Much has been written about regarding approach, attraction, comfort, and closing. The point of this text is not to diminish or take away from any of that.
Credit to WIA, Giovanny, and others who’ve dropped great wisdom on all parts of that.
For young guys, it is important to get over your fear of women. It is important to re-wire your brain to remove the fear of failure, the fear of rejection.
What I’d like to add to the discussion is the importance of flirting. This isn’t to say it hasn’t been discussed or written about here or other places. Credit to those who’ve emphasized and added to all aspects of pickup.
I would like to take an anecdote from my life and add to the subject of flirting, of innuendo, of double entendre and ambiguity.
Flirting is an old term, a term I feel is under-used in the manosphere, but is vitally important to Game.
Why? Because not only is it chic language, it’s chic crack if used correctly. It is the quintessence of pickup. It’s the gold standard of communication and more importantly, sub-communication, with women especially on a sexual level (which we all know is the purest form of chic language).
Here’s my story: I’m at a bar with friends, an outdoor bar I go to frequently to chill, a great summer bar with sand and palm trees and live bands. It’s a great place on Sunday because they run volleyball leagues all day. I’m wearing a tank top showing my muskles (yes, I workout and have a good build, more on that later).
A lil hottie is waiting on us who I’ve met before and with whom I’ve exchanged words on previous occasions. She knows the game, I know the game. My friends and I are there, and I lay some groundwork.
“Oh wow you’re still here, thought you’d be out of work by now.” (I’d seen her earlier that day when I was playing).
“Nope, staying till the leagues are done. You’re back?”
“Yeah, after I played I went to the beach for a while, then met up with some friends here.”
I ask her with her heart sunglasses how many times she's been asked out today (not feeling around, just talking, not giving her the idea I want to ask her out, just being friendly, but with an all-knowing vibe). She tells me she ‘actually hasn’t been asked out today yet’.
All ambiguous.
So later, with some other friends, she gets me a water (recovering from a fun weekend), and I drop the “oh hey Sara, good to see ya again (don’t remember what I said)’.
She drops one of the receipts she’s carrying, and I say ‘oh, wow, didn’t mean to get you all flustered’.
Boom, I’ve set the tone. It’s fun, flirty, but still no committal to wanting to bang her. For all she knows I’m just flirting with her, but I’m also building up a story in her mind.
Remember, all I’ve really done at this point is maintain the fuckable guy status, and potentially build some interest (I have no idea if she’s available or interested). First, I’m clearly not a loser, second, I’m clearly willing to simply flirt with her with no outcome dependence, and third, I’ll build from that, again, regardless of whether she’s available or even interested.
I talk with my friends about how I’m definitely going to have a shot at her. This isn’t needed, not necessarily suggested, but I was having some fun so we were shooting the shit about it.
I told my friends to just watch, I was about to show them what I called (on the spot made up)...
“Can’t really be turned down close”
Sure, I look good in a tank. Sure, I had already been flirty with her, and sure, I had a suspicion she was interested. Most importantly, I didn’t actually know if she was interested.
So she brings back our tabs. Just before she walks away, I say “hey Sara” and wave her to stand next to my chair.
(delivered slowly, layering in interest but also a light fun vibe)...
“So, I never do this, I never ask waitresses out, but....”
She maintains eye contact, IOI
“And I don’t wanna be the first guy to ask you out today…”
Maintains eye contact, suggesting, she may have even said, “yeah……”
At this point she gets it. I haven’t actually asked or really said anything. But I’ve communicated everything. She knows the deal.
“...we should hang out sometime.”
Her: “Yeah, I would hang out with you.”
Hook. I proceed to get her # and talk a little. It’s getting later and the crowd is thinning, so before we leave we chat a bit.
Friends are congratulating me on how it worked. In all my glory I adamantly explain that they didn’t see the true beauty of the close. I somewhat hoped, or at least was prepared, for her to say no.
My friend asks what I would have done if she’d said no. And this is the true beauty of the ambiguous close. My response to him…
“We wouldn’t have gotten to that point. She wouldn’t have had to say no. She would have let me know before the ‘close’ that she wasn’t interested.”
