[Gyro]

I've been feeling overwhelming negative, anxious, and scared (pretty out of character for me) for this past week. I've been living in a delusional "fantasy" land the past few years and everything is starting to fall apart; real life is starting to settle in. Before I begin, I take full responsibility of my situation...this is no one's fault but my own.

I'm a senior in college and I've pretty much partied away the first four years with nothing to show for it ( I had autistic social skills coming into college and after 3 years of concentrated effort, I have a pretty strong personality now but at the expense of professional development), now I'm feeling the consequences of my actions. I really need some help right now so I'll post a bullet-point post on my background... This is no troll, this is my actual life situation:

--> I'm in my senior year, currently sitting around a 2.4 gpa in Biochem. No internships, no work experience. I JUST turned 22 and have not made a legal dollar yet (outside of donating bone marrow like once).

--> I go to a extremely good undergrad college (like top 10); so most of my friends are landing $90k/year software developer jobs right out of college, getting into high finance, or taking a gap year before medical school....this is really killing me to think about.......not the fact that they're doing well, but the fact that we were on equal playing fields just 3 years ago, and now..... we're not, and i'm left off even worse than some of my HS friends who everyone thought I shot above

--> My parents are not helping me after I graduate...the original deal was I get into medical school and they would pay for everything but this is no longer an option due to my GPA. They're cutting me off at the end of this semester (traditional middle eastern parents who don't give a fuck) so I'm going to have to take a loan to finish up. I've tried to talking to them but no dice. Family-wise, i am all alone now.

--> I don't know how to drive

--> I used to have an alcohol/cocaine problem (albeit this is solved; I still feel weak in some social situations in controlling myself)

--> Really only dated a couple times; i've only recently grown the balls to ask out girls. I've fucked one girl off tinder, and 10 hookers, so it's not like I have any pussy trophies to flash for my hard partying escapades.

--> Health-wise; my physique is still good but I fear I've definitely damaged some organs through cocaine, adderall, testosterone, and alcohol abuse

--> Friend-wise; I have tons right now but I feel like the number is going to dwindle down quick after next year

Some solutions I've undertaken:
--> cut off contact with my frat; I don't blame anyone but myself for my situation...but living in a fraternity is a toxic environment for 2 years (especially a bottom frat).

--> hang-out with nerds now; their motivation helps me study (even if I manage to only score one or two semesters of good grades)

--> cut out my coke/alcohol buddies....these guys' fantasy land college world is coming to an end as well

--> trying to cut out alcohol...... I really need to get off drugs and focus on building from ground zero. Coming into college, I thought alcohol and drugs were "cool" but the opposite is true

--> I scored a sweet business development internship for spring semester; this should help add something to my resume

--> I'm going to apply to summer internships for a R&D or sales position

I guess the goal is to probably work one or two years as an analytical chemist or pharm sales rep if I can score the job, then get an MBA and pivot into finance/equity research. Maybe I can try doing semester-to-semester night classes at a community college for GPA repair in case I decide to do a last minute pivot to med school.

I need some help/guidance on coming up with a way to deal with my situation...how can I push through this? I haven't felt this negative (sad) in a while and I need to find a way where I don't collapse or break down mentally... I haven't felt this alone in a while and I feel like I'm going to be even MORE alone come next semester.

I am for sure going to face "rock bottom" if I don't get my act together... I think the most important thing is to not give into drugs and alcohol.