[Excelsior]

(07-22-2012 08:25 AM)Samseau Wrote:  

Yeah, this always gets me. One time an older woman asked me,

"Why did you learn how to swing dance?"
I told her, "In order to meet women."
Her face formed a scowl. "Well, that's boring."


I thought to myself... "What the fuck?"

Not defending it, but this dynamic has an easy explanation and is essentially just another manifestation of female hypergamy turned fantasy.
I touched on this dynamic in this older post. Basically, women love very attractive men who are, for whatever reason, very understated in their expression of this attractiveness. They do not try to show or do-they just are.

A man who can display very attractive traits while also conveying the notion of effortlessness and aloofness towards them (read: he's just being him, no concern for the women he may or may not attract, doesn't seem to exert any effort to show the traits to girls, etc) is the man women respond best to. He who seems to try the least, wins. This is why pre-selection is such a powerful weapon for guys.

The man who displays these attractive traits and makes it clear that he worked at it just to get to women (read: not effortless, prioritizes attainment of female attention, not just being him, etc) has the opposite effect on girls, and this is predictable given their nature.

When you let her know that you learned swing dancing primarily for the purpose of getting women, you set her warning alarms off. The Alpha Male/Dream Guy she is hypergamously designed to get wet for (the one she cannot always consciously describe, but who she is wired to hunt for and knows how to recognize subconsciously) lives his life for him and is cool on his own. He's attractive to women, but he doesn't try to be-this aloofness, in turn, makes him more attractive. This guy wouldn't go out of his way just for the chance of meeting an individual girl-why would he try so hard? He's "Mr. Right".

This concept is highly irrational, given the fact that nearly all men are incapable of meeting this high standard. We're all aware most guys (even seasoned players and naturals) must, at some point, put some effort in if they want to get better with women. After all, we don't just sprout tits and ass and immediately appeal to the opposite sex-more effort is required over a longer term for us to get somewhere romantically. Basic biology ensures this discrepancy.

Thus, this dream guy she wants (very attractive with no effort, pre-meditated strategy, etc) more often than not inhabits romance novels and TV shows exclusively.

Girls, however, do not care about the plight of normal guys and are quite good at ignoring the existence of said men altogether in many cases-they want the best. Their hypergamy governs this, and the hamster will rationalize any reasonable questioning away. She wants that dream, and will gravitate to whichever male in her life comes closest to it.

The fact that this dream is unrealistic is not something she can process, nor does she want to. That the men she chooses who she believes approximate this dream well more than likely didn't do so effortlessly (their success/confidence/attractiveness instead the product of years of practice/experience, advice from relatives/male peers, "game", hard work, etc, etc) is not relevant.

This is about how she feels-she needs it to feel special and organic, and will do whatever it takes to shut out notions to the contrary.

Therefore, we really shouldn't expect women to accept our efforts to strategize our courting of them. Granted, they could be a little more realistic about it (there is no need to get quite that indignant, some women are better at processing these realities about men than others), but it is logical that even those who do not react to learning of game with red-alerts and the like would be turned off at least to some extent if they discovered early in the courting process that a man's actions were "designed" in some way just for her. She's wired to thrive on at least the illusion of organic relationship chemistry.

These best thing for any man to do is to hide that all that experience/intent, and play the role of the attractive, natural, aloof and entirely natural/effortless Mr. Right that they all dream about. For all she knows, you've been swing-dancing for a while and you got into it years ago to stay in shape and broaden your horizons a bit. It had nothing to do with girls at all, just you taking an interest in becoming a more well-rounded person for the hell of it. Girls just happened to be around.

No need to let her know the reality-the hamster is not designed to process it, much less accept it.