[Dulceácido]

I think these are pretty solid picks from your arsenal:
-I would but I don’t think I’d be able to get rid of you.
-I only buy drinks for girls that I’m physically attracted to.

I would add:

-You want fries with that?
-Then what? You'll do a trick?
-Is this being recorded on camera?
-Lost your purse, I assume?
-Only if you tell me the real reason you were abandoned, penniless in this establishment... The story might be worth a shot of shelf.
-I'm sorry, you must've mistaken me for someone who gives a shit about your alcoholism...