One of the main goals of this forum is to help men develop themselves by having them work out, dress well and approach women with a mind towards making them more confident and better able to interact with people. The observation has also been made by myself and other members that many girls can tell everything they need to know about a man in a few seconds. Women have told me that when they see men they feel a certain way about him, like their instincts have selected which men to date automatically. This seems to be analogous to a man being attracted to a woman from just a brief glance and being floored by her beauty and vivacity. Let us call this unspoken evaluation the “vibe”.
Much of the advice offered on this forum is focused on what to say in a particular situation. When telling your friend about a date you can tell him what was said, but you leave the most crucial part out most of the time, that is to say the vibe. How she said something and the emotions she was feeling at the time are more important that what was being said. Mindfulness is one habit that directly improves the vibe, that is to say the energy and emotion that is being transmitted by your body language and received by other people's perception. Think of a guy who comes off as really anxious or inhibited. The anxiety is palpable in this case. If it is this obvious to men it is going to be as perceptible as an air raid siren to women who are more attuned to this kind of thing. With enough mindfulness all your thoughts turn to positive ones. There is no anxiety, fear, neediness or any other psychological disorder that makes other people uncomfortable.
Mindfulness is a habit that when practiced directly trains your mind to be happier, more charismatic and confident. People who suffer bouts of anger, meltdowns, anxiety and other disturbances have seen them improve and eventually dissipate. Mindfulness is not easy at first. Most people will not have the discipline to consistently meditate every day. It is similar to exercising. At first your form is off and you are weak but eventually you improve and you grow strong and eventually enjoy your time at the gym.
Here is what you should do, step by step.
Step 1: The traditional advice developed over the last several thousand years is to be free of intoxicating substances and activities in order to be happiest and be able to have enough focus to effectively do mindfulness. It is hard in this culture because so much of our life is characterized by low or high grade addictions(sugar, porn, internet, cell phones, drugs, alcohol). In my experience the most widespread addiction in the younger cohort(under 30) is definitely pornography. My friends and I have quit porn over the last couple of years and most have gone through a withdrawal period and have seen more confidence and better results with woman afterwards(n=9). I estimate that over 50% of the population under 30 are addicted to porn, probably more like 90%.
Step 2: Sit cross legged with a pillow underneath your posterior, in the lotus position or in a chair or other position. Sit in a quiet room with as few noises as possible. Focus on the part of your nose where the breathe enters the nose. Breathe naturally. If you have trouble feeling this part of your body, breathe slightly forcefully for 10 breathes then return to the natural breathe. Do not be discouraged if your mind wanders and you catch yourself entertaining a thought. Gently shift your focus back to your nose. Do this for 10 total hours, 20 minutes per day.
Step 3. Shift your focus from your nose to the triangular area between the corners of your mouth and the top of your nose. Be mindful of all sensations in this area, perhaps a pulse or air currents. Do this for 10 total hours.
Step 4. Shift your focus to your upper lip and focus on any and all sensations that may arise there. Do this for total 10 hours.
Step 5. The actual vipassana(insight) technique requires a somewhat lengthy explanation. If there is interest I can try and dig up a recording. The previous steps are to prepare your mind to receive this technique.
If you start practicing at first you should feel relaxed after each session and your days should improve. From the people I have trained in this technique I have observed the following after the accumulation of total mindfulness time.
10 hours:
Noticable difference in moods, noticeably more confident, not afraid to say things as much.
30 hours:
Happy most of the time, some occasional bouts of anger that he had before
100 hours:
Drastic improvements in all relationships, happy vast majority of time, very laid back, almost never angry or anxious.
Doing it on your own consistently for this amount of time can be hard. The shortcut to this is to take a donation based Vipassana Meditation retreat. In the 10 day period there are over 100 hours of scheduled mindfulness time, although realistically you can expect to do 75-85. They are free to go to including free food, but they do accept donations once you have completed your 10 day course. This 10 days will be one of the most difficult things most people have done, but also the most rewarding. Try to make sure you can comfortably sit for 1 hour before attending, it may save some muscle soreness later.
Dhamma.org
Map of all Dhamma Locations
There are mindfulness center all over the world that offer the same standardized 10 day program.
After several hundred hours of mindfulness you should be quite a happy individual and quite charismatic. Being good with people is to a large extent about being fearless and offering them good companionship and pleasant conversation. Mindfulness, when practiced habitually, will make you a fun loving, emotionally stable, fearless, charismatic man. It is part of a pyramid of virtuous habits that will make your feel better than you ever have before. You must also avoid addicting activities/substances, eat real food and do the appropriate amount of exercise in order for you to be happy.
