Kai,
I'm not trying to defend Chinese men and their actions, but things would make a lot more sense if viewed through the prism of Confucianism, which is the philosophy at the heart of their culture. At the very core of Confucianism is the belief that everything is structured by hierarchies.
The King over his people.
The Teacher over the student.
The Father over the family.
The Man over the woman.
Knowing what I do now, I view Chinese men largely as victims of their own culture, rather than as uncultured or backwards misogynists. They've got a steep learning curve ahead of them and a horrible gender imbalance to deal with. Things are really going to suck for them in the coming decades. A few will be able to get something, either because they'll have money or because they'll adapt to the change. But most will end up having to shame their women into marrying (playing off their fears of becoming an old maid at the age of 25), humiliate them if they're with a foreigner (playing off their fears of becoming socially outcast), or use some other form of social pressure that derives from adherence to the Confucian philosophy.
You, as an American, are benefiting from this because the woman you married is also a product of this culture. The reason she treats you so well is because she has been trained to place the man above herself. It's Confucianism at its finest. It's why their men are the way they are, but it also explains the women too.
So while I've already repped you on what is an exhaustive and thorough data sheet that I will most definitely use as reference, I can't help but think that the things you like or dislike about the Chinese are just two sides of the same coin.
And also...the way Chinese women are now...I'm pretty sure it will change. Women in China may be like this for now...but give it 20, 30, 40 years and Chinese women will start behaving more and more like the Western women we are all trying to leave behind. As much as the Chinese government tries to control the flow of information, the people can still (quite easily) gain access to the latest Western movies, tv shows, and music where men aren't being misogynists or treating women like lower-class lifeforms. They've watched romantic comedies where *gasp* the man fucks up and he does everything he can to win the skeptical girl's affections back. Not at all like how Chinese men walk around thinking they own their women by birthright.
Because of business trips, I've spent quite a lot of time this past year in places like SZ, GZ, SH, BJ, and HK. I was amazed at how...American? Westernized? (not sure what's the right word here) a lot of Chinese girls were in the way they acted, thought, and talked.
My personal thoughts on China is: if you like Asian women and want to get in while the getting's good, there's no better time than now. I'm really not very bullish on the possibility that it will stay this way forever.
I'm not trying to defend Chinese men and their actions, but things would make a lot more sense if viewed through the prism of Confucianism, which is the philosophy at the heart of their culture. At the very core of Confucianism is the belief that everything is structured by hierarchies.
The King over his people.
The Teacher over the student.
The Father over the family.
The Man over the woman.
Knowing what I do now, I view Chinese men largely as victims of their own culture, rather than as uncultured or backwards misogynists. They've got a steep learning curve ahead of them and a horrible gender imbalance to deal with. Things are really going to suck for them in the coming decades. A few will be able to get something, either because they'll have money or because they'll adapt to the change. But most will end up having to shame their women into marrying (playing off their fears of becoming an old maid at the age of 25), humiliate them if they're with a foreigner (playing off their fears of becoming socially outcast), or use some other form of social pressure that derives from adherence to the Confucian philosophy.
You, as an American, are benefiting from this because the woman you married is also a product of this culture. The reason she treats you so well is because she has been trained to place the man above herself. It's Confucianism at its finest. It's why their men are the way they are, but it also explains the women too.
So while I've already repped you on what is an exhaustive and thorough data sheet that I will most definitely use as reference, I can't help but think that the things you like or dislike about the Chinese are just two sides of the same coin.
And also...the way Chinese women are now...I'm pretty sure it will change. Women in China may be like this for now...but give it 20, 30, 40 years and Chinese women will start behaving more and more like the Western women we are all trying to leave behind. As much as the Chinese government tries to control the flow of information, the people can still (quite easily) gain access to the latest Western movies, tv shows, and music where men aren't being misogynists or treating women like lower-class lifeforms. They've watched romantic comedies where *gasp* the man fucks up and he does everything he can to win the skeptical girl's affections back. Not at all like how Chinese men walk around thinking they own their women by birthright.
Because of business trips, I've spent quite a lot of time this past year in places like SZ, GZ, SH, BJ, and HK. I was amazed at how...American? Westernized? (not sure what's the right word here) a lot of Chinese girls were in the way they acted, thought, and talked.
My personal thoughts on China is: if you like Asian women and want to get in while the getting's good, there's no better time than now. I'm really not very bullish on the possibility that it will stay this way forever.