[punchboy]

Hey, guys any suggestion on my situation?

(I am looking for suggestions from somebody who is/has been in a situation similar to mine or who has substantiated knowledge on this, if you are going to speak just for the sake, spare me random thoughts).

So, here is a very long story short.

My father was verbally abusive. That had a major negative effect in my life as I grew up shy, with almost no self-confidence, afraid of failure, without social skills, and kind of socially awkward... When I was 21 he committed suicide. I found him. Since then I have realized I suffer from bipolar disorder as well.

So, yes: my life has been pretty messed up.

In the past 10 years, I have managed to put my life more in order. I meet many girls, more than many of my friends even though still way lower than I could. I approach a lot. I have gone out solo several times, and I managed to bring girls back home when doing it (I am good looking, so that helped). In particular, I have also become more self-confident, more independent.

However, deep inside I still have some major insecurities. My real problem comes generally when I meet a girl I really like (my current situation). When this happens, my signs of "betaness" tend to come up. Possibly worse, I easily get paranoid. A delay in replying to a text, a missed call, or whatever immediately triggers completely unwarranted reactions. If the delay is prolonged (let's say: 6-7 hours), that immediately puts me down (seriously down: like unable to do anything - if you know what depression is you get an idea).

If for some reason I expected a reply to a text (which maybe was not warranted) and that doesn't arrive, this possibly triggers suicidal thoughts as I start to see everything collapsing.

Here is my question: I have gone to a psychologist few years ago for one year. Instead of pushing me towards being stronger, more resolute, more independent, this did the opposite.

Last year I bought Bang, and I found it extremely useful especially for dealing with my insecurities. I also read another book (I cannot put a link as this is my first post on the forum) that amazon suggested to me when I bought bang - it's about stopping being a nice guy. That helped too.

The problem is that I am not sure I can deal with my insecurities (especially about a relationship) and with my depression by just reading Bang when I am downbeat (Bang for some reason makes me in better mood). But at the same time, I'd rather avoid going to a psychologist if that is going to bring back in me beta-attitude.

If you have been in a somewhat similar situation and I'd be happy to know what you think/did....

[Capitán Peligroso]

What medication are you taking for bipolar?

[punchboy]

I am not taking anything. Save for when I have relationship issues like the one described, through gym and other activities I manage the fluctuation of my mood is limited... (I know what this means, as far as I can, I'd like to stay away from medicines).

[RichieP]

Awesome that you're staying away from meds and going for the natural route. That's a big plus. Meds are a trap and a nightmare for alot of people, and can really fuck your brain permanently in some cases. Have you looked into the Paleo diet? People have reported good improvements with anxiety, depression and bi-polar once they cut out grains, excess carbs and really got serious about the good fats, protein and vegetables. It sounds like it's made life alot more smooth and manageable for many people.

In terms of therapy:

Check out the Hoffman Process for addressing childhood/parent issues. http://www.hoffmaninstitute.org. Check the videos there too for some idea of what it's like. I havent done it yet, but I really like the sound of it - one intensive week and you're done, and hopefully instead of years of weekly sessions.

Beyond that I really, really like the "Internal Family Systems" literature. It's not about families, but rather about the different "parts" of you and how everyone is really a system of sub-personalities - someone might have a defiant part, an anxious part, a procrastinating part, etc etc. For bi-polar or manic-depressive, they would look at it as two competing parts of you (or two groups of parts) that are in opposition, and fighting for "the driving seat". In the therapy you work with different parts of yourself, open up dialogues and negotiation between them, and help them heal their burdens.

A couple of books on it have blown my mind, given me an amazing understanding of myself and other people. It's the model of the psyche that makes the most sense IMO. Im working thru two of their workbooks (one each for a different issue) and I have to say they are finally giving me deep insight and some progress on stuff that I've been stuck with for years.

Check out http://www.selfleadership.org and http://www.personal-growth-programs.com. the book "Self Therapy" is the place to start.


P.S. you have a good point about Therapy being biased towards beta-tude. This is a pervasive problem in it. One thing I would say is there ARE some male therapists out there who are also pretty savvy when it comes to masculinity. People who value things like courage, persistence, meeting women, taking action, etc. Probably not as hardcore as Bang or the Manosphere, but there are guys who do therapy who are men who own their masculinity and "get it". I met the founder of the Hoffman process here in the UK on an info evening and he's pretty masculine and grounded, good boundaries and came across as a strong leader. He also talks about seeing his future wife on stage in a theater deciding she's the one for him then going backstage and approaching her after and making it happen - and now they're married.

