Quote: (06-13-2011 11:16 AM)Riker Wrote:
Quote: (06-12-2011 02:34 PM)Athlone McGinnis Wrote:
Quote: (06-12-2011 11:04 AM)Riker Wrote:
Wait, what? That's terrible, not making them feel good because they'll realize they have better options! hehe, I think you have to believe you are the best option for the girl, and not let her feel she's not that good so she better settle for you.
So you think it is terrible for a guy to realize that he shouldn't be pumping up a woman's ego and making an effort to boost her self esteem? Really?
That's just pathetic. This is rule number one when it comes to women, especially American women-do not pump up their egos. Do not be a "nice guy". It doesn't mean cuss her out every chance you get. It means never pumping her up.
Treat her like you would any male friend, or maybe your kid sister. It is not your job to make her feel beautiful and worthy-she has a ton of friends, family and the media to do that for her.
As for your solution, which if I'm not mistaken is "believe that you are the best option for her", that advice is about as valuable as "just be yourself". Plenty of beta male orbiters sincerely believe they are the best option for the girls they put on a pedestal.
Self delusion is not a solution.
I agree with what your saying just not the way you said it. It just seems like you're somehow tricking a girl into being with you when she could have had a much happier life with one of her "better options." And if the poor girls mama didn't give her self esteem you could help, I mean you probably don't want to be with someone with no self esteem anyways. But I guess I'm naive cause I'm talking about the healthy kind, where you love yourself and it doesn't make you look down on others. I guess we're talking here about the perversion of self esteem where its actually another form of insecurity where people will look down on others and treat them badly.
Well, if I honestly believed that my ex's were going to be better off with somoene else, I more than likely, after licking my wounds, wouldn't blame them for 'trading up.' However, I think most of the guys on here who have mentioned the loss of a girl don't reall believe that they've moved on to something better. They feel their girl left them over superficia nonsense, or didn't have even the common will power to work thru problems that come up and exist in ALL relationships, even the new relationships that they're getting into. I can say for a fact that nearly none of the girls I've dated went on to a 'better deal', because no more than 2-3 months after breaking up with them, I start getting the unnecessary phone calls and text messages out of nowhere! I had one girl who I've ignored all contact with and have told never to speak to me again, text me to let me know Osama Bin Ladin had been killed! If you're happy with your new man, no need to text me anything! Needless to say, I again didn't respond. I'm sure other guys on here have gone thru the same thing. Many women are unhappy with themselves, but they take it out on their men. They use their men as scape goats you could say. There's no need to further exacerbate the problem by artificially pumping their heads up. Occassionally, when she's getting dressed up to go out, and you see she's really put some time into how she's looking, it's fine to compliment. Even then not too much. But just to routinely tell her how beautiful she is, even when she's just woken up is a bad habit to start with all but the most level headed of women!