[Dream Medicine]

I stumbled across her Tinder profile:

Quote:

Emily, 29
1km away from beef jerky at all times

3 x crossfit snatch finalist | 8th fittest juicer in Alberta | Team hipster abduction

A few of my favourite things...

* Smashing my PB for facebook likes. #strongindependentwoman.
* Coming home after a big gym session to my ethical, paleo, gluten-free dildo.
* Maxxing out the watermelon-crushing machine. Thanks Dave for the inspiration!

My fitness routine looks like...

a. Snort two scoops of protein powder.
b. Warm up with vulva stretching to 70% engorgement.
c. Flat chest hyper-compensation with push-up brah.
d. Close-grip clean and jerk off a gym bro.
e. 5 x 5 hobbit squats until bladder failure (two minute resting bitchface between sets).
f. Hit the showers for bent-over labia crushers.

Message me if you...

- Enjoy yelling at white sugar,
- Like artistic photography of body fat calipers,
- Think you can come at me bro.

Swipe right unless you want a dumbbell to the face

(Credit: TravelerKai, Foolsgo1d, Fisto)