)sramosobriant Wrote:  

(04-25-2010 11:58 AM)AlphaQup2nite Wrote:  

This is common in girls who are insecure or unsure of their own sexual desires. I see it alot in girls who i think had some kinda abuse issues, or just problems with sex in general. Chinese girls pull this shit alot when they really fall for you, b/c they know they have to give up sex to keep a guy in a relationship, but they feel like they are giving away too much control. Also, very traditional value girls also will do this. The issue is that they like you, but they dont know how to connect with their own desire.

This seems wise, and yet not so much. If a woman connects with her own desire, that is, wants sex, recognizes that she wants it, then the next step is to get it, but most women want this as part of a relationship. There's nothing wrong with this goal, but it does seem to skew male/female relationships in favor of the male. I don't think these women should trade sex for a relationship because the power balance will forever put them in a one-down position.

In the example above, the woman is signaling her vulnerability, and while she may think she's sending the message of a helpless female who needs to be saved, and "please to hurt me like everyone else has done," what she is really saying is, "take me and do what you want with me because I'm a doormat and don't deserve more."

Sheesh! I wouldn't want to fuck her, either. Too much responsibility.

The only issue for me would be whether the fellow was supplying good sex. It's up to me whether I want to see him again, not the other way around.

It seems that the sexual revolution is all topsy-turvy.

Girls are of course different, but from sudden last min LMR is always the worst. Pretty much you have two choices, fight through it and possibly add to the issues causing it, or walking away from all the work youve put in.

Girls want to call the shots in almost every relationship. I have yet to see a very passive girl in relationship, and one of the ways of getting control is sex. I had a collegue back when i was a teacher who dated a guy for 4 years, and never so much as kissed him. Ultimate AFC complex on his part, but the chick actually wasnt mature enough to handle a physical relationship. Time and time again i hear of shit like this.

Also note, women want a relationship, and also want sex. It is not always that those are the same person.