I found this thread while searching passive aggressiveness. The latter may be my worst personality trait, as you may have realized from some of my threads. The thing is that I act "cool" in response to somebody else's offhand behavior but then later start to sulk about it.
Case in point: went to a thai massage parlor (here in the US). When leaving the masseur confronted me and wanted tip. I gave her 10% but she wanted more, even trying to stick her hand into my wallet, which I didn't allow. Later I told myself I shouldn't have given her anything, because she demanded, didn't request.
Another one: went to a restaurant and sat at a booth. There were a couple sitting at the next booth (ugly woman BTW). I pulled the table towards me and it made a squeaky sound. The guy sitting at the other booth said loudly "Moving stuff around honey?" I thought I play Stoic and not answer but it didn't take me long to get angry. I thought I should've said
Moving stuff around honey?
Around yo' mama!
and there was not much he could do.
I've thought a lot about why I can't deal with such situations correctly, especially given that each time I repeat the same mistake.
1-First, like WIA mentioned its better to be so that others are dissuaded from jabbing at you in the first place. I'm just 5'7" and 150lb. I lift but it helps only so much. I noticed when I have a solemn determined face (without being smoldering) people, specially women, behave more politely. I think practicing a martial art is better for this reason than lifting; NOT for being prepared to grapple with others (which would be stupid) but because it would set my mind to be more challenging and resolute.
2-Then there is the frame issue. For example I've noticed when having a (civil, calm) argument with someone I am persuaded too easily and then later wonder why I didn't hold my ground. Like with the Thai masseur I thought to myself "Oh I didn't know the etiquette". I once read on Victor Pride's website something like "Other people are entitled to their opinion but I'm always correct."
3-It's also best to be on the offensive. Like WIA said " Guys that don't learn how to neg properly or home in on insecurities and vulnerabilities can't ever be alpha or dark triad." In a situation like that guy in the restaurant, an argument that goes on in the back of my mind and makes me angry is "Why I never do this?"
I think in the end this whole thing boils down to your view of the world and how you see yourself in it. One of my affirmations reads "Other people are my clowns". This may sound weird or immoral at first but think about it: it means that first, the whole thing is like a show and shouldn't be taken too seriously and get under my skin and second, other people are there to entertain me. Whether it's an AMOG or an angry fat woman doing a menial service job, they are just trying to be cute. (Unless someone wants to get physical.) My job is to cheer them on the act that they are putting on instead of taking them serious, otherwise I'd be their clown. But I've not internalized this yet!
Case in point: went to a thai massage parlor (here in the US). When leaving the masseur confronted me and wanted tip. I gave her 10% but she wanted more, even trying to stick her hand into my wallet, which I didn't allow. Later I told myself I shouldn't have given her anything, because she demanded, didn't request.
Another one: went to a restaurant and sat at a booth. There were a couple sitting at the next booth (ugly woman BTW). I pulled the table towards me and it made a squeaky sound. The guy sitting at the other booth said loudly "Moving stuff around honey?" I thought I play Stoic and not answer but it didn't take me long to get angry. I thought I should've said
Moving stuff around honey?
Around yo' mama!
and there was not much he could do.
I've thought a lot about why I can't deal with such situations correctly, especially given that each time I repeat the same mistake.
1-First, like WIA mentioned its better to be so that others are dissuaded from jabbing at you in the first place. I'm just 5'7" and 150lb. I lift but it helps only so much. I noticed when I have a solemn determined face (without being smoldering) people, specially women, behave more politely. I think practicing a martial art is better for this reason than lifting; NOT for being prepared to grapple with others (which would be stupid) but because it would set my mind to be more challenging and resolute.
2-Then there is the frame issue. For example I've noticed when having a (civil, calm) argument with someone I am persuaded too easily and then later wonder why I didn't hold my ground. Like with the Thai masseur I thought to myself "Oh I didn't know the etiquette". I once read on Victor Pride's website something like "Other people are entitled to their opinion but I'm always correct."
3-It's also best to be on the offensive. Like WIA said " Guys that don't learn how to neg properly or home in on insecurities and vulnerabilities can't ever be alpha or dark triad." In a situation like that guy in the restaurant, an argument that goes on in the back of my mind and makes me angry is "Why I never do this?"
I think in the end this whole thing boils down to your view of the world and how you see yourself in it. One of my affirmations reads "Other people are my clowns". This may sound weird or immoral at first but think about it: it means that first, the whole thing is like a show and shouldn't be taken too seriously and get under my skin and second, other people are there to entertain me. Whether it's an AMOG or an angry fat woman doing a menial service job, they are just trying to be cute. (Unless someone wants to get physical.) My job is to cheer them on the act that they are putting on instead of taking them serious, otherwise I'd be their clown. But I've not internalized this yet!
A whore ain't nothing but a trick to a pimp. (Iceberg Slim)
Beauty is in the erection of the beholder. (duedue)
Grab your life by the pussy.
A better question to ask is "What EXACTLY do I want out of life and what EXACTLY am I doing to get EXACTLY that? If you can answer that question truthfully you will be the most Alpha motherfucker you will ever need to be. (PapayaTapper)