This is key. See, as much as you don’t want to be rejected by women, as much as you don’t want girls to say ‘no’ to you, as much as that, they don’t want to say no. Chics don’t want to reject you as much as you don’t want to be rejected by them. (barring a chic who just wants to be a total bitch, which is rare)
This is the true beauty of the close. If she wasn’t interested, she would have let me know before I asked her to hang out.
Driving home, I thought more about why this works so well. Let’s say you have two types, one being the flirty fun socially smooth chic and one being the awkward more down to earth straightforward chic.
The straightforward chic doesn’t want to deal with telling the guy no. She’ll cut you off or interrupt or let you know before you get to the close that she’s not interested.
The fun flirty socially smooth chic might totally let you run with the line. She might maintain eye contact, nod her head, let you get to the close. But if you deliver it right, and if she is willing to let you get to the ‘let’s hang out sometime’ point, she’ll also be smooth enough to be cool with turning you down in a fun way. (yes, you have to be cool getting turned down). She’ll be cool and fun next time I see her at that same bar. Nothing will be lost. At best she’ll know you’re not Mr Nice Guy, that you’d fuck her good, and at worst she’ll continue to be a fun flirty waitress who you both know won’t fuck you. Who cares?
And that’s the beauty of simply being fun, flirty, and using innuendo (doesn’t have to be overtly sexual).
Yes, it’s easy for me to say this with my muskles and tank and having talked to her before, having the social proof of friends around, etc. I’m not denying any of that. It’s easy when it works and you have the attraction, potential meetup, get the number, etc.
The importance of my story isn’t in all of that. The importance is what would have happened had she not been interested. The importance is in approaching and closing with the ability of getting rejected in a classy non-awkward way.
A few notes:
This takes time. It’s great for waitress-server-bartender game. It’s perfect for when you see the girl regularly. It’s great for maintaining face while going for the bang.
When you’re in a night club, it’s not great. It takes too much attention, time, and talking.
It’s not as direct, so it’s not as bold, and for this reason may be less effective with certain girls, certain guys, certain situations, etc.
Also, maybe she just played interested and gave me her number and I’ll never meet up, who knows.
Oh yeah, she’s 20 and I’m early 30s.
I normally edit down and highlight and make these easier to read, but I decided to post this in it's raw, unadulterated form.
Credit to WIA, Giovanny, and others who’ve dropped great wisdom on all parts of that.
For young guys, it is important to get over your fear of women. It is important to re-wire your brain to remove the fear of failure, the fear of rejection.
What I’d like to add to the discussion is the importance of flirting. This isn’t to say it hasn’t been discussed or written about here or other places. Credit to those who’ve emphasized and added to all aspects of pickup.
I would like to take an anecdote from my life and add to the subject of flirting, of innuendo, of double entendre and ambiguity.
Flirting is an old term, a term I feel is under-used in the manosphere, but is vitally important to Game.
Why? Because not only is it chic language, it’s chic crack if used correctly. It is the quintessence of pickup. It’s the gold standard of communication and more importantly, sub-communication, with women especially on a sexual level (which we all know is the purest form of chic language).
Here’s my story: I’m at a bar with friends, an outdoor bar I go to frequently to chill, a great summer bar with sand and palm trees and live bands. It’s a great place on Sunday because they run volleyball leagues all day. I’m wearing a tank top showing my muskles (yes, I workout and have a good build, more on that later).
A lil hottie is waiting on us who I’ve met before and with whom I’ve exchanged words on previous occasions. She knows the game, I know the game. My friends and I are there, and I lay some groundwork.
“Oh wow you’re still here, thought you’d be out of work by now.” (I’d seen her earlier that day when I was playing).
“Nope, staying till the leagues are done. You’re back?”
“Yeah, after I played I went to the beach for a while, then met up with some friends here.”
I ask her with her heart sunglasses how many times she's been asked out today (not feeling around, just talking, not giving her the idea I want to ask her out, just being friendly, but with an all-knowing vibe). She tells me she ‘actually hasn’t been asked out today yet’.
All ambiguous.
So later, with some other friends, she gets me a water (recovering from a fun weekend), and I drop the “oh hey Sara, good to see ya again (don’t remember what I said)’.
She drops one of the receipts she’s carrying, and I say ‘oh, wow, didn’t mean to get you all flustered’.
