@Kieran
If I'm understanding you I agree totally. But one key distinction that maybe isn't clear is this, I was essentially "sneaking around". I realize a lot of this was weak game on my part and me being a chump for not moving on etc., but I never intended for her to know anything about any other girl. It wasn't even out of me fearing her or fearing losing her, I just didn't want to hurt her whether that makes sense in reality or not because I liked her (while still protecting myself as I'll explain).
Even when we went to a restaurant once after a good amount of time into the relationship a girl with a big round ass walked by. I'm very much an ass man and I like them big and round, so much so that it can drive me sort of horny/crazy at times just from seeing one. She saw the girl coming because she sat opposite me and as the girl passed I noticed in my peripheral vision that big booty was passing, but I basically locked my eyes to not even look at the least. Again, not fear, I just wanted to be like I'm not going to be hurtful towards you.
I had no idea she would ever find out about any girl and I don't have direct evidence that she ever did. I mean certain things are way being coincidence like her calling to bitch me out 45 seconds after I text the second girl I met from her national group. But honestly it wasn't me trying to get into pre selection or anything, I had no idea this second girl or the first one that were from my oneitis' national group were in fact from her nation. I actually had reason to believe otherwise and when they told me they were I said "oh shit" out loud involuntarily.
I have only seen her sister a few times on facetime and briefly in pictures. I'm pretty sure I saw her sister at another spot as well after the break up but can't be certain because I don't really know what she looks like to that extent. I kind of get the feeling that the first girl of her national group that I talked to and got a number from was actually her sister, but it was so early on that I didn't know and I haven't seen her well enough to be able to tell and can't remember the brief interaction with that girl before the number well enough.
So basically I was trying to keep my actions on the down low. The reason I was playing the field while still on oneitis with this chick was because I did generally want to get laid, but more theoretically at the time and still now I believe that until a chick proves herself she cannot be relied upon. This case was a perfect example, and not the potential cheating/looking at guys aspect. When I was fooling around, in terrible physical shape, barely spending any money on her, and all that she was with me. Cried heavily when she found out I was leaving the city, spent money she barely had and telling lies to her family to get me gifts for my birthday, lots of things. At the time I was loving and spending time talking with her a lot and all that.
When I got back I was in MUCH better shape, things were in many ways looking up, and I told her immediately basically forget everything else we are going to be together, only the two of us. I even handed her some cash just so she could have some pocket money, which I get was dumb, but my mentality was this is wifey anyway so let her go buy something for herself or give it to her broke mom, I don't care about not being a trick anymore. Within a couple of days she had blocked me on everything and I chased very hard and within a couple of weeks no matter what I'd do even standing in front of her in public she wouldn't even say a single word to me.
I get the whole girl psychology of asshole guys gets them wet and beta guy, no matter how great and no matter how much they say they want certain of those qualities, makes them want to move on.
But I never intended for her to see or hear about any other girl. The only direct, and that is a loose term, evidence I gave her that I was doing anything is when I'd facetime her on the way home from a wine bar or something where I was tipsy from drinking with another girl. Even then though it was always a I was with my friends sort of thing, whether or not she was scowling at me or giving me a suspicious look.
I'm not complaining, merely trying to fully understand, but what she was doing was extremely blatant. Again, not complaining, just cant be sure. It was so blatant and in front of me that even the most oblivious and/or socially retarded human being could tell. I just can't figure out whether it was purposely being done to piss me off or if she had just that little regard for me. I'm leaning toward it being on purpose though, because of everything I said.
The thing is I don't even think she ever cheated. Worst case scenario I think she talked to some guys by text and it fizzled out early, and even that I am not convinced happened.
Like to give an example I saw at another point with a different girl of a totally different racial group. I asked the girl for her number and she was standoffish at the gym, but still not openly shitty with her response. Just obviously in the "fuck off" mode. I guess everyone at that gym knew that I would try to get the number of some of the girls from time to time, but over time it added up. A while later when things were not going well, but I had not spoken to her and hit on her besides a single time where I said one of those "changed your mind yet" sort of things, she literally came to an entirely different floor from where she works out with a guy and stood within my eyesight about 15 feet away and gave her number to him. I really can't say that she cared enough about me to do this to piss me off, but if I could walk you through the logistics of the gym and what happened it was just like, uhhh, why give him your number right there of all places which is literally out of the way of pretty much everything you do. They basically came downstairs together, were obviously not talking much, and she took his phone and put the number in, made a weird face, and walked off. Right in my exact eyesight.
I'm not even trying to say this girl whose number I never even got compares to the oneitis situation, but some things can just be too coincidental.
I just can't be too certain whether the girls that do these sort of things, and I mean mainly the oneitis, are doing it out of genuine interest in another guy or if they are trying to knock me down off my high horse type shit.
