Quote: (08-06-2014 05:16 PM)BlurredSevens Wrote:
My rules for best man speeches, after having observed hundreds of terrible ones:
1. Don't try to be funny, witty, or sarcastic, unless you have experience in stand-up comedy. On the day of the wedding you'll be nervous, drunk, horny, emotional, or a combo of the four. 95% of jokes bomb because of this. If you've never made a crowd of people laugh before, this isn't the time to try.
2. Thank and compliment the parents and grandparents; seeing their children get married is a huge honor for them, and the whole point of a wedding is to make the parents feel good. The bride has enough attention and complimenting her looks is corny and lame. The Maid of Honor will already be doing this anyway.
3. Briefly thank the staff (band, wedding planner, officiant, photographer, chef, waiters, etc.) It shows humility and they'll treat you well for the rest of the day, simply because no one else ever thanks these people.
4. Talk about why the couple is great together, and be genuine. People seem to enjoy this because chances are they only know the bride and groom separately, and not as a couple. You are in a unique position to speak about them as a couple.
5. Don't tell stories from when your friend was a bachelor. No matter how great/fun/crazy your memories are with him, people will have a hard time relating, and they'll tune you out.
6. Finish with a toast and genuine well wishes: "you're a great friend, Joe, and I know you and Jane will be a great couple that makes a truly positive impact on the world. I'd like to raise a toast, and to wish you both a happy, healthy life together. Cheers!"
7. Remember that no one is really listening anyway. People came for the free food, booze, and chance to bang a bridesmaid. The only thing in the way of them and their goals is you and your speech.
Overall: the perfect wedding toast is one where a person talks for 3-5 minutes and doesn't say anything stupid. This is harder than it sounds, so the best strategy is to just keep it simple, classy and traditional.
Thanks! Great advice. I'll tone down the attempts at humor.