So I've had some rather large realizations about my life in the past few months and im struggling to fully grasp hold of them and use them to make me a better person. At 25 i'd never had a real continuous relationship of any substance sexually and emotionally up until 4 months ago when i got my first girlfriend. Im not a bad looking guy but id had sex less then 10 times before meeting this chick and ive had self confidence issues for as long as i can remember. My relationships with women have always been beta and i know that im clingy, needy and dependent when i do connect with a woman. I'm picky looks wise as i keep myself in good shape and im sure this isnt helping the cause but im just not at all excited by women i dont find attractive.
I had alot of drug dependence issues when i was younger and i feel like im unable to feel uninhibited and natural around women unless im on something so i just stopped going out and socializing outside of my circle which only contains guys to try and stem the flow of abuse i was doing to my body and mind.
So to cut a long story short this girl broke up with me. Its really rocked me and im struggling to process it all. Not just losing the comfort she gave me but the reasons why im so upset by it. Its made me aware of how broken as a person i truly am. I realise ive always run away from my problems and covered them up either through drugs or even doing the things i thought i loved. I lost my dad when i was 18 and even though i wasnt close i dont think i ever really dealt with it. I responded the only way i knew how and moved away to surf and smoke weed for 3 years before losing my job and having to move back to my home town to start again.
Im 6 months away from completing my trade and ive got travel planned for next year but im not sure if this is just me running away from my problems again.
I can see that the relationship i had with this girl was based on my fear of rejection and loneliness but i feel so shit right now that i know if she came back id take her back and thats what scares me.
How do i swallow this pill? How do i find that happiness within myself? I was making progress the last week i was sure i was looking forward to meeting people to getting on with my life there was moments in that last week i felt almost euphoric with the oppurtunitys i know i have. That is up untill she messaged me the other morning and it broke apart that belief and all the same insecurities came rushing back.
I don't want to be unhappy any longer but i dont know where to start. Im reading everywhere to do the stuff that makes me happy but how do i know i wasn't just doing that stuff to compensate in the first place.
Any advice greatly appreciated. Cheers
I had alot of drug dependence issues when i was younger and i feel like im unable to feel uninhibited and natural around women unless im on something so i just stopped going out and socializing outside of my circle which only contains guys to try and stem the flow of abuse i was doing to my body and mind.
So to cut a long story short this girl broke up with me. Its really rocked me and im struggling to process it all. Not just losing the comfort she gave me but the reasons why im so upset by it. Its made me aware of how broken as a person i truly am. I realise ive always run away from my problems and covered them up either through drugs or even doing the things i thought i loved. I lost my dad when i was 18 and even though i wasnt close i dont think i ever really dealt with it. I responded the only way i knew how and moved away to surf and smoke weed for 3 years before losing my job and having to move back to my home town to start again.
Im 6 months away from completing my trade and ive got travel planned for next year but im not sure if this is just me running away from my problems again.
I can see that the relationship i had with this girl was based on my fear of rejection and loneliness but i feel so shit right now that i know if she came back id take her back and thats what scares me.
How do i swallow this pill? How do i find that happiness within myself? I was making progress the last week i was sure i was looking forward to meeting people to getting on with my life there was moments in that last week i felt almost euphoric with the oppurtunitys i know i have. That is up untill she messaged me the other morning and it broke apart that belief and all the same insecurities came rushing back.
I don't want to be unhappy any longer but i dont know where to start. Im reading everywhere to do the stuff that makes me happy but how do i know i wasn't just doing that stuff to compensate in the first place.
Any advice greatly appreciated. Cheers