I am sorry this post did not get more comments; I wish I'd used a question mark in the title, as this isn't me saying I have the last word on the subject but more just attempting a synthesis of a mindset that doesn't come easily for me.
It's occurred to me since I wrote it that it might boil down even further to: the essence of alpha is being able to make and keep commitments to others and yourself.
Give me the ball when the clock is ticking down: I promise I'll give it my all.
Borrowing money from a friend: you can trust my commitment to pay you back, because I trust my own commitment.
Approaching a girl: I am committing to myself, and to her, that I can back this up, sexually and otherwise.
Getting in a physical confrontation or fight: Is it the other guy you are afraid of? Or are you unable to commit to yourself that you won't break, that even if you lose you can deal with the consequences?
Personally I have always found it hard to make commitments. Breaking a commitment to myself seems like the ultimate letdown, so I just avoid doing it. And, strangely, one thing that inhibits my ability to be social and outgoing is a sense of "What are they going to want from me? What if I can't supply it?" It's as if just starting a conversation is a commitment of some kind.
Maybe liking and feeling comfortable with yourself is not a matter of thinking that you are awesome. Maybe it is just a matter of being able to trust your own word. How much can you dislike yourself if you are able to say, "I will do X," and know in your heart that you are at least going to try to do it with the best of your ability? And if you can't rely on yourself to that basic degree, how can you come across as strong to other people?
It's occurred to me since I wrote it that it might boil down even further to: the essence of alpha is being able to make and keep commitments to others and yourself.
Give me the ball when the clock is ticking down: I promise I'll give it my all.
Borrowing money from a friend: you can trust my commitment to pay you back, because I trust my own commitment.
Approaching a girl: I am committing to myself, and to her, that I can back this up, sexually and otherwise.
Getting in a physical confrontation or fight: Is it the other guy you are afraid of? Or are you unable to commit to yourself that you won't break, that even if you lose you can deal with the consequences?
Personally I have always found it hard to make commitments. Breaking a commitment to myself seems like the ultimate letdown, so I just avoid doing it. And, strangely, one thing that inhibits my ability to be social and outgoing is a sense of "What are they going to want from me? What if I can't supply it?" It's as if just starting a conversation is a commitment of some kind.
Maybe liking and feeling comfortable with yourself is not a matter of thinking that you are awesome. Maybe it is just a matter of being able to trust your own word. How much can you dislike yourself if you are able to say, "I will do X," and know in your heart that you are at least going to try to do it with the best of your ability? And if you can't rely on yourself to that basic degree, how can you come across as strong to other people?