I suspect it's a matter of me seeming (or possibly actually being despite what I personally believe) to be too far beyond arrogant so they want to socially slap me around. To this day going into the territory of gaming heavily or doing things like hitting on multiple women at a gym where there is a likelihood they at least exchange hellos is still breaking social conventions. Pretty much every guy walking wants to be swimming in poosy, but whether out of fear (approach anxiety) or not knowing what to do or thinking it socially prudent to play it cool there aren't too many guys doing that sort of thing.
I mean I'm an Iranian American guy and I've occasionally even gone to gas stations at peak times (5-6, after work) and stood there and talked to girls that looked good that were going in and out (one occasion I was at a busy and large station and just chilling, but three separate 9s, not with each other at all, happened to get gas and go into the store). This is atypical in general of guys of any race at least here, and the only other example I've seen is the random black guy "hanging out" for many hours occasionally talking to women. That guy, who is still rare overall, is also not there just to hang out and talk to women 100% of the time. Without references to selling something, those guys generally are the type to walk to that spot and hang out out of boredom or whatever it may be and they are generally talking to other guys from the neighborhood that are passing through the gas station in the course of the day. Even that sort of thing is rare.
So when I stand in front of a gas station for a few hours (mainly out of boredom myself) and happen to see good looking girls walk by and talk to them, sometimes it turns into "that's funny" in their minds giggle giggle.
When there are like 4 very attractive Latinas at a single gym that never work out together but kind of work out at the same times of day and they are always at those inner outer thigh machine sections and I talk to all of them and go super direct within the course of months, I can see why some of them would want to knock me down a peg if they did care to begin with. Women are people, and some people just like to be spiteful.
I'm not saying my game was good or that I made the right choices or wasn't an outright fool with terrible game in any or all of these situations, I'm just trying to get at whether, particularly in the case of the oneitis, she was being vindictive towards me or if it was more of a he's cheating/he's moving away/I don't like him that much type of rationale to where she'd look at or for a guy right in front of me so blatantly.
I just can't accept that if she wasn't just doing this on purpose or entirely didn't care about me to the point where I was literally a 0 in her mind that she wouldn't in the case of the second guy I mentioned above just wait until 2 minutes after we left in separate cars and in separate directions and just turn around and go back and give him her number or even blow him in the restroom if she was that damn turned on.
Why literally and obviously in front of me?
Can't understand it other then to:
hurt/punish me or show me she can do the same and more easily than I can
or
she just really couldn't care less that I was there, which her other actions didn't coincide with and would put her on borderline sociopath based on the rest of the relationship (and I can agree my actions at that time could be construed as sociopathic themselves and I still say that)
If I'm understanding you I agree totally. But one key distinction that maybe isn't clear is this, I was essentially "sneaking around". I realize a lot of this was weak game on my part and me being a chump for not moving on etc., but I never intended for her to know anything about any other girl. It wasn't even out of me fearing her or fearing losing her, I just didn't want to hurt her whether that makes sense in reality or not because I liked her (while still protecting myself as I'll explain).
Even when we went to a restaurant once after a good amount of time into the relationship a girl with a big round ass walked by. I'm very much an ass man and I like them big and round, so much so that it can drive me sort of horny/crazy at times just from seeing one. She saw the girl coming because she sat opposite me and as the girl passed I noticed in my peripheral vision that big booty was passing, but I basically locked my eyes to not even look at the least. Again, not fear, I just wanted to be like I'm not going to be hurtful towards you.
I had no idea she would ever find out about any girl and I don't have direct evidence that she ever did. I mean certain things are way being coincidence like her calling to bitch me out 45 seconds after I text the second girl I met from her national group. But honestly it wasn't me trying to get into pre selection or anything, I had no idea this second girl or the first one that were from my oneitis' national group were in fact from her nation. I actually had reason to believe otherwise and when they told me they were I said "oh shit" out loud involuntarily.
I have only seen her sister a few times on facetime and briefly in pictures. I'm pretty sure I saw her sister at another spot as well after the break up but can't be certain because I don't really know what she looks like to that extent. I kind of get the feeling that the first girl of her national group that I talked to and got a number from was actually her sister, but it was so early on that I didn't know and I haven't seen her well enough to be able to tell and can't remember the brief interaction with that girl before the number well enough.
So basically I was trying to keep my actions on the down low. The reason I was playing the field while still on oneitis with this chick was because I did generally want to get laid, but more theoretically at the time and still now I believe that until a chick proves herself she cannot be relied upon. This case was a perfect example, and not the potential cheating/looking at guys aspect. When I was fooling around, in terrible physical shape, barely spending any money on her, and all that she was with me. Cried heavily when she found out I was leaving the city, spent money she barely had and telling lies to her family to get me gifts for my birthday, lots of things. At the time I was loving and spending time talking with her a lot and all that.
When I got back I was in MUCH better shape, things were in many ways looking up, and I told her immediately basically forget everything else we are going to be together, only the two of us. I even handed her some cash just so she could have some pocket money, which I get was dumb, but my mentality was this is wifey anyway so let her go buy something for herself or give it to her broke mom, I don't care about not being a trick anymore. Within a couple of days she had blocked me on everything and I chased very hard and within a couple of weeks no matter what I'd do even standing in front of her in public she wouldn't even say a single word to me.
