[the Thing]

Welcome to good old
Amsterdam
the Europiest of Europe, a.k.a. the little city that could

Hello gents. Even though I've backpacked through Europe both west and east, traveled extensively in SEA, stepped foot in most of the mainland 48 states and even wandered into the turkic FSU and North African Arab states, this is my first travel datasheet. This is because my travels are usually pretty deep experiences with full of stories and I find myself overwhelmed with them, unable to summarize my thoughts in writing. (I also have full blown ADHD and suck at writing so that might be it as well) I've very recently spent 4 days in Amsterdam and I feel like I left with the right amount of well-organized experience to write about it.

This is my second time visiting Amsterdam. The first time was when I was backpacking through Europe one summer back when I was in college. I had only stayed one night and being a non-game aware, broke college student I just wandered around aimlessly in the fucking city, took some pics, talked to people, then smoked pot at the fucking hostel and failed to seal the deal with one of the chicks there. So it might as well be my first time in town. Alright, here we go:

The city
To summarize; Amsterdam is the Europiest of Europe. I don't think I've seen a city that is Europier than this. It looks somewhat like this;



What does Europiest mean? It means that it's a stunning city full of history and beauty, but your brain never gets over the novelty factor and you feel like you're walking around in an amusement park; nevertheless it's a very pleasant and civilized amusement park and you'll enjoy most if not all of it, while failing to wrap your head around the rest.
This may sound a bit abstract; that's because it is. You'll have a better understanding of what I mean as you read the rest of the thing.

District Centrum
This district is everything that the rest of Amsterdam isn't. It's a wretched shithole full of tourist traps with piles of trash lying in the middle of streets. Amsterdam is laid out in a circular fashion and the closer you get to the circle, the shittier it gets. It was a bit sad to see how a great city was brought down to its knees by giftshops whose merchandise seem to center around cannabis and rows and rows of kitsch Argentinian steakhouses that are actually ran by Arabs. If Amsterdam overall is the gratifying, exquisite bouquet of emotions you feel when you finally get that high quality, sophisticated woman in your bed and take a whiff of her perfume after long and passionate love making; Centrum is definitely the half-drunk, teary eyed, angst filled jackoff session after failing to bang her on the first date. You've been warned.

Red Light District
There are actually 3 of them. The biggest one is a district sized tourist trap with all of the above. The second one is also in the Centrum but in a less touristy area. The third is in the neighborhood De Pijp. If you've been living under a rock, let me inform you that YES there's P4P in Amsterdam, YES it's been there forever and NO I'm not going to divulge that here. It's usually flooded with British and Italian stag parties and it's very easy to get lost because even if your brain feels like the streets are laid out like a grid, they aren't and you'll just end up walking in circles. Especially if you blaze it at one of the million coffeeshops in this district. (I myself got lost twice) Have Google maps! There are also sex theater shows where you can pay 40 euro to watch 2 people fuck on stage, if that's your thing. I personally prefer the first person point of view.

De Pijp
This neighborhood lies to the south of Centrum and has a more residential vibe. It's pretty trendy and has a lot of pop-up cafes and bistros that are mostly populated by locals. Definitely worth a visit I'd say.

West Amsterdam
I really wanted to go here but didn't have the time to. Another trendy neighborhood that is local heavy, which includes Westergasfabriek, old gas works that has since been converted to a popular hangout spot for the locals apparently.

Wibautstraat
Locals shit on this neighborhood for its industrial look. I didn't know that when I had first landed, and I actually liked it. Because it was laid out in a sort of grid-like fashion. With tall buildings, made out of concrete. With actual streets. Paved out of asphalt. With cars driving on them. Cars! I actually stayed in this area and I was very satisfied. The subway takes you to Centrum in about 5-6 minutes.

Transportation
There's a tram system that works very efficiently and there's a subway system that no one gives two fucks about. And bikes. Oh god, the bikes. Keep in mind that I hate most things European with a burning passion (Lack of cynicism, overabundance of enthusiasm, "my country this your country that" type of conversation, high taxes, feminism, political correctness and cultural Marxism, environmental gestures that don't really account to anything, single payer healthcare, trains, work-life balance, door handles instead of door knobs, subsidized college education ...you name it) and bikes are no exception. Even though bikes are required to yield to pedestrians at zebra crossing, in practice no one does this and if you step as much as one inch onto the bike path you'll be reminded of your grave mistake by a plethora of bike bells, or outright ran over. I'm guessing everyone living here has a bike, and if they're not using it at the moment they lie in piles like this:



Every time I saw one of these piles, I wanted to be there with a F-350 truck (with the 7.3 liter powerstroke Diesel) and run over it. If you're the cycling type by all means rent one but it's not really necessary. Tram/subway, walking and the occassional Uber did the trick for me. The distances are pretty short so if you stay in a relatively central area it'll cost no more than 6-7 euro to get from the nightclub back to your hotel.
To use the public transport you need to buy a public transport card called the "OV chip card" which costs 7.50. You can get one at the ticketing machines at subway stations or the airport. Unlike most public transport systems you tap this card twice; once when you board and again when you leave the vehicle.
You enter the tram from any door and it's on the honor system to tap your OV chip card at one of the readers available in the train, once when you enter and again when you exit. I got on the tram a couple times knowingly without any balance on my OV chip card. I got away with not tapping it but people looked at me like I was a freak. I don't recommend you do this anyway since there most likely is an outrageous fine if you get caught. You can't do this on the subway since there are actual gates at entrances and exits.

Getting in
Schiphol airport is pretty close to the city. You can take a commuter train from the airport to Centrum and connect to the tram/subway system. Trains work really well and the schedules are relatively accurate. Costs about 5 euro. Uber costs about 25 euro to Centrum but isn't really necessary unless you have heavy luggage because the train is just fine. I don't know about the bus.

Getting out
Same way you got in. Since you tap the chip card twice and the amount isn't debited until the second tap, if you have just a small amount left in the card, don't tap it at the train station when you get off at the airport and let it go into negative balance. Then just throw the card.

Getting baked
Weed is widely available and is of high quality. You can purchase weed at one of the many "coffeeshop"s (spelled exactly like that, one word) and smoke it right on the premises. Larger coffeeshops usually have a bar where you purchase your drinks and a second counter where you purchase the weed, buy your shit at the weed bar then go sit at the main bar or at a table. If you're not a big fan of the weed taste (I fucking hate it) many of these coffeeshops have vaporizers available for use. One gram of weed goes for about 10-12 euro or slightly higher depending on quality. I purchased a portable dry herb vaporizer for 95 euro to smoke wherever I wanted. No smell.
Keep in mind that having weed as bait will only work with lower class Dutch girls, higher class girls prefer MDMA or coke. Do not offer higher class Dutch girls weed as it's considered a DLV.

Getting laid
The part that you've all been waiting for. Amsterdam is very cosmopolitan and there's a good mix of tourist chicks and Dutch girls. The average Dutch girl has the signature European look but is slender and petite, with beautiful, deep eyes, compared to their German counterparts. I find them to be more beautiful than Northern European girls but less beautiful than Slavic girls. They are easy to talk to but they'll initially be a bit reserved, don't quit early.

Day game
I have no idea how this would work. During my trip I had other shit to do on weekdays and on Saturday I met a friend from high school who lived there. You can go to Dam square, Leidseplein, Rembrandtplein or any other central location to spit. Being a historic European city, shopping malls are not much of a thing, as shopping is mostly done on the street and everything fucking closes at 6 anyway. From what I've heard, Sarphatipark in De Pijp is packed with locals in the summer. I didn't bother with parks either because the weather was absolute shit.

Night game
Night game in Amsterdam is very effective. I've been to a couple nightclubs and from what I've seen, girls don't bother talking to guys (because feminism) and boys don't bother talking to girls (because P4P availability) so it's usually just a bunch of social circles drinking, talking to and dancing with each other. Which means you should be able to work wonders with your playful alpha type club game. The relaxed atmosphere of the city, the weed smoke, the presence of sexual cues at every street corner; everything is there and everyone is in the mood. My only advice would be to tone down the teasing a bit, since English is not these girls' native language and they might fail to understand you or think you're being serious.

Volkshotel (Wibautstraat)
This was one of my favorite spots and that's not only because I stayed there. Apparently, the building used to be the headquarters of a local newspaper. When the paper moved out, squatters moved in and started making art and music there. After a while, one thing led to another thing and Bob's your uncle it's a hotel. It's very trendy, the atmosphere is simply amazing and I enjoyed every minute of being there. There's a restaurant at the 7th floor with an amazing view over Amsterdam and a bar in the basement that I didn't even check out once. You can't smoke in your room but you can at the rooftop terrace. Did I mention the view is breathtaking?



I met a lot of people smoking on the rooftop, including a bunch of guys who were going to a "hardcore techno" festival (One dude told me that it was a very fast paced subgenre of techno that originated in south Amsterdam, and I told him that it sounded exactly like the type of shit that would originate in south Amsterdam) called Pandemonium and asked me to check it out. I didn't go. The rooftop restaurant turns into a nightclub after 11 and gets packed at around 2. Apparently it is one of the favorite hipster spots in the city. Even if I don't personally identify as, or feel like I belong in that subculture, I like cheesy shit like that.

