I struggle with the same, sort of. I'm always willing to help people out, extend money / good will / work opportunities, and people take advantage of it. The more you give, the more certain people tend to want to take. Then when you aren't as generous as they want you to be, they freak out and suddenly you're a bad guy. ("But Haaank! My rent is due tomorrow and I'm such a good friend. You have the money!! Can't I borrow $500!? That's like, dinner for you!! How could you do this to me???") The Christian in me gets the point, but after awhile, you realize these people are leeches, and usually failed to admit that they spent $500 on booze, coke, and eating out. If someone fell on tough times due to a medical issue, I'd probably be willing to pitch in here and there. However, some people will just take take take take take, because they innately believe those who work hard and have nice things should subsidize those who don't want to work hard and waste their cash on stupid stuff.
What I've found works for me is simply not associating with toxic leeches too closely. Anyone who asks you constantly for money and favors, simply distance yourself from them. You don't need to say "You're a needy leech and being around you is annoying", simply don't hang out with them all that often; return texts and calls sparsely.
One saying I like to use: "Your cashflow issues are not going to become my cashflow issues."
That aside, with some exceptions, these are the traits most successful people give off...
- Good humored (not that everything is a joke, but they tend to maintain good humor in all situations)
- Assertive (don't be afraid to state your needs, like ask a waiter for a clean fork or send something back because it's cold. But don't be a douche about it - being a douche makes you appear low value)
- Confident and a leader ("C'mon fellas. We got this. Let's go kick some ass.") Make everyone feel like they're part of your inner-circle or in an inside joke.
- Able to relate to a lot of different people. A key strength is being able to relate to and interact with lawyers, doctors, architects, businessmen, and developers just like you would bartenders, customer service reps, tattoo artists, servers, construction workers, etc. You have to be willing to be able to leave your own "comfort zone". (i.e., a lot of professionals are only comfortable around other people who do something similar to what they do for a living, make a similar income, etc.) You would also be amazed at how many "blue collar millionaires" are out there -- I have doctors who can barely afford to pay a legal bill, and tattoo artists trying to figure out their next major real estate deal. A white shirt, tie, and education means far less than people think it does in this day and age.
- Not jealous of people who have more than them, but they don't treat people who have less than them like shit.
- Successful people generally keep fit, and keep it fun. Personally, I use the gym for networking and dating too. Tomorrow I have two meetings at the gym with new clients. Racquetball and a swim always tends to lead to more business.
Other random advice...
- Do not associate with people who constantly have cashflow issues, or problems in general. They will try and make their problems your problems. Chances are their problems were self-inflicted anyway.
- Bring people up to your level; don't go down to theirs. ("Hank, you wanna go rip shots and slam cheesesteaks?" "Nah, but I would go play racquetball and eat some sashimi after.")
- Be very wary and distrustful of women. They will turn on you at the drop of a dime for something better. Some men, but not all, understand the concept of loyalty. For the most part, women are always looking for something better or someone stronger.
- Interact with men and women differently. You can send a dude a text like "Yo bro, slay that interview tomorrow!" or "Let me know how it goes with the new potential client tomorrow. Good luck!" Women, not so much. They generally do not respect the traits of mercy, generosity, caring, altruism, etc. They respect strength, and pay you lip service for generosity (until another man is willing to extend more generosity).
- Associate with a lot of different social circles, but don't commit yourself to any one of them. You should be your own social circle with a few close confidants. Move in between them. They'll all view you as 'one of them' but you're not.
- Play your cards close to the vest, and don't alienate anyone. Talk less, do more.
- Spend one day a week networking, and spend one day a week relaxing. I network on Fridays (court permitting), and relax on Sundays. (Church, gym, brunch).
- Don't be afraid to cut the cord with women / clients / customers who waste your time and don't contribute anything. Time you give away is time you could be spending on yourself.
- Keep your inner-circle small and all male. Don't bring people into your inner circle too quickly or easily.
- Don't put anything in writing
In 2017, I gave too much time and expended too many resources on people who were leeches. There was "no time" for things like the gym, jiu jitsu, networking, hiking, hobbies, dating, writing, etc. Everyone else's issues came before myself.
In 2018, I cut out a lot of the leeches, smuts, clients who want a free ride, etc. I find myself having more money, more time, and more energy. Over the last three months, I've pretty much said "no" to any venture that doesn't have a benefit to me.
Suddenly I have time, money, and energy again to focus on myself.
