If your goal is sex, get a lot of pre-date phone time in -- preferably late at night -- and if the woman gets heavily sexual that's your ticket. In other words, build pre-meeting rapport. When this is the case with me, I don't even schedule dates. Sometimes in the throes of dirty talk it'll be like "Let's just meet now!"
If you goal is a new relationship, casual or serious, read on.
The problem might be some of the women who get on these sites. I've noticed a lot of them fall into two categories. They're either serial daters or women who are skittish about men in general.
First, the serial daters. There is a subset of women on OKC and POF who get on there are stay on there for years, it seems. I think they just like to meet different men and go on dates (and not have to pay for dinner).
Make sure you're not meeting this group of women, but I'm not sure how exactly you'd do that unless you've been lurking on dating sites for years. Maybe put their profile in the Wayback Machine at Archive.org and see how long it's been up?
Second, some women are on OKC and POF because they have problems warming to men in the real world. By being too forward you push them away. For these women, meeting someone online takes time and they're in the mindset that it's going to be a "process."
I know all the PUA books say to go for the kiss, but I've found this works a lot better when you know the girl IRL (from school or work, for instance) and there was some pre-date rapport and sexual tension building. It also works when you meet a woman at a bar and she's there because she's down for action.
But if you try to kiss-close with this type of woman you met online, it often comes off like you're too needy, desperate or pushy, and they go running. Guys who are too forward can and do scare women off, no matter what the PUA literature says. You need to calibrate to the woman and the mood that the two of you build. Women like to be led, not pushed.
If there is a nice vibe building, sure, go for a kiss. But if the mood seems chilly but you get the feeling something could transpire in the future, I'd recommend deliberately not doing it. Because not going for a kiss can actually bring out insecurities in the woman, and if she likes you, she'll make damn sure to show it on the second date.*
Not all rewards are instant in life. And by being too intense and forward, you can actually break sexual tension, not create it. Think of the game we played with paper clips and magnets as kids. If you moved the magnet too quickly, you'd push the clips away. But move in slowly and you'd attract them. Sometimes dates are like this.
TL; DR. I'll sum it up with a "That '70s Show" reference. Sometimes with online dating, it's best to take on the persona of Hyde, not Eric.
* This is how I ended up with my ex-wife, for what it's worth. At the time, I was 25 and dead broke. She was sought after by men almost twice my age with lots of money. I piqued her interest by showing no interest on our date. She later said something like "Every guy I dated was all over me...and it was like I could predict what they wanted to do. But I kept thinking all the next week after you didn't even try on our first date what WAS it with you?" Hahahahaha. Unpredictability wins sometimes.
If you goal is a new relationship, casual or serious, read on.
The problem might be some of the women who get on these sites. I've noticed a lot of them fall into two categories. They're either serial daters or women who are skittish about men in general.
First, the serial daters. There is a subset of women on OKC and POF who get on there are stay on there for years, it seems. I think they just like to meet different men and go on dates (and not have to pay for dinner).
Make sure you're not meeting this group of women, but I'm not sure how exactly you'd do that unless you've been lurking on dating sites for years. Maybe put their profile in the Wayback Machine at Archive.org and see how long it's been up?
Second, some women are on OKC and POF because they have problems warming to men in the real world. By being too forward you push them away. For these women, meeting someone online takes time and they're in the mindset that it's going to be a "process."
I know all the PUA books say to go for the kiss, but I've found this works a lot better when you know the girl IRL (from school or work, for instance) and there was some pre-date rapport and sexual tension building. It also works when you meet a woman at a bar and she's there because she's down for action.
But if you try to kiss-close with this type of woman you met online, it often comes off like you're too needy, desperate or pushy, and they go running. Guys who are too forward can and do scare women off, no matter what the PUA literature says. You need to calibrate to the woman and the mood that the two of you build. Women like to be led, not pushed.
If there is a nice vibe building, sure, go for a kiss. But if the mood seems chilly but you get the feeling something could transpire in the future, I'd recommend deliberately not doing it. Because not going for a kiss can actually bring out insecurities in the woman, and if she likes you, she'll make damn sure to show it on the second date.*
Not all rewards are instant in life. And by being too intense and forward, you can actually break sexual tension, not create it. Think of the game we played with paper clips and magnets as kids. If you moved the magnet too quickly, you'd push the clips away. But move in slowly and you'd attract them. Sometimes dates are like this.
TL; DR. I'll sum it up with a "That '70s Show" reference. Sometimes with online dating, it's best to take on the persona of Hyde, not Eric.
* This is how I ended up with my ex-wife, for what it's worth. At the time, I was 25 and dead broke. She was sought after by men almost twice my age with lots of money. I piqued her interest by showing no interest on our date. She later said something like "Every guy I dated was all over me...and it was like I could predict what they wanted to do. But I kept thinking all the next week after you didn't even try on our first date what WAS it with you?" Hahahahaha. Unpredictability wins sometimes.