Well it's taken a long time,a lot longer then I ever thought it would but finally the never ending search is over. For years I have been asking myself the question; where does my future lie? I joined this forum in large part to find that answer,to get opinions on different locations. The problem was that in reality this place and the reams of information confused me more then anything. I'd read a report about Poland and think that I had to go check it out,then I'd read about someone having a great time in Lviv and decide that I had to investigate if that should be my next destination. And on and on and on it went...Too much choice can be a paralysing thing.
I have known intrinsically and instinctively from a young age that I am not and never could be absolutely happy in my own country. Since the age of 18 when I took my first solo trip I have tried to be out of my own country as much as possible. It has without a doubt held me back in life in terms of relationships and financial/career. It's impossible to commit to anything or anyone when you have this constant feeling of impermanence in your own country. Why try to push for promotion when you know it's only a matter of time before you jack the job in to go exploring for your Arcadia again? Of course whilst the search has been bad for my career or finances it has been great for my life experiences. The search has taken me to long stints in fascinating countries and shorter explorations to a whole host of fascinating places. Experiences I would never swap for anything but ultimately my search proved fruitless. Sometimes I tried to force the issue,convincing myself that a certain place was right for me,that I loved it there and was content but the reality was I was not being 100% honest with myself. I was trying to convince myself in large part because it would have been an easy move or maybe a cheap one. But that lack of honesty always meant that eventually the same question would come back to the fore.
Anyway sometimes it's not the place but you. Visit a place at 18 and it might be perfect in every way,but do so at 30 and it might be a whole different kettle of fish and vice versa. You need the stars to align somewhat. Well the stars did align for me on a recent trip to Russia. Everything I had done in my life,everything that had shaped me in some way came together on this trip to mean that finally myself and Russia,or should I say it's people,just clicked,completely and utterly in a way they never have done before. It felt so easy and comfortable. You know how it is when you are out on the town and in the zone,when you can do no wrong no matter what you do or say,well that was my week in Russia. It all came together for me with the people I met,I've never experienced anything like it before anywhere. I just found that I had 'the vibe' and people responded to me in the most positive way imaginable and for the first time ever I knew this was it. I remember the moment I realised that the search was over. I had an hour to kill before meeting a friend and I sat on a bench outside of Chisty Prudy metro station. The sky was perfectly blue,women were walking past in their fur coats, and I just knew at that moment that there was nowhere else I would rather be than right there in that city,in that country. I had never felt so content. Russia,a place that has been staring me from afar for all my adult life finally revealed herself to me.
So many things happened on that trip that if I chose to interpret them a certain way could be seen to be a test,a final set of cosmic kicks and punches to see if I was really ready for it,if I had the steel required for the place,if I wanted it badly enough. If I overcame those tests I would unlock the gates to the kingdom much like in ancient times when the student would sit outside his masters house for weeks hoping to prove his worth. I passed those tests and proved to myself as much as anyone that I could tame Russia to my own will and so on a cold February day whilst sitting on that bench at Chisty Prudy I was finally allowed in.
This is not the end of my story but merely the beginning. The hard work begins now. I have to throw myself into the challenge of mastering the language,of finding a way to make a living there,of deciding which city to live in,of negotiating the Byzantine red tape. However for the first time ever I won't be doing so with the constant nagging self doubt about whether it's what I really want to do or if it's where I really want to be. I am now unshakable in my belief that I have found the place I was always destined to be when the time was right. That time has come. Roosh made a video post recently that struck a cord with me. It was about finding your place and then holding onto it for as long as possible,riding the highs until they,possibly,one day run out. In 1993 I discovered Russia,loved it,knew we were connected but then made the biggest regret of my life by heading to India for four years. This time I won't make the same mistake. I'm going shit or bust on Russia. And I can't tell you what a relief it is to have a clear vision of my future. No more confusion or wondering if I should go to Minsk or Kiev,Krakow or Tbilisi. I don't care if I read a report about someone killing it in Tirana or Timbuktu,I've found my place.
Something else I discovered was that I had a great time in Moscow,I won't share my experiences just now but needless to say it flew in the face of my predictions about big cities versus second tier. The big cities are where it's at. Moscow,Peter,Novosibirsk,Krasnoyarsk,Ekaterinburg....These places will hold everything,and more,for me.
A large reason for this post is because I want to thank some of the FSU posters on here who have shared knowledge that I have imbibed,much of it subconsciously,and that has helped me finally click with the people there in a way I never have with any other race,even my own,in fact,especially my own. Whilst I might not agree with everything these posters have written they have non the less taught me a lot about Slavic culture that has been very helpful. Any such list will always have glaring omissions of people I have momentarily forgotten and names will no doubt spring to mind as soon as this is posted but as I write, these names stand out for me in no particular order: Roosh for the 'Industrial Shit Hole' thread,Entropy 4 for the St.Pete sheet,Hooligan Harry for his constant insights throughout the FSU debates,K-Man for his opinions on Russian girls and their behaviour on holiday,Greek Kamaki for his constant good work and insightful opinions on locations,BigAlexBoss for his honest reports of his successes and failures,Lost Gringo for his Georgia work,Iknowexactly for his work in Lviv,Temujin for his 'insights from 11 years abroad' thread and other work and Partizan for the E'burg thread and our Skype chats. Also,I know he was banned but I have to shout out Wolverine. Everything he broke down to me in Kiev and by PM was proved 100% correct when I hit Russia. Although I can't repay you guys I hope that some of my work on here has maybe added a little bit to your knowledge and will prove useful at some point in the future.
