Quote: (03-14-2019 11:38 AM)heavy Wrote:You're right, I'm not an agreeable person. There was a time when I was very agreeable. I still hold traits of it as I do not judge people when they tell me about themselves. I've gotten comments that I am not judgmental when people talk to me, as they would normally feel criticized or embarrassed to reveal a fact to me. I am agreeable to people as long as they do not have any political things to throw at me or issues that are very sensitive. I fall into the trap of politics, for instance, or I use to because the conversation was brought to that by the other party. I do not look at the world as a computer, or that much of a logical thinker, since I at least consider other's points of views. To be clear, I am enemies with very few people. Where I dropped the ball is that I thought I could do no wrong.
Quote: (03-14-2019 11:25 AM)Manbeline Wrote:
Allow me to clarify that I in no way look down on my common man. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and am always willing to help friends in need, especially in areas of advice. What sort of hurt me is that some of them took me for granted and I found out that when they were voicing their concerns, they were talking at me rather than wanting to talk with me. That is when I learned that some people don't want help. They want attention, guys and girls included. I do not ever talk about "game" to anyone, as none of my friends are interested in that type of talk. There is maybe two guys I speak that stuff about, but it's only cause it's a natural flow of psychology discussions we have during a lunch.
Understand also that I am accepting of their flaws. They just are not accepting of mines. I am open to them, as I have been to a lot of people, but found out in a crushing way that in the end, they were not returning the favor. I had misjudged them. As well, I did discover that I could not make everyone happy and that was a natural thing in the end. I have to accept I will upset people without intention. That is also what it means to be a man.
This is what it all boils down to. I must grow myself more as a man, to know that the world will fall when I do not want it and to weather the storm. To keep my back straight and shoulders back. I am still getting use to this new lifestyle of independence, so pardon what may seem like naivety.
Interesting, because I was in the midst of typing a response that addresses exactly this. To what Dalaran1991 mentioned, you seem low in agreeableness. I'm not saying you are, but it seems that way.
I've worked with and for people low in agreeableness (currently). I love the advice they offer. I love the black and white way of looking at the world, finding all the potential flaws and missteps in processes. I even love the productivity afforded by the lack of fluff conversation.
But I don't like working with them. I don't particularly enjoy conversing with them.
People want advice when learning from you. They don't want advice when just conversing.
If people want to give advice, listen. You might learn something. Or you might just develop a personal bond with the person.
Just go, "Hmm, interesting point. I'm not sure that's what's going on, but it's an interesting perspective I didn't see."
...and then maybe offer your perspective, not as truth or fact, but merely as a different perspective.
Perhaps they want to take your advice and implement it, it just didn't hit home enough in their mind. Don't treat people like computers. We have minds, and science knows very, very little about how our minds work. Have humility when dealing with human minds. What works for you will not (not could not, not might not, will not) work for most other people.
All that said, it's fine if you don't want to add this meaningless fluff to your life. I don't judge a person who chooses to simply stick with the problem solving, productive nature of life. But I suspect when you start a thread addressing the topic, there's something you feel that's missing.
And I don't think you're alone. I'm fairly certain most guys on this forum had to go through similar experiences.
You are right that I am not that alone. There is bound to be like minded people out there. More locally than not. I find people online with similar views, but I am human. It is finding them locally that is tough. Despite living in a big major city, I do not run into many people that care about the level of conversation I can go to, or have qualities that will make them more than just an acquaintance. Or you run into that one person that just clicks for you. They have different views, but you two click in a way you did not want. That may be the feeling I am longing for.