Right now you are in that numb state of pain and nothing anyone says here will change that.
Not trying to hurt your feelings, but I'll give my perspective: We're some evolved apes on a blue rock hurling through the void at many thousands of miles per hour, an accident of the universe. Nothing is watching over us, and this void constantly tries to kill anyone who isn't strong enough. Natural selection. Nature/universe doesn't give a fuck who lives or dies, or what happens. It's all pointless to the void. You can do something totally amazing, or fucked-up, or evil, and the universe will be like "so what?"
Ok that probably depressed you even more, but my point is if he wasn't strong enough even with your help, there was nothing you could do. Not your fault
Not trying to hurt your feelings, but I'll give my perspective: We're some evolved apes on a blue rock hurling through the void at many thousands of miles per hour, an accident of the universe. Nothing is watching over us, and this void constantly tries to kill anyone who isn't strong enough. Natural selection. Nature/universe doesn't give a fuck who lives or dies, or what happens. It's all pointless to the void. You can do something totally amazing, or fucked-up, or evil, and the universe will be like "so what?"
Ok that probably depressed you even more, but my point is if he wasn't strong enough even with your help, there was nothing you could do. Not your fault