@chvrches
I'm glad you could use my advice.
It is definitely not direct, there is a finesse to it and a little bit of lying on your part.
I recommend framing the issue as if you want a connection with this girl, but her withholding intimacy is driving a wedge in the dynamic. Don't say this out loud, but keep the purpose in your head while you are interacting with her.
Girls think that if they use the whole "Well let's see where things go and take it slow" route then a guy will commit to them (which has probably worked out for these girls in the past, hence why they do it).
But, for that to work the guy has to be very committed to them.
If you've been all over her, obviously being pushy for sex the whole time and not holding an aloof frame, then you're not gonna have much success.
Girls like this are a pain in the ass most of the time, but they can be counteracted by a man holding strong frame. I look at it like this:
The only way to win at a game that is unfair, is to not play it at all.
When I've found myself in the same situation this is I do:
I tell her that I've had fun with her but I'm looking for a mature relationship. This puts her on the defensive, defending that she is capable of a mature relationship.
Don't directly bring up sex unless she does, and if she does just say that "Yeah, that's part of it but I don't think you realize what I'm saying". She will most likely get exactly what you are talking about when you say you need a mature relationship, let her fill in the blanks.
Become distant from her, act like there is no point in making out with her and let her start physically initiating on you.
Once again, this requires some finesse and can't be done in a way that makes you look like an angry kid pouting because he's not getting what he wants. You want to inspire dread in her, to make her feel like you are slipping away from her and she needs to act to lock you down.
I'll give a short example of something I've done when I'm with a girl like this:
If you're watching netflix or whatever at your house and you're making out, pull away and start looking at the screen and scrolling through things with your bedroom face on.
Don't say a word, when she asks what you are doing reply with:
"I need to find something to interest me, I'm starting to fall asleep"
9/10 she's gonna take offense to you insinuating she's boring.
Play the dread game in this way when you're with her, make her start working for your affection and she'll either get the point and put out, or she'll decide that you aren't worth her giving up sex to and you'll avoid a huge time sink.
Play it up as much as you want, because you want to be polarizing. You want to get rid of her if she's going to try to withhold sex as soon as possible, while nudging girls that are on the fence to step up their game or risk losing you.
I'm glad you could use my advice.
Quote: (12-04-2018 04:53 PM)chvrches Wrote:
Whats the best way to act in such a scenario, without coming off manipulating her for sex? Else than making her realize she will lose me soon if she dont put out.
It is definitely not direct, there is a finesse to it and a little bit of lying on your part.
I recommend framing the issue as if you want a connection with this girl, but her withholding intimacy is driving a wedge in the dynamic. Don't say this out loud, but keep the purpose in your head while you are interacting with her.
Girls think that if they use the whole "Well let's see where things go and take it slow" route then a guy will commit to them (which has probably worked out for these girls in the past, hence why they do it).
But, for that to work the guy has to be very committed to them.
If you've been all over her, obviously being pushy for sex the whole time and not holding an aloof frame, then you're not gonna have much success.
Girls like this are a pain in the ass most of the time, but they can be counteracted by a man holding strong frame. I look at it like this:
The only way to win at a game that is unfair, is to not play it at all.
When I've found myself in the same situation this is I do:
I tell her that I've had fun with her but I'm looking for a mature relationship. This puts her on the defensive, defending that she is capable of a mature relationship.
Don't directly bring up sex unless she does, and if she does just say that "Yeah, that's part of it but I don't think you realize what I'm saying". She will most likely get exactly what you are talking about when you say you need a mature relationship, let her fill in the blanks.
Become distant from her, act like there is no point in making out with her and let her start physically initiating on you.
Once again, this requires some finesse and can't be done in a way that makes you look like an angry kid pouting because he's not getting what he wants. You want to inspire dread in her, to make her feel like you are slipping away from her and she needs to act to lock you down.
I'll give a short example of something I've done when I'm with a girl like this:
If you're watching netflix or whatever at your house and you're making out, pull away and start looking at the screen and scrolling through things with your bedroom face on.
Don't say a word, when she asks what you are doing reply with:
"I need to find something to interest me, I'm starting to fall asleep"
9/10 she's gonna take offense to you insinuating she's boring.
Play the dread game in this way when you're with her, make her start working for your affection and she'll either get the point and put out, or she'll decide that you aren't worth her giving up sex to and you'll avoid a huge time sink.
Play it up as much as you want, because you want to be polarizing. You want to get rid of her if she's going to try to withhold sex as soon as possible, while nudging girls that are on the fence to step up their game or risk losing you.