Quote: (12-16-2017 02:28 PM)This Is Trouble Wrote:
What if you found a new place, using the sale of your own place + the estate of your mother, to get a better permanent spot for both your children and your mom? You might be able to get a significant upgrade with the cash and have a permanent place for the rest of your life, and your children down the road.
This was something that was considered from the offset, and I did another search this morning. Unfortunately it doesn't work for a number of reasons:
- I'd need a minimum of four bedrooms (between myself, mother, and my kids)
- Anything that's affordable is in the not-so-good parts of town
- Homes that I do find that meet the above criteria don't have a layout or floorplan conducive to my mother's needs.
*Conversely, if Carla and Eddie could find a new place with Eunice, their search results garner both considerably better neighborhoods as well as affordable living and conducive floorplans... and that's simply based on them only needing two bedrooms as opposed to my four.
In the same vein, Eunice's house is a two bedroom... in theory, Carla and Eddie moving in would be relatively simple. Clear out the second bedroom, move their shit in (well, maybe not as clean cut as I've suggested, but a lot easier than my building walls in the basement for the kid's rooms).
And all of that's also not figuring in amenities that Eunice's current house has, including (but not limited to) central air (which seems trivial on the surface, but is a big deal to Eunice and her comfort) and a standby generator (again, might be trivial to someone else, but it makes a difference in caring for Eunice).
The house that Eunice is in now "works". It's a ranch home, which means that Eunice isn't negotiating stairs to use the bathroom or lay down in bed. Central AC and backup generator aside, just the fact that the living space is all on one level has been huge when it's come to taking care of her.
All that said, I look at it like this... even if Carla has a sudden change of heart and turns around and says, "You know what ? Eddie and I are going to move into Mom's", or even, "We're going to get a house for Mom, Eddie, and I to live in", and even if they found a ranch home with the same amenities as Eunice's current home... I would still be with Eunice during the day, doing the same things with her there that I do with her at her home now. And I would also spend various overnights with Eunice. Regardless of Carla's current dodging of responsibilities, in all fairness it wouldn't be right that Carla and Eddie spend every night taking care of Eunice, either.
The short version is, right now I'm with Eunice during the day, and some nights. If Carla and Eddie either move in to Eunice's or buy a house for the three of them, I'll still be spending my days and some nights with Eunice.
So in the larger picture, it might make more sense that I move in with Eunice. The flip side to that is if (when ?) Carla's participation continues to dwindle, due to my living there and it being 'convenient' for her, what to do about that...
If I were to move in with Eunice, Carla was agreeable to cover (at a minimum) my non-kid days/evenings. Simply put, Carla would come over to the house, I'd drop my kids off to my ex-wife, and I'd then have "Sam Time" until I return (that night or the next morning). But that also doesn't account for any 'last minute outings'.
Since my divorce, my kids and I, especially during the summer, have always had the freedom to just pack up and go...
- "Hey, you wanna go see (new movie) ?" "Yes !" "Grab the snacks, we're leaving in ten minutes."
- "You guys wanna go to the waterpark ?" "Yeah" "Ok, grab your swimsuits and let's go"
- "(Relative) wants to know if we want to go sledding today." "Yup" "Get the sleds, we'll leave in a few minutes."
If I/we move in with Eunice, we lose that spontaneity. Any activities with the kids would either need to be pre-determined early on, and/or depend on Carla's immediate availability. "Carla, can you be here in ten minutes ? We're going to the movies.", isn't exactly fair to Carla, either (regardless of her current behavior).
Conversely, if Carla and Eddie move in with Eunice (same or different home), while I'd still have a reasonable amount of... freedom (?) in regards to my kids and spontaneity, I'd also want to spend one-on-one time with Eunice (freeing up Carla and Eddie to have their own time, which is fair in my mind). Whether the kids are in tow or not is dependent on the day/night.
But I also see Carla trying to manipulate that time and shirking her responsibilities. Almost on a 'guilt trip' sort of level... "Sam, Eddie and I are gonna go to ___ overnight... you don't have the kids tonight, right ?"
I guess what I'm getting at is this: I know myself, and I know that I won't screw Carla over. And while I'd like to think she wouldn't do the same to me, her behavior and participation as of late leads me to believe otherwise.