Suggested reading:
- Think and Grow Rich (Napoleon Hill)
- The Millionaire Real Estate Investor / Agent (Gary Keller)
- How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)
- 48 Laws of Power (Robert Greene)
- The Bible (there is always scripture for pretty much every issue. See 1 Corinthians; Luke 10:29-37; 18:18-25; James 2:15-17)
- Unlimited Power (Tony Robbins)
- Awaken the Giant Within (Tony Robbins)
What I've found works for me is simply not associating with toxic leeches too closely. Anyone who asks you constantly for money and favors, simply distance yourself from them. You don't need to say "You're a needy leech and being around you is annoying", simply don't hang out with them all that often; return texts and calls sparsely.
One saying I like to use: "Your cashflow issues are not going to become my cashflow issues."
That aside, with some exceptions, these are the traits most successful people give off...
- Good humored (not that everything is a joke, but they tend to maintain good humor in all situations)
- Assertive (don't be afraid to state your needs, like ask a waiter for a clean fork or send something back because it's cold. But don't be a douche about it - being a douche makes you appear low value)
- Confident and a leader ("C'mon fellas. We got this. Let's go kick some ass.") Make everyone feel like they're part of your inner-circle or in an inside joke.
- Able to relate to a lot of different people. A key strength is being able to relate to and interact with lawyers, doctors, architects, businessmen, and developers just like you would bartenders, customer service reps, tattoo artists, servers, construction workers, etc. You have to be willing to be able to leave your own "comfort zone". (i.e., a lot of professionals are only comfortable around other people who do something similar to what they do for a living, make a similar income, etc.) You would also be amazed at how many "blue collar millionaires" are out there -- I have doctors who can barely afford to pay a legal bill, and tattoo artists trying to figure out their next major real estate deal. A white shirt, tie, and education means far less than people think it does in this day and age.
- Not jealous of people who have more than them, but they don't treat people who have less than them like shit.
- Successful people generally keep fit, and keep it fun. Personally, I use the gym for networking and dating too. Tomorrow I have two meetings at the gym with new clients. Racquetball and a swim always tends to lead to more business.
Other random advice...
- Do not associate with people who constantly have cashflow issues, or problems in general. They will try and make their problems your problems. Chances are their problems were self-inflicted anyway.
- Bring people up to your level; don't go down to theirs. ("Hank, you wanna go rip shots and slam cheesesteaks?" "Nah, but I would go play racquetball and eat some sashimi after.")
- Be very wary and distrustful of women. They will turn on you at the drop of a dime for something better. Some men, but not all, understand the concept of loyalty. For the most part, women are always looking for something better or someone stronger.
- Interact with men and women differently. You can send a dude a text like "Yo bro, slay that interview tomorrow!" or "Let me know how it goes with the new potential client tomorrow. Good luck!" Women, not so much. They generally do not respect the traits of mercy, generosity, caring, altruism, etc. They respect strength, and pay you lip service for generosity (until another man is willing to extend more generosity).
- Associate with a lot of different social circles, but don't commit yourself to any one of them. You should be your own social circle with a few close confidants. Move in between them. They'll all view you as 'one of them' but you're not.
- Play your cards close to the vest, and don't alienate anyone. Talk less, do more.
- Spend one day a week networking, and spend one day a week relaxing. I network on Fridays (court permitting), and relax on Sundays. (Church, gym, brunch).
- Don't be afraid to cut the cord with women / clients / customers who waste your time and don't contribute anything. Time you give away is time you could be spending on yourself.
- Keep your inner-circle small and all male. Don't bring people into your inner circle too quickly or easily.
- Don't put anything in writing
In 2017, I gave too much time and expended too many resources on people who were leeches. There was "no time" for things like the gym, jiu jitsu, networking, hiking, hobbies, dating, writing, etc. Everyone else's issues came before myself.
In 2018, I cut out a lot of the leeches, smuts, clients who want a free ride, etc. I find myself having more money, more time, and more energy. Over the last three months, I've pretty much said "no" to any venture that doesn't have a benefit to me.
Suddenly I have time, money, and energy again to focus on myself.
Suggested reading:
- Think and Grow Rich (Napoleon Hill)
- The Millionaire Real Estate Investor / Agent (Gary Keller)
- How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)
- 48 Laws of Power (Robert Greene)
- The Bible (there is always scripture for pretty much every issue. See 1 Corinthians; Luke 10:29-37; 18:18-25; James 2:15-17)
- Unlimited Power (Tony Robbins)
- Awaken the Giant Within (Tony Robbins)