If I could go back and tell my 15 year old self what to do I would pull him out of school and have him do a mindfulness retreat and a daily mindfulness habit for a couple of months. This is that important. A hundred hours may seem like a long time but if you are anxious or depressed or have trouble relating to people you could feel miserable for 16 hours a day! Go, be mindful and come out of your misery and live a joyous, fulfilling life!
Much of the advice offered on this forum is focused on what to say in a particular situation. When telling your friend about a date you can tell him what was said, but you leave the most crucial part out most of the time, that is to say the vibe. How she said something and the emotions she was feeling at the time are more important that what was being said. Mindfulness is one habit that directly improves the vibe, that is to say the energy and emotion that is being transmitted by your body language and received by other people's perception. Think of a guy who comes off as really anxious or inhibited. The anxiety is palpable in this case. If it is this obvious to men it is going to be as perceptible as an air raid siren to women who are more attuned to this kind of thing. With enough mindfulness all your thoughts turn to positive ones. There is no anxiety, fear, neediness or any other psychological disorder that makes other people uncomfortable.
Mindfulness is a habit that when practiced directly trains your mind to be happier, more charismatic and confident. People who suffer bouts of anger, meltdowns, anxiety and other disturbances have seen them improve and eventually dissipate. Mindfulness is not easy at first. Most people will not have the discipline to consistently meditate every day. It is similar to exercising. At first your form is off and you are weak but eventually you improve and you grow strong and eventually enjoy your time at the gym.
Here is what you should do, step by step.
Step 1: The traditional advice developed over the last several thousand years is to be free of intoxicating substances and activities in order to be happiest and be able to have enough focus to effectively do mindfulness. It is hard in this culture because so much of our life is characterized by low or high grade addictions(sugar, porn, internet, cell phones, drugs, alcohol). In my experience the most widespread addiction in the younger cohort(under 30) is definitely pornography. My friends and I have quit porn over the last couple of years and most have gone through a withdrawal period and have seen more confidence and better results with woman afterwards(n=9). I estimate that over 50% of the population under 30 are addicted to porn, probably more like 90%.
Step 2: Sit cross legged with a pillow underneath your posterior, in the lotus position or in a chair or other position. Sit in a quiet room with as few noises as possible. Focus on the part of your nose where the breathe enters the nose. Breathe naturally. If you have trouble feeling this part of your body, breathe slightly forcefully for 10 breathes then return to the natural breathe. Do not be discouraged if your mind wanders and you catch yourself entertaining a thought. Gently shift your focus back to your nose. Do this for 10 total hours, 20 minutes per day.
Step 3. Shift your focus from your nose to the triangular area between the corners of your mouth and the top of your nose. Be mindful of all sensations in this area, perhaps a pulse or air currents. Do this for 10 total hours.
Step 4. Shift your focus to your upper lip and focus on any and all sensations that may arise there. Do this for total 10 hours.
Step 5. The actual vipassana(insight) technique requires a somewhat lengthy explanation. If there is interest I can try and dig up a recording. The previous steps are to prepare your mind to receive this technique.
If you start practicing at first you should feel relaxed after each session and your days should improve. From the people I have trained in this technique I have observed the following after the accumulation of total mindfulness time.
10 hours:
Noticable difference in moods, noticeably more confident, not afraid to say things as much.
30 hours:
Happy most of the time, some occasional bouts of anger that he had before
100 hours:
Drastic improvements in all relationships, happy vast majority of time, very laid back, almost never angry or anxious.
Doing it on your own consistently for this amount of time can be hard. The shortcut to this is to take a donation based Vipassana Meditation retreat. In the 10 day period there are over 100 hours of scheduled mindfulness time, although realistically you can expect to do 75-85. They are free to go to including free food, but they do accept donations once you have completed your 10 day course. This 10 days will be one of the most difficult things most people have done, but also the most rewarding. Try to make sure you can comfortably sit for 1 hour before attending, it may save some muscle soreness later.
Dhamma.org
Map of all Dhamma Locations
There are mindfulness center all over the world that offer the same standardized 10 day program.
After several hundred hours of mindfulness you should be quite a happy individual and quite charismatic. Being good with people is to a large extent about being fearless and offering them good companionship and pleasant conversation. Mindfulness, when practiced habitually, will make you a fun loving, emotionally stable, fearless, charismatic man. It is part of a pyramid of virtuous habits that will make your feel better than you ever have before. You must also avoid addicting activities/substances, eat real food and do the appropriate amount of exercise in order for you to be happy.
If I could go back and tell my 15 year old self what to do I would pull him out of school and have him do a mindfulness retreat and a daily mindfulness habit for a couple of months. This is that important. A hundred hours may seem like a long time but if you are anxious or depressed or have trouble relating to people you could feel miserable for 16 hours a day! Go, be mindful and come out of your misery and live a joyous, fulfilling life!