Johannes,
I feel that you have too many thoughts racing through your head and too much complexity you are trying to deal with at once. That is not a good idea as you try to recover your mental health and set your life on a good course.
Instead, you should try to simplify your life and concentrate on just a few basic things. That is the best plan for recovery.
Here is what you should do:
-- First, make sure you get your computer science degree, and after that try to get a job as a programmer. Don't worry about Asia or anything like that; try to get a job close to home in a place that is familiar to you. Dedicate yourself to programming and try to become good at it. It is something you can do throughout your life to make money, and which can be always challenging and interesting.
-- Try to make your lifestyle very regular, simple, and healthy. Get up early every morning, and go to bed early every night. Eat good wholesome food. Walk outside, take some walks in nature; don't stay in all day playing video games (or stay up all night). Do some exercise, but don't worry about MMA or anything intense like that; that is not helpful for recovery, and the last thing you need in your position is to receive blows to the head.
-- Make sure you don't take any substances that are too stimulating or intense; no alcohol, no caffeine, not too much sugar. These things are all bad for someone who needs to recover his mental health and get his life on a good path.
-- Don't worry about "gaming pussy" or anything like that for now. You need to reestablish some basic social skills first, make some friends and meet some people you can just talk to. This doesn't need to happen all at once, but over time, just let yourself talk to people in a friendly way, both men and women. Try to show some interest, be nice to them, maintain a conversation. Over time, maybe you will meet some people you can talk to and who you can relate to. Before you worry about "gaming" girls, you need to restore those social skills and become less lonely and less isolated.
-- While you probably can't do anything like skateboarding as an adult, especially if you are very overweight, you should try to find another hobby of some kind that takes you outdoors. It could be one of many things, as simple as riding a bike or as unusual as flying model planes. But find some outdoors activity that you enjoy and can do regularly.
If you concentrate on doing these few basic things, and generally keep you life as simple and as habitual as possible, you will find that in a few years from now you may be in a better position, and you can then think about setting yourself more ambitious goals. But not now -- one step at a time. The key right now is to keep it simple and do the things that will allow you to recover and set up a firm foundation. Good luck.
I feel that you have too many thoughts racing through your head and too much complexity you are trying to deal with at once. That is not a good idea as you try to recover your mental health and set your life on a good course.
Instead, you should try to simplify your life and concentrate on just a few basic things. That is the best plan for recovery.
Here is what you should do:
-- First, make sure you get your computer science degree, and after that try to get a job as a programmer. Don't worry about Asia or anything like that; try to get a job close to home in a place that is familiar to you. Dedicate yourself to programming and try to become good at it. It is something you can do throughout your life to make money, and which can be always challenging and interesting.
-- Try to make your lifestyle very regular, simple, and healthy. Get up early every morning, and go to bed early every night. Eat good wholesome food. Walk outside, take some walks in nature; don't stay in all day playing video games (or stay up all night). Do some exercise, but don't worry about MMA or anything intense like that; that is not helpful for recovery, and the last thing you need in your position is to receive blows to the head.
-- Make sure you don't take any substances that are too stimulating or intense; no alcohol, no caffeine, not too much sugar. These things are all bad for someone who needs to recover his mental health and get his life on a good path.
-- Don't worry about "gaming pussy" or anything like that for now. You need to reestablish some basic social skills first, make some friends and meet some people you can just talk to. This doesn't need to happen all at once, but over time, just let yourself talk to people in a friendly way, both men and women. Try to show some interest, be nice to them, maintain a conversation. Over time, maybe you will meet some people you can talk to and who you can relate to. Before you worry about "gaming" girls, you need to restore those social skills and become less lonely and less isolated.
-- While you probably can't do anything like skateboarding as an adult, especially if you are very overweight, you should try to find another hobby of some kind that takes you outdoors. It could be one of many things, as simple as riding a bike or as unusual as flying model planes. But find some outdoors activity that you enjoy and can do regularly.
If you concentrate on doing these few basic things, and generally keep you life as simple and as habitual as possible, you will find that in a few years from now you may be in a better position, and you can then think about setting yourself more ambitious goals. But not now -- one step at a time. The key right now is to keep it simple and do the things that will allow you to recover and set up a firm foundation. Good luck.
same old shit, sixes and sevens Shaft...