There is not much more to add really. I think we are all searching for our place and the fun is in searching as much as anything,to have found it too early would have meant missing out on some of my most informative experiences. As I said,now the hard work begins. My life from now on shall be inexorably linked to Russia in some way. It's exciting to not know how exactly. I can see a thousand paths leading off into the forest and I have no idea which one I shall end up following. I have the feeling it's going to be a crazy ride!
Vorkuta
I have known intrinsically and instinctively from a young age that I am not and never could be absolutely happy in my own country. Since the age of 18 when I took my first solo trip I have tried to be out of my own country as much as possible. It has without a doubt held me back in life in terms of relationships and financial/career. It's impossible to commit to anything or anyone when you have this constant feeling of impermanence in your own country. Why try to push for promotion when you know it's only a matter of time before you jack the job in to go exploring for your Arcadia again? Of course whilst the search has been bad for my career or finances it has been great for my life experiences. The search has taken me to long stints in fascinating countries and shorter explorations to a whole host of fascinating places. Experiences I would never swap for anything but ultimately my search proved fruitless. Sometimes I tried to force the issue,convincing myself that a certain place was right for me,that I loved it there and was content but the reality was I was not being 100% honest with myself. I was trying to convince myself in large part because it would have been an easy move or maybe a cheap one. But that lack of honesty always meant that eventually the same question would come back to the fore.
Anyway sometimes it's not the place but you. Visit a place at 18 and it might be perfect in every way,but do so at 30 and it might be a whole different kettle of fish and vice versa. You need the stars to align somewhat. Well the stars did align for me on a recent trip to Russia. Everything I had done in my life,everything that had shaped me in some way came together on this trip to mean that finally myself and Russia,or should I say it's people,just clicked,completely and utterly in a way they never have done before. It felt so easy and comfortable. You know how it is when you are out on the town and in the zone,when you can do no wrong no matter what you do or say,well that was my week in Russia. It all came together for me with the people I met,I've never experienced anything like it before anywhere. I just found that I had 'the vibe' and people responded to me in the most positive way imaginable and for the first time ever I knew this was it. I remember the moment I realised that the search was over. I had an hour to kill before meeting a friend and I sat on a bench outside of Chisty Prudy metro station. The sky was perfectly blue,women were walking past in their fur coats, and I just knew at that moment that there was nowhere else I would rather be than right there in that city,in that country. I had never felt so content. Russia,a place that has been staring me from afar for all my adult life finally revealed herself to me.
So many things happened on that trip that if I chose to interpret them a certain way could be seen to be a test,a final set of cosmic kicks and punches to see if I was really ready for it,if I had the steel required for the place,if I wanted it badly enough. If I overcame those tests I would unlock the gates to the kingdom much like in ancient times when the student would sit outside his masters house for weeks hoping to prove his worth. I passed those tests and proved to myself as much as anyone that I could tame Russia to my own will and so on a cold February day whilst sitting on that bench at Chisty Prudy I was finally allowed in.
This is not the end of my story but merely the beginning. The hard work begins now. I have to throw myself into the challenge of mastering the language,of finding a way to make a living there,of deciding which city to live in,of negotiating the Byzantine red tape. However for the first time ever I won't be doing so with the constant nagging self doubt about whether it's what I really want to do or if it's where I really want to be. I am now unshakable in my belief that I have found the place I was always destined to be when the time was right. That time has come. Roosh made a video post recently that struck a cord with me. It was about finding your place and then holding onto it for as long as possible,riding the highs until they,possibly,one day run out. In 1993 I discovered Russia,loved it,knew we were connected but then made the biggest regret of my life by heading to India for four years. This time I won't make the same mistake. I'm going shit or bust on Russia. And I can't tell you what a relief it is to have a clear vision of my future. No more confusion or wondering if I should go to Minsk or Kiev,Krakow or Tbilisi. I don't care if I read a report about someone killing it in Tirana or Timbuktu,I've found my place.
Something else I discovered was that I had a great time in Moscow,I won't share my experiences just now but needless to say it flew in the face of my predictions about big cities versus second tier. The big cities are where it's at. Moscow,Peter,Novosibirsk,Krasnoyarsk,Ekaterinburg....These places will hold everything,and more,for me.
A large reason for this post is because I want to thank some of the FSU posters on here who have shared knowledge that I have imbibed,much of it subconsciously,and that has helped me finally click with the people there in a way I never have with any other race,even my own,in fact,especially my own. Whilst I might not agree with everything these posters have written they have non the less taught me a lot about Slavic culture that has been very helpful. Any such list will always have glaring omissions of people I have momentarily forgotten and names will no doubt spring to mind as soon as this is posted but as I write, these names stand out for me in no particular order: Roosh for the 'Industrial Shit Hole' thread,Entropy 4 for the St.Pete sheet,Hooligan Harry for his constant insights throughout the FSU debates,K-Man for his opinions on Russian girls and their behaviour on holiday,Greek Kamaki for his constant good work and insightful opinions on locations,BigAlexBoss for his honest reports of his successes and failures,Lost Gringo for his Georgia work,Iknowexactly for his work in Lviv,Temujin for his 'insights from 11 years abroad' thread and other work and Partizan for the E'burg thread and our Skype chats. Also,I know he was banned but I have to shout out Wolverine. Everything he broke down to me in Kiev and by PM was proved 100% correct when I hit Russia. Although I can't repay you guys I hope that some of my work on here has maybe added a little bit to your knowledge and will prove useful at some point in the future.
There is not much more to add really. I think we are all searching for our place and the fun is in searching as much as anything,to have found it too early would have meant missing out on some of my most informative experiences. As I said,now the hard work begins. My life from now on shall be inexorably linked to Russia in some way. It's exciting to not know how exactly. I can see a thousand paths leading off into the forest and I have no idea which one I shall end up following. I have the feeling it's going to be a crazy ride!
Vorkuta