I know at least one therapist who I've spoken with personally who does IFS who fits this description too, and also has a hot girlfriend. So there are strong guys in the field. I can PM you a couple of links if you want.

[punchboy]

Hey, thanks a lot for the long list of sources and info. Definitively, feel free to PM other links (I am actually in the US, so if I could find some therapist in my city would be really great).

Thanks a lot again.

[UgSlayer]

Therapy is a great tool to sort out past traumas. The hardest part is finding a good one who doesn't baby you and expects you to make changes to your life, not just talk about your problems and play the victim.

[Ringo]

(08-01-2012 03:22 AM)punchboy Wrote:  

I have gone to a psychologist few years ago for one year. Instead of pushing me towards being stronger, more resolute, more independent, this did the opposite.

I've been going to a psychologist/psychatrist since I was 5 (I'm 20 now). Even though I now go 3 or 4 times per year, I have had times when I visited him 4 times a month.

First, I'd keep in mind that there is a difference between psychologists and phsychiatrists (my therapist is actually studied medicine and psychology). The latter are physicians and can diagnose your medical conditions and prescribe psychiatric medication. If you go to one and he diagnoses you as bipolar, he is likely to give you medicine for it. Psychologists are not doctors, though some of them can prescribe a limited variety of medications. Their focus would be to, putting it in basic terms, help you help yourself. They'll support and guide you in your mind battle against your problems and neurosis.

If you choose to go with no pharmaceuticals, you should do some research in the existent schools of psychology (behaviorism, gestalt, psychoanalysis, and many others), as their methods are very different. Plus, each psychologist is obviously a different individual and sometimes you get along well with one and not so much with another one.

I'd advise you not to give up on therapy. Therapy is not suffering, it is supposed to help you improve yourself! Just make sure you find a therapist who you feel comfortable with and who you see yourself making progress with. They only way to do that is to experiment.

Lastly, I should add that this doctor who I've been visiting for the last 15 years works with homeopathy. I'm sure many people don't believe in it, but I've been witness of it helping me with many different issues, from skin rash to depression. Do your research and experiment!

[RichieP]

Quote:

Therapy is a great tool to sort out past traumas. The hardest part is finding a good one who doesn't baby you and expects you to make changes to your life, not just talk about your problems and play the victim.

^agreed. As far as I know, both IFS and Hoffman meet those criteria.. both emphasise real change, transformation etc and not just dwelling on your problems or in the past. I read a book of IFS case studies and people were fixing real deep shit (like bulimia, deep anxiety and relationship issues) in 20-25 sessions. Pretty promising.

Also speaking of trauma, another cool thing that can help some people is "Trauma Releasing Exercises" by David Berceli. They are all in his book on amazon. If you've ever had any kind of traumatic experience where you felt overwhelmed and physically "froze up", e.g. being mugged, physical or verbal abuse, being in a car crash, seeing violence or being in a warzone etc, these are magic. They are physical exercises you do to release the trauma "charge" from your body. You do the exercises and it literally shakes it out... sounds weird but its amazing. You gotta take it easy though and go slowly with them, they are pretty powerful.

[Giovonny]

Get professional help!

Yes, that is my answer. If your fear is paralyzing you and you can barely take action, that is what you need. You can figure it out on your own but that will take alot longer and wil have alot more ups and downs. A professional psychologist or therapist can help you identify your fears, their causes, and how to eliminate them. Those people do this everyday. This will kick start and accelerate your fear elimination process. Try different people and find one that you like. Once you get your fears identified and their roots, you can really get to work. I only did this for about a month when I was a teen but I wish I would have done it more.

I would compare it to getting into game. What would be better? Reading and studying on your own? Or, doing a bootcamp with Roosh?

The bootcamp with Roosh would probably be more helpful. Because he is A PROFESSIONAL!

Spend the money, take the time, get professional help!

Doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, counselors, life coaches, puas, etc.

Find the people who are experts at your situation!

Don't run and hide from your issues, face them head on and eliminate them!

[punchboy]

Thanks guys for the thoughts. I really appreciate it.