Quote: (01-24-2018 02:43 AM)Noir Wrote:
It sounds like you are great, on paper, just facing a few internal obstacles.
I won't give you game advice but rather some tips to sort yourself out so that the application of game will be more natural.
Try Jordan Peterson's Self Authoring program. Specifically, the past section will help you address the rooted issues you speak of and it's cathartic to write it down.
The future section will allow you to set an action plan for you to go ahead.
Otherwise, disposing of your reliance on your ego for self-esteem; if it's anchored to other person's ideas of yourself then you are setting yourself up for a cycle of failure.
Wake up and do some affirmations, daily. Do them in the car, on the treadmill, on the shitter.
NLP can also help with this as it helped me.
Every single problem you described is fear. Fear of rejection, non-acceptance, non-conformity and judgment.
You need to overcome this by putting yourself in tough spots and persevering; when you succeed it will become a reference point for future success.
Focus on having fun and the elimination of expectations out of this. Take it as it comes and see in what way, approaching women and including them in your life would be the most pleasurable for both you and them.
Play to your strengths.
Glass half empty: I am fearful because I need to step into a realm I am not confident in
Glass half full: I am a funny, enjoyable character who is handsome and willing to bring women into my own realm
If you act within your own domain and impose this on the world, your fear will disappear as you need to start with your own territory.
Invite women into your own world instead of fearing being rejected in theirs.
Think about a time you were really confident. A time something really worked out for you. Re-live this experience. Consider what went right; why were you so confident and fearless?
What feelings did this evoke? Focus on this and visualize yourself bringing others into this space.
What was the catalyst? What was the environment? Break this down and experiment but always have the confident memory as an anchor for you to refer back to and aim to re-establish.
I have done some unorthodox things to do this such as taking MDMA and writing notes on the rush and lowered my inhibitions.
If you do rely on alcohol or anything of the sort, use it as an experiment to replicate in your normal life.
As for your emotional state of mind, eat clean, sleep well and exercise.
Find out what gives you a purpose outside of women. Wake up thinking about this and excited to go forth and enjoy your purpose.
When you figure this out, you become attractive and can bring others into this vibe.
Women are great at picking up on vibes and if yours is fake, incongruent or you don't feel comfortable around them, they respond to this.
Remember, women respond to whatever you put out there.
My apologies if this comes off as esoteric but print this out, work with it and have fun with it.
Your body language will change, your self-talk will change and your internal compass will be focused to what is best for you, if you allow it to.
Thank you, I'm going to look into Jordan Peterson's program. I've read 'The Power Of Now' by Eckhart Tolle several times and it's been great for me. Also been binge watching RSD videos (mostly the self-help ones), listening to 'The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F'ck' in the car at work. Going to AA meetings and working the 12-step program also does wonders (to those who are not familiar with it it's pretty much built around letting go of the ego and accepting the past and yourself). Talking openly about my fears and feelings to a group of people is also a great tool to crack that protective shell. Apart from that I'm working on watching and listening to my inner state throughout the day.
I do have a firm grasp of who I am and what I want inside, the big problem is fear as you said. Not being able to project the real me to the world. It is getting better though all the time as I gain more clarity. Still a long way to go but things have changed in such a way that I no longer believe I could never be like that, it feels attainable and reasonable now.
I practice doing and saying things every day that I feel resistance to. That resistance is my compass, it helps me see what I really want. My past behaviour has mostly been reaction and acceptance seeking. These are mostly small things like noticing that I overthink something like ordering food for example.
Drugs and alcohol are out of the question as I've abused them, they did help me free myself and open up but led to a whole new hell. Left that behind and accepted that they are not for me.
I've also stopped reading the news and wasting time on pointless internet sites (also stopped porn). Go the gym and swimming afterwards 3 times a week, weekends I go out walking/hiking. Still struggling with eating well and smoking but one thing at a time.
Thank you for the insights.