Boom, I’ve set the tone. It’s fun, flirty, but still no committal to wanting to bang her. For all she knows I’m just flirting with her, but I’m also building up a story in her mind.
Remember, all I’ve really done at this point is maintain the fuckable guy status, and potentially build some interest (I have no idea if she’s available or interested). First, I’m clearly not a loser, second, I’m clearly willing to simply flirt with her with no outcome dependence, and third, I’ll build from that, again, regardless of whether she’s available or even interested.
I talk with my friends about how I’m definitely going to have a shot at her. This isn’t needed, not necessarily suggested, but I was having some fun so we were shooting the shit about it.
I told my friends to just watch, I was about to show them what I called (on the spot made up)...
“Can’t really be turned down close”
Sure, I look good in a tank. Sure, I had already been flirty with her, and sure, I had a suspicion she was interested. Most importantly, I didn’t actually know if she was interested.
So she brings back our tabs. Just before she walks away, I say “hey Sara” and wave her to stand next to my chair.
(delivered slowly, layering in interest but also a light fun vibe)...
“So, I never do this, I never ask waitresses out, but....”
She maintains eye contact, IOI
“And I don’t wanna be the first guy to ask you out today…”
Maintains eye contact, suggesting, she may have even said, “yeah……”
At this point she gets it. I haven’t actually asked or really said anything. But I’ve communicated everything. She knows the deal.
“...we should hang out sometime.”
Her: “Yeah, I would hang out with you.”
Hook. I proceed to get her # and talk a little. It’s getting later and the crowd is thinning, so before we leave we chat a bit.
Friends are congratulating me on how it worked. In all my glory I adamantly explain that they didn’t see the true beauty of the close. I somewhat hoped, or at least was prepared, for her to say no.
My friend asks what I would have done if she’d said no. And this is the true beauty of the ambiguous close. My response to him…
“We wouldn’t have gotten to that point. She wouldn’t have had to say no. She would have let me know before the ‘close’ that she wasn’t interested.”
This is key. See, as much as you don’t want to be rejected by women, as much as you don’t want girls to say ‘no’ to you, as much as that, they don’t want to say no. Chics don’t want to reject you as much as you don’t want to be rejected by them. (barring a chic who just wants to be a total bitch, which is rare)
This is the true beauty of the close. If she wasn’t interested, she would have let me know before I asked her to hang out.
Driving home, I thought more about why this works so well. Let’s say you have two types, one being the flirty fun socially smooth chic and one being the awkward more down to earth straightforward chic.
The straightforward chic doesn’t want to deal with telling the guy no. She’ll cut you off or interrupt or let you know before you get to the close that she’s not interested.
The fun flirty socially smooth chic might totally let you run with the line. She might maintain eye contact, nod her head, let you get to the close. But if you deliver it right, and if she is willing to let you get to the ‘let’s hang out sometime’ point, she’ll also be smooth enough to be cool with turning you down in a fun way. (yes, you have to be cool getting turned down). She’ll be cool and fun next time I see her at that same bar. Nothing will be lost. At best she’ll know you’re not Mr Nice Guy, that you’d fuck her good, and at worst she’ll continue to be a fun flirty waitress who you both know won’t fuck you. Who cares?
And that’s the beauty of simply being fun, flirty, and using innuendo (doesn’t have to be overtly sexual).
Yes, it’s easy for me to say this with my muskles and tank and having talked to her before, having the social proof of friends around, etc. I’m not denying any of that. It’s easy when it works and you have the attraction, potential meetup, get the number, etc.
The importance of my story isn’t in all of that. The importance is what would have happened had she not been interested. The importance is in approaching and closing with the ability of getting rejected in a classy non-awkward way.
A few notes:
This takes time. It’s great for waitress-server-bartender game. It’s perfect for when you see the girl regularly. It’s great for maintaining face while going for the bang.
When you’re in a night club, it’s not great. It takes too much attention, time, and talking.
It’s not as direct, so it’s not as bold, and for this reason may be less effective with certain girls, certain guys, certain situations, etc.
Also, maybe she just played interested and gave me her number and I’ll never meet up, who knows.
Oh yeah, she’s 20 and I’m early 30s.
I normally edit down and highlight and make these easier to read, but I decided to post this in it's raw, unadulterated form.
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”