I'm going to echo whatever has been said on this thread already, but here's what my personal experiences have been:
1) When I first moved to a big American city on the east coast, I thought making friends by going to events would be possible.
But in reality, the majority of people at an event are there to see the actual event with their own friends, not make friends.
Every once in a while, I would meet someone cool, but it didn't seem like they were looking to continue/start the friendship with me. A large part of it is due to the fact that big city folk have so much going on in their own lives and already have their own social circle. Also, many men out there think it's "gay" or "weird" to contact one another after meeting just to hangout. I don't know why the fuck that is (it's just part of society). Even when I meet a cool guy at a bar and start talking, my friends start calling me "gay". Many men out there legitimately have this fear that if a guy is connecting with you on something, that he is probably gay. That is what is fucking ruining it for us guys.
Solution: It took me a while to find out that going to one-time events was not worth it. Meeting up after just meeting once just didn't have that momentum/connection going for it. However, going to events where there was a) a common goal to be accomplished AND b)where a meeting occurred on a regular basis reinforced friendships.
Example: I volunteer at this nonprofit. We meet every week and the common goal is to accomplish the nonprofit's mission. After going to a few meetings, I started to slowly get invited to hangout. There was no "this dude is gay" vibe because the guys became comfortable around me after seeing me so often and knew me better. Also, we had a strong talking point at all times in common because we had a common goal in life (i.e. to accomplish the task of the nonprofit)
2) You want to give value and be an alpha. I know it sounds cliche, but here's a real-life example from the nonprofit I joined above:
I joined with barely any knowledge of the topic at hand. I was constantly the one asking dumb questions, learning from others, and leeching like a motherfucker. People slowly began to ignore me and not talk to me as much because I wasn't really adding any knowledge/value and because I was in learning/asking mode, I was always giving away my frame to others while kind of being annoying. Heck, even the chicks who I first met started to ignore me and hovered around the more knowledgeable folk.
Solution: Hold frame, be knowledgeable, add value, and be good at whatever activity you're involved in. Once you're the one to hold the frame and the leader, people will flock toward you like no other
3) Make sure that whatever activity you join, that there aren't a shit ton of people in the room. The nonprofit I joined had about 30 people meet every week. That's not a huge size. But if there are like 200 people meeting in that same room everyday, it's going to be hard to locate your friends that you met the week before. I personally like small groups.
4) Show that you have social value. Dress nice, be a gentlemen, etc. Give off the illusion that you are a cool guy. People want to make friends with other cool dudes who could add to their social circles too.
5) Reach out to old friends from high school, college, etc. if you have any and meet friends through them. To date, all of my tightest friends now are through friends of high school / college friends - the fact that we have a friend in common creates connection/comfortability
6) Not a necessary point, but: I've noticed that if you bring chicks to any event/meeting, guys automatically respect you and want to associate with you. I personally try to befriend any dude who can have the future possibility of introducing me to any women. May sound superficial, but a genuine friendship can develop over time with anyone.
That's really it.
1) When I first moved to a big American city on the east coast, I thought making friends by going to events would be possible.
But in reality, the majority of people at an event are there to see the actual event with their own friends, not make friends.
Every once in a while, I would meet someone cool, but it didn't seem like they were looking to continue/start the friendship with me. A large part of it is due to the fact that big city folk have so much going on in their own lives and already have their own social circle. Also, many men out there think it's "gay" or "weird" to contact one another after meeting just to hangout. I don't know why the fuck that is (it's just part of society). Even when I meet a cool guy at a bar and start talking, my friends start calling me "gay". Many men out there legitimately have this fear that if a guy is connecting with you on something, that he is probably gay. That is what is fucking ruining it for us guys.
Solution: It took me a while to find out that going to one-time events was not worth it. Meeting up after just meeting once just didn't have that momentum/connection going for it. However, going to events where there was a) a common goal to be accomplished AND b)where a meeting occurred on a regular basis reinforced friendships.
Example: I volunteer at this nonprofit. We meet every week and the common goal is to accomplish the nonprofit's mission. After going to a few meetings, I started to slowly get invited to hangout. There was no "this dude is gay" vibe because the guys became comfortable around me after seeing me so often and knew me better. Also, we had a strong talking point at all times in common because we had a common goal in life (i.e. to accomplish the task of the nonprofit)
2) You want to give value and be an alpha. I know it sounds cliche, but here's a real-life example from the nonprofit I joined above:
I joined with barely any knowledge of the topic at hand. I was constantly the one asking dumb questions, learning from others, and leeching like a motherfucker. People slowly began to ignore me and not talk to me as much because I wasn't really adding any knowledge/value and because I was in learning/asking mode, I was always giving away my frame to others while kind of being annoying. Heck, even the chicks who I first met started to ignore me and hovered around the more knowledgeable folk.
Solution: Hold frame, be knowledgeable, add value, and be good at whatever activity you're involved in. Once you're the one to hold the frame and the leader, people will flock toward you like no other
3) Make sure that whatever activity you join, that there aren't a shit ton of people in the room. The nonprofit I joined had about 30 people meet every week. That's not a huge size. But if there are like 200 people meeting in that same room everyday, it's going to be hard to locate your friends that you met the week before. I personally like small groups.
4) Show that you have social value. Dress nice, be a gentlemen, etc. Give off the illusion that you are a cool guy. People want to make friends with other cool dudes who could add to their social circles too.
5) Reach out to old friends from high school, college, etc. if you have any and meet friends through them. To date, all of my tightest friends now are through friends of high school / college friends - the fact that we have a friend in common creates connection/comfortability
6) Not a necessary point, but: I've noticed that if you bring chicks to any event/meeting, guys automatically respect you and want to associate with you. I personally try to befriend any dude who can have the future possibility of introducing me to any women. May sound superficial, but a genuine friendship can develop over time with anyone.
That's really it.