I might be making a lot of assumptions but it sounds to me like you need to deal with the underlying issues that caused you to act like this.
Therapy is useful for some people.
Also I would recommending ejecting yourself from any ideological communities you are a part of (including this one), that way you can take a good look at yourself without being influenced by others.
Your line about "185 pounds of pure, Anglo-Saxon muscle" and just the way you express yourself makes me think you have some underlying issues (I'm not trying to insult you, but you read to me as someone who has big issues by the content of your posts although they are articulate).
Therapy is useful for some people.
Also I would recommending ejecting yourself from any ideological communities you are a part of (including this one), that way you can take a good look at yourself without being influenced by others.
Your line about "185 pounds of pure, Anglo-Saxon muscle" and just the way you express yourself makes me think you have some underlying issues (I'm not trying to insult you, but you read to me as someone who has big issues by the content of your posts although they are articulate).