Don't block it out, mate.
This is part of the burden of being a man. This is why we're emotionally-stronger than women. We're needed when the shit goes down.
The instinct is there to just want to make the pain go away or ignore the situation entirely but you need to experience the pain to learn to cope with it, and to healthily-process the death. It will hurt, but you are a man, and you are stronger than hurt. Stare down the hurt. You can choose to not let it break you.
You've correctly-identified the cause of your dread. As is often the case with depression, it's the feeling of having no control over the situation. Of course you can't control it - it's death - it's as natural a part of life as birth. Accept that it's pointless to think about trying to control it, and that it's no failing of yours to be unable to 'save' your loved one. It's. not. your. fault.
Take a few steps backwards, and realise the smaller, achievable tasks that can make this transitionary period easier for the family. These are things you can control. Embrace them. It might be as simple as organising doctors, washing sheets or cooking meals. Just spending some time with the dying talking with them helps - they need someone to listen. You have an opportunity now to experience a clarity of purpose in a way that truly matters, something few of us get to experience in modern life. Everything you do can truly count.
The coming ending is as natural a part of life as birth, and need not be feared. The more time you spend observing the process, the less frightening it becomes. I've been there at the moment of passing for multiple loved ones, and, every time, it was an honour. My sister and I even cleaned and prepared my mother after her passing - an utterly humbling experienced that bound the pair of us closer.
This will hurt, but hurt passes. The mental resilience you will build from this experience will deepen your masculinity in ways you won't yet understand, but women always sense. Look death in the eye, learn not to fear it, learn to accept that it will one day come for you, and you will possess gravitas, my friend.
Medication is not the answer, bar some kind of complete breakdown of function or a desire to self-harm. If you're struggling, I'd chose to talk to a trained grief counsellor, as they can help you understand what you are feeling is entirely-normal, and something everyone goes through.
As a strange bonus, you will soon discover who your true friends are.
Hold fast, CJ.
Welcome to Stage 2. What you're feeling is natural.
This is part of the burden of being a man. This is why we're emotionally-stronger than women. We're needed when the shit goes down.
The instinct is there to just want to make the pain go away or ignore the situation entirely but you need to experience the pain to learn to cope with it, and to healthily-process the death. It will hurt, but you are a man, and you are stronger than hurt. Stare down the hurt. You can choose to not let it break you.
You've correctly-identified the cause of your dread. As is often the case with depression, it's the feeling of having no control over the situation. Of course you can't control it - it's death - it's as natural a part of life as birth. Accept that it's pointless to think about trying to control it, and that it's no failing of yours to be unable to 'save' your loved one. It's. not. your. fault.
Take a few steps backwards, and realise the smaller, achievable tasks that can make this transitionary period easier for the family. These are things you can control. Embrace them. It might be as simple as organising doctors, washing sheets or cooking meals. Just spending some time with the dying talking with them helps - they need someone to listen. You have an opportunity now to experience a clarity of purpose in a way that truly matters, something few of us get to experience in modern life. Everything you do can truly count.
The coming ending is as natural a part of life as birth, and need not be feared. The more time you spend observing the process, the less frightening it becomes. I've been there at the moment of passing for multiple loved ones, and, every time, it was an honour. My sister and I even cleaned and prepared my mother after her passing - an utterly humbling experienced that bound the pair of us closer.
This will hurt, but hurt passes. The mental resilience you will build from this experience will deepen your masculinity in ways you won't yet understand, but women always sense. Look death in the eye, learn not to fear it, learn to accept that it will one day come for you, and you will possess gravitas, my friend.
Medication is not the answer, bar some kind of complete breakdown of function or a desire to self-harm. If you're struggling, I'd chose to talk to a trained grief counsellor, as they can help you understand what you are feeling is entirely-normal, and something everyone goes through.
As a strange bonus, you will soon discover who your true friends are.
Hold fast, CJ.
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its funny, because it's not ME burdening them, its the other way around, and yes it may seem cold but Fuck, I JUST got my life back together after making a stupid business mistake that I have been paying for for 2 years already. Just the thought of having to go back home right NOW of all times is really really hard.
Welcome to Stage 2. What you're feeling is natural.