Air (Rembrandtplein)
I went to this venue on a Thursday evening and was denied entry at the door by some faggot on the grounds of that night being a student night. Don't know how true that was. Place seemed cool and trendy.

Escape (Rembrandtplein)
I went to this venue, the same night, after I'd got blown off at Air. It was pretty empty. Even though the ratio was kind of ass with groups of 4-5 dudes standing around and doing nothing, remember what I said above about dudes in a nightclub setting, ignore them and proceed as usual. I made out with a young Dutch girl here but couldn't bang because I was already pretty baked from 420 earlier in the night and I kind of crashed.

All the other tourist-trap bars around Rembrandtplein and Leidseplein
Some might say that they are full of tourist hordes and the lowest class of Dutch girls. And that might be true. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. Remember that these people have probably been smoking weed the whole day while subliminally getting showered by all the sex that's around Centrum so everything you need to score is there. While these girls are the lowest class of Dutch girls that you might encounter; that's not a bad thing because they aren't bad looking or ugly at all; and as members who have already met me would know, I'm a big fan and long time proprietor of white trash. If you're also intrigued by fake tits that look slightly wonky in a way that cannot be explained, or eyebrows completely waxed and chola penciled with the lowest quality makeup; by all means go for it. Even if you aren't, you should still give these places a go because like I said, sex is all around in everyone's minds and your competition is weak.

Heineken Experience
Located in De Pijp, it's a self guided tour on the history of the Heineken brewery, with a rooftop bar at the end. Entrance 18 euro, includes 2 beer tokens for use at the rooftop bar. The tour is lackluster to say the least and the beer is served in tiny ass 6 ounce craft beer flight type of glasses so it's not worth the money at all. I'm not sure if you can go directly to the rooftop bar without paying for the tour; there's an elevator from the gift shop in the lobby but I'm not sure if they would let you. Ask if it's possible and skip the tour if it is. Regardless of how much the tour sucks, the rooftop bar is a great place to open some tourists, maybe get some numbers and warm up for later in the night. I went here on Saturday about 7pm, opened a shit ton of sets and got jack but left the place feeling GREAT in my leather jacket. Was a great warmup and definitely helped for the rest of the night.
Side note on numbers: I'm not sure how fruitful the numbers would be, since everyone there are tourists and they'll most likely want to avoid using their cell phones in order not to incur roaming charges. (Remember girls are cheap)

Paradiso (Leidseplein)
If you go to Amsterdam and don't go to Paradiso you deserve whatever happens to you (which would most likely be getting ripped off by a hooker after failing to obtain your flag) I arrived here at about half past midnight on a Saturday night and there was already a huge line, so go early. That being said, the place doesn't get packed until about 2am so get busy and use the time to warm up. (Closes at 5am) By the time it was at its peak at 2am it was packed full of 8s and the occasional 9. I captured my Dutch flag here by homing in on the first 7 that showed me IOIs yet I couldn't help but feel some buyer's remorse due to all the talent that was floating around ripe for the picking by the time we left. Definitely go here.

Scandinavian Embassy
This is not a nightclub. It's a coffee shop (not a "coffeeshop" where you smoke pot but an actual coffee shop where you drink coffee) in De Pijp that was recommended to me by forum member @thebassist. I went here on Saturday (before Heineken Experience) to hang out in a quality coffee shop and maybe meet some locals but there weren't any talent around and they were in the process of preparing something salmon-based so the place stank like a fucking bait station. Regardless, it was very chill and trendy so I spent an hour there and had a cup of amazing coffee while installing Tinder and swiping right.

Online game
I had just deleted my Tinder account before arriving in Amsterdam so I could create another account and get boosted, but I didn't do this until almost the very end of my trip on Saturday afternoon (left Sunday afternoon) at which point I had realized it was almost over but I hadn't smashed. Immediately purchased premium and used the boost, got matches but nothing came out of it, not that I was expecting anything anyway because the timeframe was too short. Run online game as usual.

Conclusion
Should you visit Amsterdam? YES. Turns out, Europiest of Europe is not bad at all. Place was chill and cozy, smoked weed, drank delicious beer, looked at amazing architecture and fucked Dutch pussy. Can't complain at all.
Would I visit Amsterdam again? Probably not. If it wasn't on my own expense I would, but it's pretty expensive and my money would probably be better spent somewhere else.
If I visit the Netherlands again, I'll try to explore the smaller, 2nd tier cities.

There you have it, been at it 2 hours and this is it. As usual ask if you'd like more info about anything.

Thank you