I've struggled with this a lot myself. The most difficult thing when dealing with shyness and self-conscious thoughts is how persistent it all seems to be. Once I get caught in a web of destructive, self-defeating thoughts inside my head during a conversation, I find myself experiencing an internal trainwreck inside my brain where it feels like there is no right thing to say or do in that moment and it goes to shit. I'm not quite as bad as I used to be, but I still find myself experiencing these things from time-to-time.
Personally, I started off from a point where I had very limited social skills. I didn't have the groups of friends or people I could consistently hang out with during my middle to high school years. I went to college and had no idea how to talk to people. I had trouble even saying a single word to anyone without getting huge spikes of anxiety.
What's helped me so far is getting jobs where I'm forced to interact with people. Since it's a job, it means I have to go out of my way to talk to and be around people. At my most recent job, I'm around my coworkers all the time. It took me around 6 months before I started feeling even remotely comfortably just being around these people. However, I was able to take smaller steps to get better at just interacting with other people. I picked up on what other people usually talked about between each other, how they joked around, etc. and then tried it out myself.
Like what other people here have said, I think what you need right now is a social circle where you meet the same people on a consistent basis. A place where you can meet and get to know the people around you means both you and them have a chance to get to know each other and become more comfortable with each other. I think having an environment where you can gradually teach yourself how to be less shy is a great place to start.
Also, I guarantee you that plenty of seemingly normal people experience shyness and self-consciousness all the time. There's a lot of people out there who refuse to go out to places without their group of friends in tow because they feel awkward and scared to go out and meet people by themselves. Others have to be drunk or high or whatever else to help them out.
The most challenging part about this stuff is the mental and emotional states you end up facing. Even when I do something well or don't fuck up, I can feel my brain fighting against positive thoughts because I'm so used to overly-criticizing myself and over-analyzing every little detail. I try to congratulate myself more when I do well or I'm doing something that's helping me out. And if I get negative thoughts popping in my head, I try to interrupt it with positive ones (e.g. "I don't give a fuck", "I'm the shit", etc.). A lot of this is simply unfucking your brain so it starts working for you instead of against you.
This shit can be really frustrating. A lot of the time you might feel like you're not getting better, but the reality is these things take time. As long as you keep at it, you will get and feel better.
Personally, I started off from a point where I had very limited social skills. I didn't have the groups of friends or people I could consistently hang out with during my middle to high school years. I went to college and had no idea how to talk to people. I had trouble even saying a single word to anyone without getting huge spikes of anxiety.
What's helped me so far is getting jobs where I'm forced to interact with people. Since it's a job, it means I have to go out of my way to talk to and be around people. At my most recent job, I'm around my coworkers all the time. It took me around 6 months before I started feeling even remotely comfortably just being around these people. However, I was able to take smaller steps to get better at just interacting with other people. I picked up on what other people usually talked about between each other, how they joked around, etc. and then tried it out myself.
Like what other people here have said, I think what you need right now is a social circle where you meet the same people on a consistent basis. A place where you can meet and get to know the people around you means both you and them have a chance to get to know each other and become more comfortable with each other. I think having an environment where you can gradually teach yourself how to be less shy is a great place to start.
Also, I guarantee you that plenty of seemingly normal people experience shyness and self-consciousness all the time. There's a lot of people out there who refuse to go out to places without their group of friends in tow because they feel awkward and scared to go out and meet people by themselves. Others have to be drunk or high or whatever else to help them out.
The most challenging part about this stuff is the mental and emotional states you end up facing. Even when I do something well or don't fuck up, I can feel my brain fighting against positive thoughts because I'm so used to overly-criticizing myself and over-analyzing every little detail. I try to congratulate myself more when I do well or I'm doing something that's helping me out. And if I get negative thoughts popping in my head, I try to interrupt it with positive ones (e.g. "I don't give a fuck", "I'm the shit", etc.). A lot of this is simply unfucking your brain so it starts working for you instead of against you.
This shit can be really frustrating. A lot of the time you might feel like you're not getting better, but the reality is these things take time. As long as you keep at it, you will get and feel better.
"Their emotional waves will swamp you if you're just quietly-floating, so you need to learn to surf." - AnonymousBosch
||Learn How to Sing Datasheet||