[rpg]

(08-13-2014 12:58 PM)BeHoldMyCock Wrote:  

(08-13-2014 11:32 AM)RockHard Wrote:  

You are not over this chick. For some inexplicable reason, you feel like you owe her something. What's that about?

In the beginning I had trust issues due to the prior relationship...but also because she was very secretive, kept close contact w her ex at that time and also some guy at her job. I tried to bail early on understanding that maybe I just wasn't ready to go into another relationship just yet. But she wailed. And it influenced me to stay....later when phone records were found I saw heavy communication between those two guys and her....and I did become abusive(verbally). Instead of leaving she waited for me to control it while swearing there was nothing going on. Eventually I did regain my composure. And I guess I still blame myself for maybe incurring her into a depression altho I spent a large time trying to take her out of it....but most of the times when she was definitely out of it is when her true personality would kick in...and super happy her also became super argue her. Also my aggressive tendencies seemed to bleed off into her and even now with her breaking things and such shows itself. I blame myself for those aspects....In hindsight not to try to defend myself or weave out of my very possible responsibilities....there WAS possibly something going on, on her side. And I lost my self control...she took the brunt of it...possibly for herself and the one before her. But I didnt want her to...which is why I tried to bail early on. Like someone said fear of alone was probably there. But I have swung in the past alone w no problems and do FULLY AGREE alone is far better than shitty relationship. I guess she was my rebound and stupidly I did not see myself through back to being happy alone.

She many times hung over my head how she "saw me through" my "phase"....until recently where it reached my concious mind what she was doing. And I started to respond to her fully that I had paid her back with my time as well as enduring her stupidity and how I helped her mature(some) from her rather ignorant ways towards men. At which point somewhere she did stop repeating it to me....we did have peace for maybe a year or less...but it became detached like and keep your mouth closed or else fear the in circle arguements we could have. I started to have nightmares about a future plus size her and 2 kids torn between her idealogies and my own. And getting caught adulterizing, slapped divorced, and fucked. The more quiet, less talk I became...the happier she was....meanwhile my cock? who what where? If I didnt come for a fix forget about it. And many times grumbling and complaining...her fukn period was every 3 weeks no exaggeration. I started thinking every now and then that even tho i am older Im just not ready to lose lust altogether or to say hoo ha lets get married even tho you still act immature and dont think.

Im ready ....bring it...im the sadist she claims me to be. ? Im not going to bother explaining what put me in a paranoid of LIES state from the cunt before her. Just suffice it to say there were real reasons...but I do realize they were not this ones direct problem. I suppose my biggest mistake was not forcing the solo time to compose myself. I feel I should have succeeded maybe because this one did in seeing me thru my patch...I needed to see her through hers....but you see mine was just that just a patch. Her issues are much more long term'd and ingrained. Did I pay my debt? Or did I never really owe one as what I found while not hard evidence was circumstancial enuff? Sadist? or mindfucked?

Just get it together and go find a chick at a club/bar. Nothing gets you over the last one like the next one.