I get the whole girl psychology of asshole guys gets them wet and beta guy, no matter how great and no matter how much they say they want certain of those qualities, makes them want to move on.
But I never intended for her to see or hear about any other girl. The only direct, and that is a loose term, evidence I gave her that I was doing anything is when I'd facetime her on the way home from a wine bar or something where I was tipsy from drinking with another girl. Even then though it was always a I was with my friends sort of thing, whether or not she was scowling at me or giving me a suspicious look.
I'm not complaining, merely trying to fully understand, but what she was doing was extremely blatant. Again, not complaining, just cant be sure. It was so blatant and in front of me that even the most oblivious and/or socially retarded human being could tell. I just can't figure out whether it was purposely being done to piss me off or if she had just that little regard for me. I'm leaning toward it being on purpose though, because of everything I said.
The thing is I don't even think she ever cheated. Worst case scenario I think she talked to some guys by text and it fizzled out early, and even that I am not convinced happened.
Like to give an example I saw at another point with a different girl of a totally different racial group. I asked the girl for her number and she was standoffish at the gym, but still not openly shitty with her response. Just obviously in the "fuck off" mode. I guess everyone at that gym knew that I would try to get the number of some of the girls from time to time, but over time it added up. A while later when things were not going well, but I had not spoken to her and hit on her besides a single time where I said one of those "changed your mind yet" sort of things, she literally came to an entirely different floor from where she works out with a guy and stood within my eyesight about 15 feet away and gave her number to him. I really can't say that she cared enough about me to do this to piss me off, but if I could walk you through the logistics of the gym and what happened it was just like, uhhh, why give him your number right there of all places which is literally out of the way of pretty much everything you do. They basically came downstairs together, were obviously not talking much, and she took his phone and put the number in, made a weird face, and walked off. Right in my exact eyesight.
I'm not even trying to say this girl whose number I never even got compares to the oneitis situation, but some things can just be too coincidental.
I just can't be too certain whether the girls that do these sort of things, and I mean mainly the oneitis, are doing it out of genuine interest in another guy or if they are trying to knock me down off my high horse type shit.
I suspect it's a matter of me seeming (or possibly actually being despite what I personally believe) to be too far beyond arrogant so they want to socially slap me around. To this day going into the territory of gaming heavily or doing things like hitting on multiple women at a gym where there is a likelihood they at least exchange hellos is still breaking social conventions. Pretty much every guy walking wants to be swimming in poosy, but whether out of fear (approach anxiety) or not knowing what to do or thinking it socially prudent to play it cool there aren't too many guys doing that sort of thing.
I mean I'm an Iranian American guy and I've occasionally even gone to gas stations at peak times (5-6, after work) and stood there and talked to girls that looked good that were going in and out (one occasion I was at a busy and large station and just chilling, but three separate 9s, not with each other at all, happened to get gas and go into the store). This is atypical in general of guys of any race at least here, and the only other example I've seen is the random black guy "hanging out" for many hours occasionally talking to women. That guy, who is still rare overall, is also not there just to hang out and talk to women 100% of the time. Without references to selling something, those guys generally are the type to walk to that spot and hang out out of boredom or whatever it may be and they are generally talking to other guys from the neighborhood that are passing through the gas station in the course of the day. Even that sort of thing is rare.
So when I stand in front of a gas station for a few hours (mainly out of boredom myself) and happen to see good looking girls walk by and talk to them, sometimes it turns into "that's funny" in their minds giggle giggle.
When there are like 4 very attractive Latinas at a single gym that never work out together but kind of work out at the same times of day and they are always at those inner outer thigh machine sections and I talk to all of them and go super direct within the course of months, I can see why some of them would want to knock me down a peg if they did care to begin with. Women are people, and some people just like to be spiteful.
I'm not saying my game was good or that I made the right choices or wasn't an outright fool with terrible game in any or all of these situations, I'm just trying to get at whether, particularly in the case of the oneitis, she was being vindictive towards me or if it was more of a he's cheating/he's moving away/I don't like him that much type of rationale to where she'd look at or for a guy right in front of me so blatantly.
I just can't accept that if she wasn't just doing this on purpose or entirely didn't care about me to the point where I was literally a 0 in her mind that she wouldn't in the case of the second guy I mentioned above just wait until 2 minutes after we left in separate cars and in separate directions and just turn around and go back and give him her number or even blow him in the restroom if she was that damn turned on.
Why literally and obviously in front of me?
Can't understand it other then to:
hurt/punish me or show me she can do the same and more easily than I can
or
she just really couldn't care less that I was there, which her other actions didn't coincide with and would put her on borderline sociopath based on the rest of the relationship (and I can agree my actions at that time could be construed as sociopathic themselves and I still say that)